Discovering Joy with Cheryl: Part 2

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

A fork in a casket was a surprising ending to my insightful conversation with my friend Cheryl Budworth, a Texas native transplanted to Wisconsin. When asked about what object or experience exemplifies joy for her, I expected to hear about one of her many travel adventures or finding wildflowers on a drive. Instead, she shared a story she heard years ago about a young girl diagnosed with terminal cancer. The girl sat with her pastor, sharing with him her last wishes when she added that she wanted to be buried with a fork in her right hand. Perplexed, he asked, “Why?” The girl shared some wisdom that her grandmother had instilled in her. As a child, her grandmother remembered family meals surrounded by loved ones. After the main dish, she was told to keep her fork, signifying something better was to come. She could hardly wait to see what was coming next: a velvety piece of chocolate cake or flaky fruity pie? One thing she knew for certain, this fork indicated something amazing was coming. Like the young girl, this story has centered Cheryl’s life, reminding her of the amazing things just around the corner while maintaining the relationships she holds dear.

If you met Cheryl in person, her smile and her southern drawl would draw you in as she greeted you with a hug. After a few minutes you would be laughing at a story she shared. Giving God all the glory, she may share some things about her life. Cheryl is the Executive Director of a hospital and professional billing team for a large organization where she leads over 600 people. Additionally, she heads the women’s ministry in her growing church, coordinating ladies’ events with excellence. She beams with joy about being the wife of her husband, Mike, and spending time together with their four children, and two beautiful grandbabies, with one more on the way. Along with her family, Cheryl would add she truly has many beautiful “sisterhood relationships” that enrich her life.

At first glance, you would see this beautiful, successful woman and think her life was perfect. She would say that, currently, she finds joy in every area of her life. But this wasn’t always the case. Cheryl had to discover joy beyond the “shadow of pain” that engulfed her life for years. She is a survivor of multiple forms of abuse, has had broken relationships, been a single parent, and has experienced financial hardship. It would be easy to gloss over this list and forget each item is a story with bruises, shattered dreams, depression, and a tight budget. Cheryl doesn’t often openly share the details but uses her experiences to encourage other women on a personal level to “discover the joy she was able to find.”

Her belief about joy is embodied by a Rick Warren quote that Cheryl keeps as a reminder. According to Warren, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details in my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” This “quiet confidence” has allowed her to trust God in hard places, including at the devastating end of a seven-year dating relationship. One day, lying on the edge of her bed, Cheryl was at her lowest, feeling she had nothing left to offer. But God used the one person He knew who could raise Cheryl out of her dark place, her seven-year-old son. Justin stood by the bed, talking to his mom. As she gazed into those little brown eyes, Cheryl felt her depression lift. Along with daily phone calls with her mom, Cheryl started to move forward, and trust that God had a future for her.

This brings Cheryl to another principle that has helped her get beyond the shadow of pain when joy was not easily accessible. Instead of looking far ahead, Cheryl chooses to do the next right thing. Sometimes it might be calling a friend and being vulnerable about where she is at, or maybe it’s making a meal for someone else, or taking a nature walk. These simple steps, without the pressure of figuring everything out, help her “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Disney reminds Cheryl of this principle with the song “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen 2, which she keeps on her playlist.

Finally, Cheryl reminds herself of the wisdom principle found in Proverbs 17:22. It says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” She knows that cultivating joy brings healing to her life. The converse is unthinkable: if she stays in a broken place, she will wither and die.

The next right thing and healing are not just for Cheryl’s benefit. Joy flows through Cheryl to others through her gift of hospitality. It is evident not just by the number of visitors she has to her home, but by the large group of friends she invites into her life, both personally and professionally. If she is hosting a work meeting, she doesn’t hesitate to bring a quiche to make her co-workers feel cared for. She greets guests in her church so that they feel connected. She uses stories and laughter to relate to others and bring levity to difficult situations. And she develops friendships, even with those who are the most introverted, by sharing jokes and memes through texts until they can laugh in person over the same material.

What struck me throughout our conversation is that Cheryl’s joyful confidence was borne out of insecurity and brokenness. She did not come to the table with a pedigree of leadership or awareness of her giftings. She just served and found fulfillment in this act. And although she was surrounded by the gift of amazing mentors in the different Godly women who befriended her, she didn’t try to copy or compete with them. Instead, she asked God to help her to develop these areas in a way only she could authentically be. Today, she stands on the shoulders of great women because she decided to be a blessing to them and to learn from them.

Patsy Davis, one of her greatest mentors, was a pastor’s wife who loved hospitality. She welcomed many into her home with a seat at the table, a blanket to keep warm, and food to feed the soul. This same woman later took Cheryl into her life, where they painted walls in the new church building and rode bikes in the dark. Besides hospitality, Patsy’s joyful outlook taught Cheryl not to take life so seriously. This principle echoes the lesson Cheryl finds in Proverbs 17 about a joyful heart being good medicine.

The hard moments could have left her bitter and frustrated. For Cheryl, joy is not a happily ever after but a choice to trust God. It’s a choice to focus on the good things. And it’s a choice to “delight” in the goodness of God. A few years ago, Cheryl decided to keep a journal of things that bring her delight. This list includes moments like sitting down in a Dallas airport with her “Whataburger” and her husband with his “Chick-fil-a”, simple fast food that brings pleasure to both. It’s her son hugging her tight after coming home from deployment, understanding that her arms are home to him. It’s getting an unexpected phone call from her grandniece just because she wants to tell “Aunt Cheryl” something. And it’s hearing humpback whales sing through sonar on a trip to Hawaii reminding her of God’s majesty.

My interview with Cheryl flowed as easily as her joy because being joyful is a way of life for her. It’s not based on her personality or even her current outcomes but on knowing at every difficult moment, joy was to be found. It’s choosing the next right thing, even choosing to bless others when things are hard. And it’s finding things to laugh about along the way. Cheryl moved to my hometown a few years after I moved to Pennsylvania. And even though we have never lived in the same place at the same time, Cheryl makes me feel welcome in the place I used to call home!