“Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth, and it stands fast.” Psalm 119:90
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Today is the day! After a lifetime of experiences and almost 5 years of writing, Reclaimed & Restored is officially published. I am going to celebrate with family and friends for the next week at my two book launches. If you can’t make it, be sure to order a copy for yourself and a friend. God is so faithful, and I can’t wait to see how He uses this little book to help others.
“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless, maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.” Psalm 82:3
I am less than a week away from the release of Reclaimed & Restored. It will be available on October 25th through Amazon. I will also be selling copies at my book launches on Oct. 26th and Nov 2nd. I am excited and a bit nervous. I have heard other authors compare launching a book to having a baby. It is a lot of work and once it’s out in the universe, this book baby is precious to you. You can’t wait for people to read it. After a baby is born, everyone wants to know details: how much does the baby weigh, does the baby have hair, what is the baby’s name, and who does the baby look like? I have had similar questions from both friends and acquaintances about my book. I am going to take the time to answer a few of those questions here.
Who is the intended audience for this book?In the beginning, I struggled with this question, but as I continued to write, it became clearer. This book is for any survivor or anyone who loves and supports survivors of sexual assault, regardless of whether it happened as a child or an adult. It is also for the Christian church at large because I hope that they care about this issue as much as Jesus does. It is not a self-help book but a memoir of my journey through healing. I hope that readers can see a path forward to healing, either for themselves or for their loved ones.
You write from a Christian world point of view; can it resonate with those who don’t practice your faith? Also, will it resonate with those who have experienced sexual trauma within their Christian faith? As a reader, I don’t limit myself to books that are written only by Christians. Truth is truth, no matter the source. Some of the most important books I have read on this subject came from those who did not articulate a faith system. I will not presume anyone’s interaction with the book, but I hope that I wrote it in a way that was true to my experience. And if I was effective, I think anyone, whether they have a Christian faith or not, or if they have been harmed within a Christian community, can see how one woman found healing in her own faith. Hopefully, my words will help them find hope for their own lives.
The church has not always been supportive of sexual assault victims (victim blaming, covering up sexual assault), do you address this in your book?Yes, I do address these issues. I think the Christian community needs to address the harm they have caused to survivors by perpetuating rape culture in their community with misinformed ideas about sexual assault. This is emphasized in my epilogue entitled Worth. My sexual trauma happened before I became a Christian. Although I personally did not experience victim blaming, I have heard other Christians perpetuate victim blaming when speaking about other situations. I did experience harm from adults who pressured me to express forgiveness to my perpetrator without him acknowledging the harm he inflicted on me. Although this is not the main theme of my book, the topic is important to address.
You mention that you include some graphic details about your sexual assault, why?I spent a lot of time praying and thinking about this part of the book. Too many Christian books on sexual assault gloss over the hard, ugly details. I think trauma is only healed when it comes out of the shadows and into the light. For me, I shared these details in therapy over thirty years ago. That was a positive experience for me, but when I shared my story again with other victims and heard their stories, only then did I feel validated and supported in my experience. Additionally, I had a young woman who is a sexual assault survivor read that portion of the book. She said after reading that portion, it helped validate her own experience. On the flip side, I hope the graphic details help those who love survivors by giving them a glimpse of the brutal, soul-crushing violence that survivors experience. I do not sugarcoat it. But it is a short portion of the whole book, and it comes in early. But if you read on, you will find more beauty and healing. This was affirmed time and time again by those who helped edit the book, and it was said best by Denise Thompson: “It is horrifyingly beautiful!”
Did writing help bring more healing to you? The book took almost five years to write, because I needed to do more work on my healing. I had to think, process, and figure out how to convey in words the work I was doing as I was writing. When I initially outlined the book, I had not included the chapter on “Little Sherry” or the chapter that dealt with my biological father and my Indigenous roots. I also wasn’t going to include the chapter on my other sexual assault by a neighbor. But as I wrote, I knew my story had some holes, and those chapters helped fill those holes. Also, as I did research, I discovered more ways my trauma has impacted me. And with that, more work had to be done. Healing is work. It is acknowledging the ways trauma has harmed you and impacted your relationships with yourself, your family, and your friends. Healing is also not letting your trauma define you but informing you of why you respond the way you do. Healing is working towards changing those unhealthy responses into a more healthy and whole way of living.
What is your hope for Reclaimed & Restored as it is being launched?Since I am self-publishing, I have no illusions that this will make the New York Times Bestseller list. That was never my goal. I do hope that readers share this book with friends and families. I hope when readers finish the book, they take a minute to post reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. This will help the algorithms and expose other readers to the book. I pray that the book finds its way into the hands of those who need it the most. I hope, as other books have done for me, it helps victims identify the ways trauma has impacted them but gives them hope that healing is possible.
How did your family feel about you writing this book? I did ask for permission from everyone whose story I included. I did try to keep it to my story, and not include their feelings or experiences. Everyone in my family has been supportive, including my mother and my siblings. But I am not going to deny or minimize the fact that some or all of us will have some difficult feelings to process once the book is released. But I do know that all of us have lived better lives after that experience was over than we lived during it, and I am grateful for that.
After you get your copy and have time to read Reclaimed & Restored, I would love to answer any more questions you might have. I want to hear your feedback. My only caveat: if you find a typo, give me a moment to bask in the newborn stage of my book. Editing is hard work, and I just want to savor the success of the book launch before hearing about a comma mistake.
Six days till Reclaimed & Restored is launched!!!!
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,” Psalm 127:3
Dear Little Sherry,
I want to start off by saying I love you and I am so thankful that you were brave and survived, but I so wish things had been different for you.
I wish you had had pretty dresses that you could twirl in. I wish you could have felt like a princess and beamed with delight that you were enough. I am sorry that you wore leggings and jeans that were ripped in between your legs because of your thighs rubbing together. I am sorry that you had to wear the army green jacket that made you feel ugly. I would give you more pink and yellow, colors that made you feel beautiful and cheerful, the child you were meant to be.
I wish someone had taken the time to make breakfast for you. I wish they had poured your cold grape juice in a glass like you preferred and made you soft scrambled eggs or oatmeal. You deserved someone to make your favorite meal special.
I wish you had laughed more and not been laughed at. I would sit with you and watch the funny cartoons like Bugs Bunny and listen to your giggle. I am sure your laughter would have filled the room with sunshine.
I wish you had played more. I don’t remember when you stopped playing, but I know you have no memories of toys or using your imagination except to escape your abuse. I can imagine you playing for hours with things like Barbies or baby dolls. Maybe you would have built things with blocks or designed pictures with art supplies.
I wish someone had written notes to you on your first day of school, letting you know they believed in you and that you would make friends. I wish someone had told you that you were a good big sister, and not held you accountable for all the things that went wrong.
I wish you had been tucked in at night, with a special blanket and stuffed animal, and had a story read to you that made you dream. I wish someone would have asked you what your favorite thing was for the day, and you would tell them about a fun activity at school. I wish you had a safe place to go when you had nightmares, instead of trembling in your bed from the fear of something that no child should ever dream of, let alone experience.
I wish someone had encouraged you to take more walks in nature and look for the beauty God had created. As an adult, you get excited when you see vibrant verdant moss covering a path or wild purple mushrooms growing next to a tree. I can only imagine the squeals of delight you would have made as a child seeing the explosive beauty of nature. I wish someone had taken you to the library after these walks so your insatiable curiosity could be satisfied instead of spending hours in front of the television.
I wish you had someone safe to share your common childhood disappointments with, instead of stuffing them with food. When you were bullied on the bus, I wish you had been able to come home and tell someone, instead of coming home to endure more bullying. I wish when you realized you couldn’t sing on key or dance with rhythm, that someone had told you to sing and dance anyway. I wish they had played your favorite music and had a dance party with you at home.
I wish someone had encouraged you to write, even if you struggled with your penmanship. I wish they would have realized how much you identified with Jo in Little Women and bought you a desk so you could create stories and newspapers. I wish they had bought you special journals so you could write down what you observed.
I wish someone had shown you how to file your nails, fix your hair with a curling iron, and walk in high heels. I wish you had always had clean towels, top sheets, and fruity smelling lotion. I wish you hadn’t felt the responsibility of keeping the house clean by doing hours of laundry and dishes, only to find your attempts futile.
I wish so much for you little Sherry, and I hope, as an adult, you find restoration for all the things that were taken from you.
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” 1 John 3:1
It was a Saturday morning when God ushered a healing moment into my life. It didn’t happen with me crying at the altar, pouring my heart out to the Lord, although moments have happened there. It didn’t happen with me coming to a revelation while engaged in professional counseling, although at times it has happened there. It didn’t happen with me finding a scripture and dissecting it till it imprinted meaning on my life, although it has happened there, too. Instead, it happened on an ordinary morning where I was unexpectedly graced with the Lord’s gift of restoration.
My husband, Terry, had had a busy week at work and at church. I can’t recall the exact details of what was going on. It could have been late nights due to overtime, or maybe he was working on putting some music together for choir, but whatever the reasons, my 4-year-old blond-haired, blue-eyed daughter, Maggie, had felt slightly neglected by her father. She had been playing quietly on the floor when her dad stepped into the room. She pleaded with her soft, sweet voice saying, “Daddy, can you please sit down by me?” He quickly plopped on the floor next to this child that we called our sunshine. She sat across from him and said, “Daddy, I’ve missed you. Can you please just hold my hands?” Terry gently took his large man hands and held the dainty hands of our daughter for a few moments, just gazing with love and wonderment in his eyes. He then quietly whispered the words “I love you,” and she beamed with joy, her mouth smiling widely, causing her eyes to crinkle.
Maggie and Terry on her wedding day!
At that exact moment, I felt God’s peace flood my soul. In Philippians 4:7 (ESV), scripture describes this as “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.” I felt God whispering to me that this is an example of the beautiful relationship He intended all daughters to have with their fathers. It is the relationship He, as my Heavenly Father, intended for me, His daughter, to have with Him. He continued to whisper that He was going to use my daughter’s relationship with her father to demonstrate to me what He intended. My daughter’s healthy relationship with her father would provide restoration for my troubled and ugly childhood. No, it would not erase my memories of what had happened. No, it would not make everything better. No, it would not answer all the why’s in my life. But He would take the brokenness in my life and continue the work of restoring me. He would show me how much He had loved me even when I was being abused and neglected by the man I called my father. He would show me the beauty of restoration.
By Sherry Collins 