Discovering Joy with Nancy: Part 5

“Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

My ninety-minute conversation with Nancy Norris was as engaging as her laugh is contagious. And anyone who has ever been her student or been with her at a conference knows what I am talking about. Her laugh is a spontaneous burst of joy that instantly grabs everyone’s attention and changes the atmosphere. But behind this delightful laughter is a woman who has known pain and is determined not let it define her life. Instead, she believes any pain she has gone through has been for a purpose.

I had heard about Nancy and her husband, Dave, for years, and our paths have followed each other at different points. They planted a church in Wisconsin close to where I grew up. They later worked at Kent Bible College, where a friend of mine attended. While at Kent, they pastored outside of Philadelphia, becoming friends with my current pastor and his wife. They then ended up in St. Louis, where she is an adjunct professor for Urshan College. Here my biggest connection came when my son started dating his future wife, Rachel. Nancy had taken Rachel under her wing, mentoring her while Rachel attended Urshan.

 At Rachel’s graduation, I had the opportunity to meet the Norrises for the first time. And every good word spoken about them was confirmed in the kindness they demonstrated to my father-in-law. It was a busy day for the Norrises being integral members of the Urshan community, both at the graduate and undergraduate level. This graduation was for many students they had taught, mentored, and discipled, so they had many family members to greet. Despite their busyness, they both took time out of their schedule to meet both my husband and I, along with my father-in-law, a country preacher from West Virginia. They knew about the recent passing of my mother-in-law and gave their condolences. They spent time talking about the hills and hollows of West Virginia. They showed genuine interest in his life, and it made my father-in-law feel special. I watched how artfully they engaged in conversation with him and was humbled by their gift for hospitality, exemplifying the love of Christ in this short conversation.

But this wasn’t just an outlier incident for Nancy. A year later, I started my blog, and soon she was dropping comments and sharing my posts. When she heard that I wanted to write a book about my abuse, she encouraged me and believes my story will resonate with others. I know that I am not the only life she is impacting. If you browse her social media, you will see others thanking her for sprinkling her fairy dust of wisdom and encouragement wherever she goes.

Nancy grew up as the daughter of a pastor, but with her mother’s wise actions, her childhood saw the joys of being involved in ministry. Her mother provided a safe place where Nancy and her siblings didn’t know about the struggles pastors had when dealing with people and their problems. Instead, she only sensed something was wrong when her mother went to her bedroom, shut the door for privacy, and prayed. But more than just provide safety, Nancy’s mom chose joy in ministry. She loved leading the children’s choir and playing the piano. More importantly she loved God and this example set a precedent in Nancy’s life.

Nancy eventually went to college, met Dave, and married, embarking on a life of ministry. After Dave felt led to start a church in West Bend, Wisconsin, Nancy also started on her journey of being a mother. But even though new families were being spiritually birthed under their ministry, Nancy struggled month after month with no signs of an impending baby. After testing and more trying, eventually she found herself pregnant. And in the middle of a Wisconsin snowstorm, her son Nathaniel was born.

 But his birth didn’t go quite as expected. After waking up from a C-section, Nancy knew something was wrong with her baby. When Dave confirmed that their son had some challenges, Nancy chose the name Nathaniel, which means “gift from God,” believing he was their gift for however long they would have him. Nathaniel was born with a rare chromosomal disorder called Cri du Chat. The name is a French term given to the distinctive cat-like sounds made by babies with this disorder. It affects mobility, ability to swallow, and other areas of development. And because he was on the severe side of the disorder, Nathaniel’s life expectancy was only 2-3 years.

While being given this update, Nancy sat with a friend, another minster’s wife. And this woman demonstrated the gift of presence. No words or scriptural principles would have comforted Nancy while her baby was in the NICU. Too often, words can come off as trite and unkind. Instead, this woman sat there quietly and answered questions while Nancy recovered from the hazy aftereffects of anesthesia. And this gift is something she has regifted to others, the ministry of simple presence in difficult situations.

Despite the doctor’s dire predictions, God blessed the Norrises with Nathaniel for thirteen years. He thrived after getting a G-tube for feedings and started to grow. Her memories of Nathaniel spilled out with overflowing joy, despite his setbacks and challenges. If anything, those seemed to fade in the background as she talked about his connection with others in their growing community of Bible college and church. Nancy shared with me the special sounds that Nathaniel communicated with her, letting her know he was content, scared, and ready to get his day going. Nathaniel loved listening to a recording of The Velveteen Rabbit daily after his bath, and a certain point in the book elicited a sigh of pleasure. And in the middle of all this, God was doing miracles like providing diapers for months from her church community, finding the perfect residential facility for Nathaniel when he was twelve, and taking care of the mounting hospital bills. And through it all, Nancy chose joy!

Nancy believes the words found in Nehemiah 8:10, “for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Although this portion of the scripture is quoted often, people forget the phrase that comes before where it says, “Do not sorrow”. Nancy admits that she has struggled and still struggles with depression from time to time. But she has learned over the years, attempts to dismiss her mental health struggles don’t help her. God can meet and love her in her depression just as much as he can when she feels bubbly. When she acknowledges those hard feelings, she can still find joy and strength to continue. Furthermore, she emphatically states, “I don’t think we should waste our pain.” She continues, “It’s there, it happened. God has helped us. Someway, somehow, we are getting through it. And what if my pain or something else I have gone through can help another person?”

Nancy doesn’t shy away from hard topics, even ones that are often kept quiet within Christian circles. Like many Christians, Nancy experienced “church hurt”. Church hurt happens often with believers where someone might feel misunderstood, judged, or diminished by another Christian. This can be a hard place to find joy. Nancy recognized that person was not going to change, and she felt that her own actions had been honorable. The only thing she could do was to remove herself from the situation. Meanwhile, Nancy had to treat the other person well despite the hurt. This was not based on her own abilities, but God sanctifying her so that she could act right. After recognizing there would be no resolution, she had to let go of the pain to move forward.

Laughter, joy, and tears are hallmarks of Nancy’s life. She teaches a presentation called “Laughter and Tears” where she articulates the values of both emotions in a well-balanced Christian life. She hands out red clown noses to lighten the mood, helping others to not take themselves too seriously. When at restaurants, she has seen how the laughter in her party is contagious to others around them. She looks for God’s expression of laughter in the Bible in places like Job, where his friend says “He (God) will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” She recognizes that life is hard and serious, but sometimes fake mustaches and red clown noses can make hard situations lighter.

Statistics paint a grim picture for parents of children with severe or terminal health challenges. These parents may struggle with depression and addictions. Often, marriages don’t survive the death of a child. Yet, when talking to Nancy, I heard expressions of joy overflow in our conversation. She kept using words like “beautiful” and “sweet” when sharing memories of Nathaniel. Every February, on Nathaniel’s birthday she covers her Facebook feed with pictures of a young boy smiling with his beloved parents and friends. She and her husband wrote the book “Sweet Pain: Joy on the Road Less Traveled” about their life with Nathaniel, which has ministered to others. They didn’t waste their pain, instead they use it to connect, mentor, and help others.

The song “I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe asks the question about what the songwriter will do when he sees Jesus in Heaven. I can’t help but imagine someday Nancy will get to heaven and hear a deep laugh that maybe echoes her own. She will look across the street of gold and see Nathaniel wearing a clown nose and smiling at her. And just because God is so good, he will provide a delicious, zesty key lime pie, which brings Nancy joy, at a table where she and her son can share a slice!