“You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

Israel, Italy, France, and Africa are only some of the places that Barb Huston has had the privilege to visit. A mural picture of the Amalfi coast covers a wall in her home, reminding her of the beauty of Italy. This love for God’s beauty continues into her garden, where she has cultivated an oasis adorned with different flowers brightening her little space in Carlisle. But although she feels blessed by travel and flowers, Barb finds the most joy in seeing a person who “has been so devastated by life and all the things the enemy can throw at them” allow God to heal, redeem and restore. She loves witnessing this person gain victory over their pain in a way that only God can do. This may seem like a trite answer from a Pastor’s wife, but I can tell you that Barb truly believes this, and it is evident in the way she lives her life!

How does one get to the place where they find joy in seeing the restoration of others? It starts with a right perspective of oneself in relation to God. And Barb’s right perspective was evident throughout the interview. She never elevates herself but identifies with David of the Bible when he received some news about his descendant. It was prophesied that the Messiah, who would redeem all of Israel, would eventually be born through David’s line. Bathed in humility, David asked, “Who am I that you (God) are mindful of me?” Barb echoes David’s response despite a successful career as a nurse and a blessing of almost 40 years of marriage. Barb is still in awe of the God who cares for her despite describing herself prior to her conversion to Christianity as a “liability and a terrible person.”

Her relationship with God started in a place of loneliness. After finishing nursing school, Barb had what others would deem a fulfilling single life: a career, friends, and the occasional boyfriend. Yet, whether she was with friends or not, Barb felt alone, a feeling that had been below the surface her whole life. Her parents divorced when she was young, and soon after, her father deserted her. Her mother remarried when Barb was eight, but the relationship with her stepfather was challenging due to his binge drinking and harsh discipline. In this new marriage, she would have more siblings, but always felt different. They were the “real children” while she was the stepdaughter. Years later, those feelings of abandonment and rejection collided with that underlying feeling of loneliness. Tears and attempts to remedy this feeling did not change it. She felt utterly alone.

A year later, Barb found herself attending a church service with a friend, after running out of excuses not to come. That night, Barb encountered God in a way that she had never experienced. At the altar in tears, His warmth and presence flooded through her. And then she felt God answer her deepest cries by impressing on her mind “You have never been alone.” At that moment, Barb knew God was real and He knew the hidden pain she had in her heart. From that point on, Barb’s life was changed, and she never looked back. She soon got involved in a Life Group and started to grow in her relationship with God.

Less than a year later, after a short courtship, Barb married Dave Huston, a divorced man with three daughters. Those early years were tough for all involved. With the pressures of raising stepdaughters, custody battles, and dealing with the messy aftermath of divorce, Barb soon found herself at the altar feeling ill-equipped. She cried out to God asking why he had gotten her into this mess with all the angst and fighting. But again, He spoke to her, this time with a slightly disappointed tone, “I wasn’t cursing you; I was blessing you with this situation. Anybody can love their own children.” This stopped Barb’s tears, and she opened her eyes to the possibility of what God was trying to do. It started her on a journey of not only being a stepmom but making that relationship a fruitful blessing in the lives of her family.

Even though this happened over thirty years ago, this insight into God’s plan has shifted Barb’s future responses to tough situations. While still acknowledging feelings of disappointment or grief, she asks God what He wants her to learn from this situation. And this simple question helps her cultivate joy in hard situations. Barb finds Psalm 16:11 reassuring when it says, “Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” This fullness of joy is not just an emotion, but a state of mind that comes from her knowledge and experience with God. It’s a fruit of the spirit, rather than a gift, so it requires some effort on her part to cultivate it. Joy comes by experiencing who God is and knowing what eternity holds for her. Finally, its complete joy, knowing that all the hard things she has faced in the past have brought her into relationship with God and will be faded memories in eternity.

I have observed Barb’s sweet relationship with her husband. After 37 years of marriage, they still greet each other with a hug and kiss when she comes into the church every Sunday morning. It’s not a cursory greeting, but both significantly light up when they are in each other’s presence. This joy in marriage didn’t happen overnight. Along with the challenges of a blended family, Barb also dealt with abandonment and other issues stemming from her childhood. She reacted to conflict by wanting to fight, but Dave responded with prayer, consistently extending grace to her. God used Dave to minister to her and help her grow in faith and security. And the joy she experiences by the transformation of others to healing and wholeness has happened in her own life. This doesn’t make Dave the perfect “Prince Charming” or her the perfect wife. Instead, Barb has chosen not to dwell on things she wishes were different but instead build upon the love and respect they have for each other.

Additionally, Barb says she is inspired to be joyful by Dave’s consistently Christ-like character, both in public and in their home. Barb recognizes he doesn’t have a bubbly personality but is steady and finds “his peace and center in God.” In difficult situations he is undaunted and allows God to take him to the better spot. And in turn, Barb inspires those around her to be joyful with her conscious decision to present herself with a smile and peace. Both at work and in church, she chooses not to get ruffled in challenging situations but instead brings her concerns to God. Some may think of her as having a perfect life, but she knows that while her life is not perfect, her God is!

Humility, transformation, and gratefulness are the hallmarks of joy for Barb’s life. It is evident in her marriage, ministry, and career. And it is evident in things that didn’t happen in her own life. Two years after her marriage to Dave, her stepdaughters lost their mom due to a rare cancer. Barb never had children of her own and recognized that she was not their replacement mother. But instead, followed God’s chosen path in her life to be a blessing to her family. One of her stepdaughters believes that both she and Barb have risen above the stereotypical stepmother/stepdaughter relationship. They love one another as Godly Christian women, creating the very relationship that God intended them to have.

Barb authentically points everything back to her encounter with a Jesus who cared about her. She never presents self as having arrived at a certain spiritual status but is instead candid about her own shortcomings. When she leads prayer or speaks a word of encouragement to others, it is always wisdom sprinkled with vulnerability and humor. She points to the success of her career in nursing as God giving her favor. She truly sees the calling her husband had to Carlisle as a place where they could serve others, and she does so in countless ways.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” James 1:2-3

She sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face, reliving the evening’s events. It had been the monthly school program, where all her friends stood up before the whole church reciting different Biblical passages they had memorized and sang a song or two. Among the adults, Michele and her brother were the only two children sitting on the wooden pews watching the presentation. Michele clapped her hands at the end of the program, happy for her friends. But inside, her heart was broken, waiting for privacy to let her tears fall. But even then, she didn’t cry bitter tears full of resentment towards her friends or her mother, who just didn’t have the finances to afford the tuition. Instead, she brought her disappointed tears to the only one she knew who could help: Jesus. A year later, she did end up attending the Christian school, but this simple habit of bringing all her disappointments to the Lord was the greatest prize.

I have seen some beautiful bodies of water, from the rhythmic waves of the Atlantic Ocean to bubbly mountain streams in spring. But one of the most beautiful bodies of water I have seen is a small man-made lake in the Appalachian Mountains near my home. In the fall, this placid lake reflects the scarlet and golden hues of maples and oaks, enhancing an already beautiful scene. It’s a place where you can sit and soak in the goodness of God.

Like the lake, my friend Michele Cassaday reflects the beauty of joy. She would not describe herself as bubbly or effervescent. Instead, she embodies contentment with quietness and assuredness, that reflects God working in her. I count my thirty-five-year friendship with Michele as one of my greatest blessings. Although she wears a little less pink, she is still the same steady friend she was many years ago. This month she is celebrating sixteen years of marriage to her husband, Ken. Her only child, Shantel, has returned to college. And her life continues in the same steady way it has for years, working with autistic children as her career, and ministering in many different capacities in her church.

Michele developed her relationship with Jesus as a young child, paying close attention to the adults around her, particularly her Sunday School teachers. Scriptural principles like “when you have disappointments, bring them to Jesus” and “do all things as unto the Lord” were imprinted on her young mind. And they served her well when even bigger disappointments came later.

This relationship as a small child inspired her to be a Sunday School teacher for over thirty years. She passionately believes Sunday School is foundational for children’s start with God. She spends time putting together lessons, creating crafts, and preparing snacks that point children to God. She prays that the little mantras she teaches about God’s word being true will resonate in their lives twenty years down the road. Rebecca Ingram, whose three children Michele has taught, recently posted on social media “You pour 100% into each child every Sunday and go above and beyond your preparation and prayer for them each weekday. Your servant’s heart says yes over and over again.”

Michele was an ordinary teenager, with sleepovers, hanging out with friends, and lots of laughter. But she was never trendy or into pop culture. Instead, her greatest dream of being married and having a family manifested itself in her monthly subscription to Good Housekeeping and listening to Dr. Dobson’s advice. After getting married, Michele struggled with infertility for about three years. Every month was a reminder of dreams not realized, and soon doctor visits revealed hurdles to overcome to fulfill her dream. Meanwhile, each new announcement of a friend’s pregnancy was a painful reminder of the emptiness in her life. Again, Michele continued the habit she learned as a child, bringing her painful feelings before the Lord. She cried out to God that she didn’t want to be jealous or bitter, and prayed that she could be supportive. This habit on her knees with tears and authentic feelings enabled Michele to celebrate with her friends and participate in planning multiple baby showers, including my own.

Michele would never describe her habit as something she conjured up within herself, instead she acknowledges the sentiments of Paul found in Romans 14:17, “for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” This inward quality of joy comes from God and can only be attained by His Spirit. For Michele, joy is not a feeling based on circumstances. Joy “is the assurance that God is always with you, that God is never going to leave you, and you are not without hope.”

This leads to the verse that orientates Michele towards joy, found in her favorite book of the Bible, James. It says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” The scripture continues that this patience will work in you a complete and perfect work. Throughout scripture, Michele sees joy contrasted with suffering. And this relationship with the two has helped her pursue contentment in the most difficult situations, including her parents’ divorce, her infertility struggles, and her own divorce.

Each of those circumstances could have brought her to despair, but Michele’s faith in God and his Word continues to sustain her through the hard times. The habit of bringing her hard feelings to Jesus, including asking God to help her forgive, has reflected itself in Michele’s spirit of contentment.  She describes this habit as “consistent effort” and a learning process. She also recognizes the importance of expectations and thankfulness. With people in her life who have disappointed her, she has lowered expectations and chosen thankfulness over being crushed. She believes being joyful is not an island all by itself, it’s birthed through practicing forgiveness, thankfulness and choosing contentment.

I hesitated asking Michele about participating in this interview, aware of the current difficulties she and her family are facing. For the past few months, her husband Ken has been in severe pain, losing a significant amount of weight. Unfortunately, the doctors have been unable to pinpoint the source of pain and are still doing testing. Yet, when I spent time with her in June, I saw Michele choosing joy despite the hard situation they are facing. And two months later, she still is choosing joy. It is not that she hasn’t cried out to God and would love some answers. But all the past situations she has gone through have laid a foundation of faith where she can rest in God.

I’ve walked along with Michele in most of her hard moments as an adult. I’ve seen her actively choose to forgive when her feelings didn’t match her prayers. I have seen her choose to trust God, when the outcomes weren’t what she dreamed. I have seen her work through past brokenness so she could start a new marriage with Ken. And this consistent habit of bringing hard feelings to God has inspired me to choose contentment, but it’s also her witness to others. Her coworkers and church family see her as one who really cares about what she does, it’s not just a job or teaching a Sunday School class or cleaning the church. They don’t see her complain about minor irritants. Instead, she wholeheartedly completes her tasks because it’s not about her but about pleasing God.

And she neither wants to be put on a pedestal nor puts others on a pedestal. This keeps her in a place of humility. She sees traits in others she strives to have in her life, and honestly recognizes where she comes up short. When I complimented her on being one of the most animated Sunday School teachers I have ever seen, she pursued humility by choosing to put others above her.

Joy is a good gift from God that also has an outward expression. For Michele, it may be found in savoring an incredible piece of chocolate, although I was surprised it wasn’t birthday cake for breakfast. But joy as an experience manifested itself in the miracle of childbirth for Michele. After experiencing years of infertility, Michele was finally at the hospital giving birth to her miracle baby, Shantel. Despite having phobias related to hospitals and blood, Michele enjoyed every minute of her experience, marveling at the goodness of God in her little rosebud baby girl. For just a moment, she felt like the superwoman we all believe she is.

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

A fork in a casket was a surprising ending to my insightful conversation with my friend Cheryl Budworth, a Texas native transplanted to Wisconsin. When asked about what object or experience exemplifies joy for her, I expected to hear about one of her many travel adventures or finding wildflowers on a drive. Instead, she shared a story she heard years ago about a young girl diagnosed with terminal cancer. The girl sat with her pastor, sharing with him her last wishes when she added that she wanted to be buried with a fork in her right hand. Perplexed, he asked, “Why?” The girl shared some wisdom that her grandmother had instilled in her. As a child, her grandmother remembered family meals surrounded by loved ones. After the main dish, she was told to keep her fork, signifying something better was to come. She could hardly wait to see what was coming next: a velvety piece of chocolate cake or flaky fruity pie? One thing she knew for certain, this fork indicated something amazing was coming. Like the young girl, this story has centered Cheryl’s life, reminding her of the amazing things just around the corner while maintaining the relationships she holds dear.

If you met Cheryl in person, her smile and her southern drawl would draw you in as she greeted you with a hug. After a few minutes you would be laughing at a story she shared. Giving God all the glory, she may share some things about her life. Cheryl is the Executive Director of a hospital and professional billing team for a large organization where she leads over 600 people. Additionally, she heads the women’s ministry in her growing church, coordinating ladies’ events with excellence. She beams with joy about being the wife of her husband, Mike, and spending time together with their four children, and two beautiful grandbabies, with one more on the way. Along with her family, Cheryl would add she truly has many beautiful “sisterhood relationships” that enrich her life.

At first glance, you would see this beautiful, successful woman and think her life was perfect. She would say that, currently, she finds joy in every area of her life. But this wasn’t always the case. Cheryl had to discover joy beyond the “shadow of pain” that engulfed her life for years. She is a survivor of multiple forms of abuse, has had broken relationships, been a single parent, and has experienced financial hardship. It would be easy to gloss over this list and forget each item is a story with bruises, shattered dreams, depression, and a tight budget. Cheryl doesn’t often openly share the details but uses her experiences to encourage other women on a personal level to “discover the joy she was able to find.”

Her belief about joy is embodied by a Rick Warren quote that Cheryl keeps as a reminder. According to Warren, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details in my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” This “quiet confidence” has allowed her to trust God in hard places, including at the devastating end of a seven-year dating relationship. One day, lying on the edge of her bed, Cheryl was at her lowest, feeling she had nothing left to offer. But God used the one person He knew who could raise Cheryl out of her dark place, her seven-year-old son. Justin stood by the bed, talking to his mom. As she gazed into those little brown eyes, Cheryl felt her depression lift. Along with daily phone calls with her mom, Cheryl started to move forward, and trust that God had a future for her.

This brings Cheryl to another principle that has helped her get beyond the shadow of pain when joy was not easily accessible. Instead of looking far ahead, Cheryl chooses to do the next right thing. Sometimes it might be calling a friend and being vulnerable about where she is at, or maybe it’s making a meal for someone else, or taking a nature walk. These simple steps, without the pressure of figuring everything out, help her “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Disney reminds Cheryl of this principle with the song “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen 2, which she keeps on her playlist.

Finally, Cheryl reminds herself of the wisdom principle found in Proverbs 17:22. It says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” She knows that cultivating joy brings healing to her life. The converse is unthinkable: if she stays in a broken place, she will wither and die.

The next right thing and healing are not just for Cheryl’s benefit. Joy flows through Cheryl to others through her gift of hospitality. It is evident not just by the number of visitors she has to her home, but by the large group of friends she invites into her life, both personally and professionally. If she is hosting a work meeting, she doesn’t hesitate to bring a quiche to make her co-workers feel cared for. She greets guests in her church so that they feel connected. She uses stories and laughter to relate to others and bring levity to difficult situations. And she develops friendships, even with those who are the most introverted, by sharing jokes and memes through texts until they can laugh in person over the same material.

What struck me throughout our conversation is that Cheryl’s joyful confidence was borne out of insecurity and brokenness. She did not come to the table with a pedigree of leadership or awareness of her giftings. She just served and found fulfillment in this act. And although she was surrounded by the gift of amazing mentors in the different Godly women who befriended her, she didn’t try to copy or compete with them. Instead, she asked God to help her to develop these areas in a way only she could authentically be. Today, she stands on the shoulders of great women because she decided to be a blessing to them and to learn from them.

Patsy Davis, one of her greatest mentors, was a pastor’s wife who loved hospitality. She welcomed many into her home with a seat at the table, a blanket to keep warm, and food to feed the soul. This same woman later took Cheryl into her life, where they painted walls in the new church building and rode bikes in the dark. Besides hospitality, Patsy’s joyful outlook taught Cheryl not to take life so seriously. This principle echoes the lesson Cheryl finds in Proverbs 17 about a joyful heart being good medicine.

The hard moments could have left her bitter and frustrated. For Cheryl, joy is not a happily ever after but a choice to trust God. It’s a choice to focus on the good things. And it’s a choice to “delight” in the goodness of God. A few years ago, Cheryl decided to keep a journal of things that bring her delight. This list includes moments like sitting down in a Dallas airport with her “Whataburger” and her husband with his “Chick-fil-a”, simple fast food that brings pleasure to both. It’s her son hugging her tight after coming home from deployment, understanding that her arms are home to him. It’s getting an unexpected phone call from her grandniece just because she wants to tell “Aunt Cheryl” something. And it’s hearing humpback whales sing through sonar on a trip to Hawaii reminding her of God’s majesty.

My interview with Cheryl flowed as easily as her joy because being joyful is a way of life for her. It’s not based on her personality or even her current outcomes but on knowing at every difficult moment, joy was to be found. It’s choosing the next right thing, even choosing to bless others when things are hard. And it’s finding things to laugh about along the way. Cheryl moved to my hometown a few years after I moved to Pennsylvania. And even though we have never lived in the same place at the same time, Cheryl makes me feel welcome in the place I used to call home!

“And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.” 1 John 1:4

It was late afternoon, and the twin boys were done! They played blocks, rolled balls, and read books. While shaking wooden maracas to music, they explored the nursery through crawling and attempting to walk. They had already had their first nap, ate lunch, and were hydrated. Nothing in the room or in their toy bag was satisfying their curiosity or capturing their attention. One wore a slightly grumpy expression as if to say, “Come on, is this all you have?”, while the other’s constant smile started to sag. They wanted mom, who still had a few things left to do in the office, and I was the less appealing substitute. So, I broke out what all preschool and Sunday School teachers know to be the antidote to toddler crabbiness: the miracle bubble wand. Immediately, as the first iridescent spheres floated across the room into view, grumpiness left, and smiles widened. Soon, the boys were squealing with delight, hands reaching out to capture a bubble or two. These magic bubbles enchanted them for the next fifteen minutes, until mom could finish her tasks.

Ingrid Fetell Lee wrote Joyful, a delightful book exploring the concept of how “ordinary things create extraordinary happiness”. She interviewed people and found universally that different objects or ideas brought joy to different people, things like glitter, bright colors, nature, patterns, and of course, bubbles. She then explored how various artists, designers, and architects incorporated these ideas into their work, making space for more joy in our daily lives. One of my favorite ideas that she highlighted was the Brooklyn artist Magda Sayeg who knitted sleeves for parking meters, adding a bit of surprise on the busy gray concrete New York sidewalks.

Throughout the course of writing this blog, I have shared with readers a window into what brings me joy, including my love of citrus, fresh produce, and plants. But for me, joy is more than the yellow gnome that sits on my floating shelf. It’s more than the egg chair on my patio that encompasses me on balmy summer evenings. It’s even more than the sweet laughter from my beautiful grandchildren.

It is not something I experienced as a child. While I did have fleeting moments of happiness, they were swallowed by the secrets I harbored concerning my sexual trauma. It felt as if someone else was holding a remote on my childhood where Campfire girls, cupcakes, and Cabbage Patch dolls are fast forwarded while hearing steps in the stairwell as I sob silently in my bedroom are in slow motion. I remember some holidays where we put on the pretense of a normal family, unwrapping presents under a tree. These moments were quickly superseded with drunken outbursts and more secrets. Yes, I had happy moments but never joy.

My first experience of joy came at the altar where I invited Jesus into my life. I initially felt peace, but joy soon followed. I no longer felt hopeless, but instead, felt secure in knowing that God was good and good to me. As I grew in my relationship with Jesus, I realized that this sovereign, majestic God not only cared for and loved me, but had plans for me. Along with God’s word, I delighted in observing His reflection in the world around me. Soon, joy started bubbling up within me. It wasn’t based on my circumstances, where I lived, or what I had. It was solely based on my relationship with Jesus. And as I grew in God, I realized I didn’t have to earn points to keep this joy. It was always available when I rested in His arms.

Like Ingrid Fetell Lee, I want to explore joy over the next few weeks. As delightful as confetti and treehouses are, I want to explore this concept of joy in four women my age and older who exemplify joy to me. Some of these women might be described as bubbly in nature, while others have a more serene state of joy. One I have known for over thirty years, while the others, my relationship with them is more recent. But what they all have in common is that when I spend time with or think about these women, I am inspired to be more joyful in all areas of my life. In their own individual ways, they each reflect the image of God in how they express joy. So, my hope is to interview these women, highlighting some of their wisdom and how they reflect joy in their lives. I want to learn the secret sauce to what makes each of them joyful. My last post will be highlighting three younger women who bring me joy. These dynamic young women choose joy by pursuing creative endeavors. When I am around them, I look at the world with fresh eyes, and see all the possibilities of a life in God!

I hope you join me in this series of “Joy” posts. My prayer is that despite whatever “hard” you may be going through, you will see joy is possible. I hope that you don’t chase happiness, but instead chase joy that is fulfilling and long-lasting. Finally, I hope you are as inspired as I am by these amazing women who choose joy!