“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” Proverbs 27:9

I discovered Anne Shirley of Green Gables in my late teens, first in the movies, and later in the books.  Prince Edward Island, puffed sleeves and raspberry cordial were part of my lexicon, along with the hidden desire to rename the Sheboygan Falls lagoon, “The Lake of Shining Waters”.  This quirky, adventurous, red-headed orphan, who romanticizes the trials in her life, desperately wants to fit in somewhere and longs for a bosom friend.  She finds this friend in a neighbor, Diana Barry, who Anne declares is her “kindred spirit.”

I think Anne’s plight resonates with so many of us because we all have a longing to feel connected with others, to have that “kindred spirit”.  This kindred spirit will not only know that we have a deep love for the color yellow, books and good coffee, but will also know that you don’t like fishing, are nervous around dogs, and have terrible handwriting.  More than that, this friend will know your heart, and despite the times you make mistakes or fall short, he or she will love, support and encourage you.

Recently, my husband shared some thoughts from a podcast about friendship that he had been listening to.  The speaker in the podcast shared that the typical lifespan of a friendship may only be three to five years.  She went on to say that a lifetime friendship that has spanned decades is a rarity and a special blessing.  This concept of transitory friendships has little to do with our shallowness as human beings, but rather with the seasons of our lives.  For example, while I was in college, I made some good friends.  These friends were the ones with whom I shared meals, inside jokes and college stresses for four years.  After college, we continued our friendships for a little while, but as our lives changed and went in different directions, the friendships faded.  Although I can keep up with their major life moments on social media, I would say these friendships have moved more into the category of acquaintances now.  Despite the shift, I am forever grateful for that season of friendship during college; they blessed my life, enriched me as a person, and left a mark that changed me.

In addition to my seasonal friendships, I have been blessed to have not just one, not two, but three friends who have reached lifetime status!  Two of the friendships have lasted for over 30 years and the third has spanned more than twenty-five years.  Despite not always living in the same place, we have shared major milestones together: college graduations, marriages, baby arrivals, home education, parenting journeys, children transitioning into adulthood, children getting married, and one of us becoming a grandmother.  Along with the milestones, we have shared some major losses: job transitions, moving, deaths of parents, health crises and marriage challenges.  No matter the milestones or losses, these friendships have remained a constant in my life that has provided me with balance, a listening ear, years of inside jokes, and decades of photos together, including some unfortunate fashion choices!

In today’s vernacular, some would call these three ladies “my squad”.  But I don’t want to reduce them to just a trendy hashtag because they are so much more than that.  They are not only my bosom friends and kindred spirits, but friends who have proven themselves to be some of my greatest treasures.  Upon reflection, I have learned some truths about friendship from these relationships.

1. First, lifetime friendships must be based on some fundamental principles not just a shared set of interests.  All these friendships have been based on our personal relationships with God.  It has kept our friendships centered by a set of common beliefs that shape and mold us.  It helps us to reach beyond our own personal capacity to give, but in a supernatural way, to pray and serve one another.  At different points in our lives, these ladies and I have prayed together at an altar.
2. Second, lifetime friendships need to be intentionally cultivated and maintained.  In the beginning, as in all relationships, we had some growing pains.  I know you may find it hard to believe (wink, wink), but I have not always been a good friend.  At times, I could be self-righteous and judgmental.  Yet, I have learned to ask for forgiveness, and I have worked to grow and change.  Offenses will come, even with the most wonderful friends.  Yet, I have learned to look at the hearts of my friends and be open to repairing the friendship.  Weeds will sprout up, but they do not have to choke the friendship. Once a friendship is established, I must maintain it by putting forth some effort.  Right now, only one of these friends lives within forty minutes of me, but for almost seven years, I was at least eight hundred miles away from each of them.  Despite the distance and the busyness of each other’s’ lives, we kept in regular contact.  We made a point of connecting, not just through texting, but through phone calls, letters, cards, and visits.  Social media was also a tool I used to keep updated on their lives.
3. Third, real friends help sanctify you.  All these women have helped me to become the women that I am today.  They have done this by not only sharing a common history, but also by not being afraid to speak truth into my life, each in her own unique voice.  Sometimes, God has used them to speak in gently, sometimes more directly, to point out a flaw in my thinking or character, and other times by just being an example of a Godly woman handling difficult situations in her own life.  From these women, I have learned to set healthy boundaries, to be more graceful, gentle, consistent, principled, and loving.

There are certain scents that instantly bring a feeling of pleasure to my life: the smell of coffee in the morning, chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven, and the smell of wood burning in a fireplace.  Solomon recognized the pleasure of scent when he wrote in Proverb 27:9, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”  Etsy creators and Hobby Lobby designers have summed up this proverb with these simple words, “Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy.”  I am forever grateful for the lasting fragrance these three women have imprinted in my mind.  As surely as the smell of chocolate chip cookies tingles my taste buds, the friendships of these women refresh my soul and awaken my heart with joy!

“Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep” Romans 12:15

A few weeks ago, I threw my son’s airplane quilt into the garbage.  It signified the end of an era: the quilt was battered and frayed, worn out after covering my son for eight years while he slept.  I vividly remember searching eBay for the perfect quilt for Ethan, saving my pennies for just the right purchase.  Then, this quilt appeared in my feed, stitched airplanes framed in denim blue, exactly what I envisioned.  I placed my bid and waited not so patiently for me to win my purchase.  When the quilt arrived, Ethan picked out his favorite plane, then I placed the quilt on his bed for the next eight years.  As Ethan grew, I packed away the quilt, secretly hoping to repurpose it someday for his son!

That someday has arrived!  My first grandchild was born on July 16 at 5:00AM.  “Joel Daniel Collins has arrived!!!” was the text my son sent me early that morning.  My bleary-eyed husband beamed at the first pictures just as much as he had when he held his own children for the first time.  Soon, more pictures followed with more details.  Calls and texts were sent, and congratulations were given.  A week later, my husband and I traveled to meet this little man who had preoccupied our minds for the last eight months.  As we held him in our arms, we knew that our lives had been forever changed, just as they had when we held his daddy for the first time!

In anticipation of Joel’s arrival, his doting Aunt Maggie helped repurpose the soon to be discarded quilt.  She cut out one of the treasured stitched airplanes and framed it with the words, “Fly high little guy!”  This beautiful gift will hang in his room, along with the airplane shelf my husband has been building.  He also has great aunts on his mother’s side who have lovingly crocheted blankets for him, along with a crib that his dad and Rachel’s father carefully put together.  His drawers are filled with gifts of clothes, towels, and books from the shower that Rachel’s mom planned despite all the COVID-19 restrictions.  Rachel had carefully planned every detail of the nursery while anxiously anticipating his arrival.

This has been a stressful year for all of us across the world, with an illness we had never heard of, the increasing restrictions, learning how to function while social distancing, wearing masks, toilet paper shortages and social unrest.  Many of us have known people who have been sick with the virus, and some have lost loved ones.  Some of us have faced job challenges or have experienced severe deficits in our bank accounts.  Some have experienced major losses: weddings canceled, vacations put on hold, virtual graduations celebrated, or favorite summer traditions postponed.

Yet, one thing that has not been postponed is new life.  Joel made his way into this crazy world despite a pandemic, social unrest, and restrictions.  His first cry announced to his parents that he was here and that he needed them to care for him, providing him with shelter, food, and love!  Our “new normal” will just be normal for him.  He came with no expectations of what his world should look like.  He just came!

The day of Joel’s arrival, I sent out a picture to some of my dearest friends and family who rejoiced with me as I became a Mimi for the first time.  After gushing over the pictures, one of these dear friends, later sent me a message asking me to pray for her husband, who had been rushed to the hospital with severe back pain.  We both had been up all night, but for different reasons.  I was texting with my son’s mother-in-law, eagerly waiting for updates on Rachel and the baby.  My friend had been up all-night praying for her husband, waiting for updates from the hospital while consoling her young son who was worried about his dad.  Yet, despite her tiredness and concern, she still found time to congratulate me.

This friend is a beautiful example of how we should be treating one another, not just in a pandemic, but in every situation.  In Romans 12:15, Paul cautions believers, “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.”  It is easy to get caught up in our own situations, whether they be moments to celebrate or moments to mourn.  We can become self-involved, focused on our own emotions, forgetting that someone around us might being experiencing the complete opposite.  I admit I have enjoyed some aspects of the pandemic.  My husband now works from home, eliminating his long commute, allowing me more time with him.  Yet, some of my friends have husbands who have been laid off, struggling to meet their monthly bills.  I must be careful that rejoicing over my blessings does not diminish my ability to weep with my friends in their struggles.

I think Paul’s advice reminds us that in any given moment, our friends are going through a wide variety of situations, and that we as loved ones, need to be mindful of others.  I have had a few friends go through infertility problems.  Despite trying to get pregnant for a few years, one of those friends made a conscious decision to support me in my pregnancy by being a major player in throwing my baby shower.  She chose to rejoice with me despite her own fertility struggles.  I have seen other friends who have also struggled with infertility choose not to attend someone else’s baby shower because it was too painful for them.  It would be easy to judge between those ladies and say that the one who took part in the shower was a “stronger Christian.”

But Paul does not say to us that we should only rejoice with those that deserve rejoicing, or only weep with those that deserve to be wept with.  He just says to respond with the same emotion that the person is displaying now.  Yes, it was selfless of my friend to throw me a shower, and yes it was selfless of my friend to congratulate with me on the arrival of Joel.  I am so thankful that both friends were able to rejoice with me in the moments.  But I can still weep for another friend who does not feel emotionally strong enough to celebrate a birth and weep for a friend’s whose husband is suffering severe back pain.

I do not know what the rest of 2020 holds for us.  I do not know if restrictions are going to increase or decrease.  But I do know, despite circumstances, that something wonderful can still be birthed in a moment of chaos.  “Joel Daniel Collins has arrived!!!” was a reminder to our family that, despite all the losses in 2020, there is new life!  And with this new life comes the promise of God’s faithfulness!

“Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;” Ephesians 5:1

We all have known that one annoying person who hijacks the conversation by inserting him or herself in the center.  They haven’t progressed beyond the toddler stage, thinking the world revolves around them.  For example, if someone is talking about their recent European vacation, “that person” jumps in by telling about the vacation they took to not-so-glamorous Gary, Indiana.  Or if one person shares with the group a devastating cancer diagnosis they just received, “that person” jumps in about their latest splinter.  I think you get the picture.  Often, “that person” is not as rude and self-involved as they come off because this need to be the center of the conversation probably stems from insecurity and lack of confidence.  But they are still challenging to be around.

Recently, as I have been reading some books and listening to various podcasts, I discovered a transformative idea that has changed how I view the Bible.  The metanarrative, a fancy word for the overarching theme of the whole Bible, or the big picture, has nothing to do with me.  Instead, it has everything to do with the story of God in relation to creation, the fall, redemption, and restoration.  This revelation of the metanarrative made me realize that I am “that person”!  I have spent most of my Christian life reading the Bible from the perspective of trying to understand how it relates to me.  What principles do I need to learn, and how should I apply it to my life?   In every psalm, prophecy, and parable, I have searched for God’s message to me, desperately trying to become the ideal Christian.  All the while, God has been trying to get my attention, desiring me to know Him!

My daughter, Maggie, was the one who decided the timing and circumstances when she was going to reach a milestone in her life, including walking, reading, and riding a bike.  As parents, we couldn’t bribe, cajole, push or motivate her in any way to accomplish our desired outcome.  Some may call this a stubborn streak; I call it determination and grit.  Despite this trait, once Maggie made up her mind to accomplish something, nothing stopped her from achieving her goal.  For example, she loved riding her first bike, as long as her training wheels were still attached.  What Maggie failed to realize was that the training wheels were so worn and badly bent that they no longer touched the ground.  Terry knew that they were no longer needed, so, as any good father would do, he removed them.  She was livid with her doting daddy and told him that she was no longer going to ride her bike and walked away sulking!  Despite Terry’s encouragements and faith in her ability, she refused to try again.  But the next day, he came home to see his little blonde, pig-tailed daughter flying down the sidewalk on her bike!

Maggie’s determination and grit runs in her bloodline, as I share those same qualities, although I would label myself as stubborn!  I have served God for more than thirty years, and I know that ministers might have presented this concept of the metanarrative to me in sermons.  I am sure that many of my Bible scholar friends have discussed this principle with me before.  But, like Maggie, I was content with trying to balance my life on a broken concept, making it all about me when reading scripture.  You see, I was using God’s Word to fix me.  Jen Wilkin, in her book, “Women of the Word”, points out the flaw in this way of thinking by this quote: “We ask it (the Bible) to tell us about ourselves, and all the while it is telling us about “I AM”.  We think that if it would just tell us who we are and what we should do, that our insecurities, fears and doubts would vanish.  But our insecurities, fears and doubts can never be banished by the knowledge of who we are.  They can only be vanished by the knowledge of “I AM”.  We must read and study the Bible with our ears trained on hearing God’s declaration of himself.”

I remember when I first fell in love with Terry, I wanted to know everything about him: his favorite dessert, the places he wanted to travel and what goals he wanted to accomplish in ministry.  In learning these details, I also began to discover that he was a quiet, contemplative man who liked order and clear direction.  Learning about Terry’s need for order and clear direction shed light on how disorderly and chaotic I was.  By getting to know Terry, his nature shed light on my nature and the areas where I needed to find more balance.

When I first fell in love with God, I learned a lot of Biblical facts.  I understood doctrinal truths and the scope and history of Biblical stories.  I learned about His character, but because of my past, I had some distorted ways of thinking about God.  For example, I knew God was good, but I did not honestly believe that He would be good to me.  Instead, I thought I would have to earn my way by being a “good Christian”.  For years, I lived trying to earn God’s affection by staying in His good graces.  This revelation of the metanarrative has exposed me to God’s true nature.  He says that he is our Father, and as any good father, I don’t have to do anything to earn His love.  He loves me unconditionally, no matter what state I am in, including my sinful attitudes and actions.

At the time this blog was written, I was still waiting for news of the birth of my first grandchild.  Since the day I knew of his impending arrival, this little boy has had to do nothing to earn my love and devotion.  Just the fact of his existence has sparked an overwhelming flow of love from my heart.  I can’t wait to hold him and get to know him.  I know that, within a few short years, he will be occasionally disobedient like any child.  I am sure that as he grows, I will see flaws in his character, areas where he needs guidance from the Lord.  But none of his flaws or moments of disobedience will change my love for him.  Nor will they affect my desire to bless his life with goodness.

The Bible gives me a glimpse into the character of God in the words of Jesus when he says in Luke 11:11-12, “If a son shall ask bread of any of you, that is his father, will he give him a stone?  or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish, give him a serpent?  Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?”  Jesus goes on to say that if we, who are sinful, want to give good gifts to our children, how much more shall God give us.  I am not talking about God showering us with possessions, like new iPads or Nespresso coffee machines.  I am talking about filling our lives with relationships, community, and creation itself to bless us.  God wants to bless us!  His desire to give sheds light on areas where I remain selfish and want to withhold.  It leads me to repentance and then, with a desire to be more like Him, I can sanctify my life.

Since the revelation of the metanarrative, I have read the Bible with a new perspective.  I look at every book, chapter and verse to see what it reveals about the nature of God.  Jen Wilkin makes this statement, “The heart cannot love what the mind does not know!”  I want to know God more, know what He likes and what He hates.  This knowledge will help me to love God more and grow in my faith.  I want to see His character in the anointed word that He has provided for us, to understand that His story is all about restoration.  With this knowledge, I can, as Paul says in Ephesians 5:1, “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children.”  The word “follower”, translated from the Greek “mimetes”, is defined as an imitator.  My calling is not to see myself in the Bible, but to learn to imitate God, and this perspective changes everything!

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Pennsylvania summers delight me!  Warm sunshine floods the sky, colorful flowers bloom in pots on my patio, birds, bunnies, and squirrels scurry around my yard, and my personal favorite, an abundance of produce fills the farmer’s markets.  It starts at the end of May when peas, rhubarb, asparagus, and strawberries hit their peak.  Soon, blueberries, apricots, cherries, and zucchini appear in bins.  Then, raspberries, peaches, and nectarines, along with peppers, corn, melons, and tomatoes dominate the baskets at some of my favorite local stands.  Finally, squashes and apples make their debut towards the end of the summer.  This abundance of produce reminds me of how good God is, creating this colorful assortment of foods to thrill our taste buds with flavors, along with the bonus of nourishing our bodies with essential vitamins and minerals.

This year, I picked strawberries in a local patch. After devouring a few of the perfect berries, the ones that are deep red right through to their centers, I had a moment of pure bliss! I couldn’t believe how sweet the flavor was in the handpicked strawberries. I immediately contrasted them to the ones I had been buying in stores for weeks. Those strawberries, often white in their core, lacked flavor, just teasing the taste buds with a hint of strawberry essence. I immediately understood my son’s resolution on strawberries.  For years, Ethan has refused to eat any strawberries unless they were handpicked from a local farm, referring to the ones in the stores as imposters! I understood his resolve on some level, but strawberries are one of my favorite fruits. And although I had a moment of absolute bliss, strawberry season and my memory are short. Within a couple of weeks, I went back to buying the imposter strawberries, content with the lackluster flavor.

Terry and I will soon be celebrating twenty-four years of marriage, and I would say that, overall, we have had a good marriage. Like most marriages, we had our honeymoon stage where we marked every first moment with romantic sighs, thinking that life could not get any better. Within in a few years, we had two toddlers, and we had partnered together to raise our kids in a loving home. We had some incredible moments creating memories and marking milestones in our lives. We loved and encouraged each other, having the occasional date or weekend getaway. If marriage was a strawberry, we had a good strawberry!

But then life happened: job changes, moving to a different state, children becoming adults, illnesses, and the death of my beloved mother-in-law.  With all these changes, we spent less time investing in our marriage and more time going through the motions. Soon, we were satisfied with the tasteless strawberry, no longer craving the best. We relied on years of producing good fruit to sustain our marriage. But we all know that good fruit does not last long untended. You leave a fresh-picked strawberry in the fridge for more than a few days, it will soon develop mold. This mold will spread to all the fruit around it.  Because we were no longer investing in our marriage, our tempers were short, our words were sharp, and our selfishness grew. Quickly, even this tasteless strawberry started to rot.

Fortunately we both know a God who is faithful and merciful. He used some “tough”, maybe even “rotten”, situations to help us redirect our diverging paths back towards one another. We started investing more in each other, learning to listen in love, not out of self-interest. We shared life together again, developing new mutual interests and rekindling connection. We found new and healthier ways to deal with conflict. We reaffirmed God as the center of our marriage and made each other our priority.

The hard work cultivated a “perfect” strawberry again.  I have learned some valuable lessons from that time that I don’t want to ever forget!

1. If you want the perfect strawberry marriage, you must work for it.  I spent two hours in the hot sun looking for the perfect strawberries. I didn’t pick the strawberries out of drudgery, instead, I enjoyed my time in the patch, knowing that I would benefit from the results. If I want a great marriage, I need to be working at it. This work shouldn’t be done out of obligation, but out of love with a servant’s heart.
2. Strawberry season might be short but preserving the strawberries will help the season last!  I picked about ten quarts of strawberries and there was no way we could eat all of them in the few short days they were perfect.  So, I found different ways to preserve the strawberries: making freezer jam, strawberry honey butter and tray freezing some to use for pies and smoothies in the dead of winter. It is amazing to open a bag of strawberries in the middle of a blizzard and smell the sweetness of summer permeate my kitchen!  Marriage is not always the high moments where you feel like you are living out the best romantic movie scenes.  Sometimes, life is hard, and these tough times can take a toll on your marriage. Yet, if I take the time to invest in creating good communication skills and positive conflict resolution techniques, when the tough times hit, these skills will help preserve a good marriage.
3. A perfect strawberry is only sweeter when covered with chocolate.  This year, we saved some of the best strawberries and dipped them in chocolate. These were a decadent treat!  When rotten situations hit our marriage, God’s mercy and grace covered our lives as we worked towards restoration. Even though we spent time doing some hard work, it was not enough to fix some of the wounds we both felt. This was the perfect place for God to step in and fix those broken places with His unconditional love and gentleness.  As we moved towards the “perfect strawberry”, His “chocolate” grace covered places that might otherwise have resulted in bitterness. I am forever humbled that the God who created all, cares enough about Terry and me to show us a better path.

I do not want to leave you with the impression that our marriage is perfect; we still have our moments of sharp words and tempers.  However, even though we are still human, we are in such a better place than we were three years ago.  After sharing our story with Ethan, he responded with something like this, “I have never seen you and Dad happier.  Genuinely happy, not only with each other, but with God”. His description brought me to tears. You see, the rotten fruit that was developing could very well have destroyed our marriage.  It took courage to stop the rot and invest in producing good fruit again. During that time, I stood on this scripture found in Hebrews 4:16, “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”  This anniversary, while I am choosing to celebrate us, more importantly, I am celebrating God’s grace!

If you are interested in making the strawberry honey butter, please follow the link to the recipe: https://www.growforagecookferment.com/strawberry-honey-butter/

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” Philippians 1:6

Last Sunday marked another year; another year I did not buy a Father’s Day card for my father.  In fact, I don’t recall ever buying a card for either my biological father, or my stepfather.  It is possible that in grade school I may have made a card, but I have no clear memory of doing so.  Now, I have purchased cards for my husband, celebrating the wonderful, nurturing father he has been to our children.  I have also bought cards for my grandfather, my father-in-law and my uncle, who acted as positive male role models in my life.  Yet, I will never make a warm sappy post highlighting that I am still a “Daddy’s girl” on Instagram.  I will never share a picture of my father walking me down the aisle on my wedding day, instead it was my uncle who fulfilled that role.  The harsh reality is that I don’t have a father to celebrate or honor!

For you to understand my situation, I will share a brief history of my family.  My biological father signed away his parental rights when I was a baby.  I did meet him once and subsequently decided the relationship was not worth an investment.  I was raised by my stepfather, an alcoholic who sexually abused me.  He was later arrested and convicted of sexual assault.  Its easy to understand why I don’t buy a Father’s Day card for either of them.

I could close my blog right now, and I am sure comments of sympathy and empathy would ensue.  I might even get questions about the details, or about forgiveness.  But not spending $5.99 for a Hallmark sentiment on Father’s Day is just a prologue to the main story.  It doesn’t tell the story of a woman in her late forties who cherished and treasured every picture her friends shared on Father’s Day with their own amazing dads.  It doesn’t tell about the woman who loves to plan a full day celebrating her husband on Father’s Day.  It doesn’t show the restoration that has taken place.

Restoration is defined as the action of returning something to a former condition.  I love old furniture, but to antique purists, like my father-in-law, I don’t love to restore furniture.   Instead, I love to paint it a fun, new color and replace the old hardware.  It fits my décor style and takes less time.  And a good coat of paint can cover up a lot of damage.  But true restoration takes time and effort.  Often, you have strip away the old finish, sand the piece down, and carefully stain it to its former glory.   My husband and I toured The Breakers, an old Vanderbilt mansion in Newport, Rhode Island.  The curators of this mansion did an amazing job trying to find as many original pieces of the time period to furnish the house.  The restoration of these pieces was carefully done and is priceless, demonstrating the amazing craftsmanship of the designer!

Imagine with me that when I was born, I was a beautiful table, designed and carefully carved by God himself.  My wood grain was stained carefully to let the beauty of the piece shine through.  Yet, within a few short years of my life, this table was damaged beyond recognition by misuse and abuse.  In some areas, the beautiful wood grain was marred with scratches that cut deeply into the surface.  It no longer functioned as a table and most people would not have even bothered trying to sell it at their yard sale.  Its battered surface and legs looked worthless and unsalvageable.

Thirty-one years ago, my life, or my table, was on its way to the dump, all but crushed by the weight of worries and burdens I was never meant to carry.  I had just shared with the police and social workers the details of my years of sexual abuse.  My stepfather was arrested, immediately, and I was experiencing post-traumatic shock.  Yet, within a few months, I experienced the love of Jesus, an unconditional love that forever changed my life.  Being filled with the Holy Ghost, I felt peace amidst the chaos, pain and brokenness.

This infilling of God’s spirit was the beginning of the restoration process.  This involved therapy with counselors, but a lot of the process involved God using His word, His spirit, and His body of believers to restore me.  Some of the process involved stripping me of the wounds of abuse, carefully sanding my distorted thoughts and views to bring out the beautiful grain.  It included refinishing me with a new stain, restoring in me the trust and beauty found in a marriage, family and friends.  It entailed ripping out damaged places such as coping mechanisms that led to food addiction and replacing them with new, sturdier hardware, including the satisfaction and fulfillment found only in God.  This restoration didn’t happen overnight, and I can’t say that all the restoration is complete, yet.  I can’t say that there aren’t some scars underneath the table that still need to be uncovered and healed.  However, I can say that God has done an incredible work in my life, restoring me to what He had intended from the beginning.  I am not the same table that I was when I was born.  God, through his restoration process, has created a new masterpiece that reflects His amazing craftsmanship!

This is just a glimpse into a major project I am working on: writing a book about the restoration of a life.  In this blog I have used the metaphor of restoring a piece of furniture for simplicity’s sake.  In my book, I am relating my life to the restoration of a home, a deeper and more involved project than a simple table.  My goal in the book is to walk you through my restoration process, unfolding how God has ministered to me in different areas of my life.  This journey of restoration is my story, but I believe, whether it is childhood trauma, as in my case, or a failed marriage, an unexpected death or any situation that causes us to be broken, we all have areas where we need God’s intervention to help bring us back to a place of restoration.  In Jeremiah 30:17, the Lord prophesies, “For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds.”  According to the Matthew Henry commentary, most of Jeremiah’s prophecies fall in the area of reproof and threats.  Yet, this chapter is one of two chapters that stand out as a source comfort and of hope.  Despite the effects of sin, whether self-induced, or inflicted by others, God had a plan to restore His people to health and heal their wounds.  This promise was not only for Israel, but for us, today, as well!

Father’s Day will arrive every year for the rest of my life, and there will always remain some “nevers” in my life, including never buying my father a Father’s Day card.  But this is not a source of pain or contention for me, but rather a reminder of God’s grace and love.  Like the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 1:6, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in “Sherry” will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”  God has begun a good work in me, and I can’t wait to finish my book so that you can read about it!

“And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31

When my daughter was three years old, I found the perfect Christmas dress at a local store.  Crimson velvet trimmed in white fur, I envisioned Maggie in the dress twirling around while singing “Jingle Bells”.  As I ransacked the racks, I found every size but the one I needed.  I clung to the dress as I looked around to see if the right size had been inadvertently misplaced.  After looking down a few aisles, I despaired and put the wrong-size “perfect dress” on the nearest rack and walked away.

While I was checking out, the store owner approached me and demanded that I follow him and a clerk to the office.  Within a few minutes, I was being interrogated in front of my daughter: they wanted to know where I had put the dress.  Startled and confused, I tried to make sense of their questions, answering in a disjointed manner.  They informed me that they had me on the surveillance camera holding the dress and now the dress was missing.  My mind raced as I started to panic.  What if they couldn’t find the dress?  Would I be arrested for shoplifting?  I immediately worried about my daughter, who was blissfully unaware of what was going on and humming a tune to herself.  I told them I thought I remembered where I put the dress, so they followed me as I led them down the aisle.  After grabbing the dress from the rack, they walked away without apology, leaving me feeling violated!

This incident left me feeling angry and frustrated!  The owner of the store, even after a phone call, refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing, with no words of apology or any explanation as to why he was so aggressive.  I felt unheard and misunderstood!  Although this was a traumatic incident in my life, nothing like that has ever happened to me again.  It is a terrible feeling to be treated unjustly because you are absent-minded and simply put a dress in the wrong spot.  Yet, I can’t even imagine how terrible it feels to be repeatedly treated unjustly based on the color of my skin.

These past few weeks have again exposed terrible injustices faced by African-Americans.  We can sit back and debate about what happened, and whether or not these are isolated incidents.  We can examine whether or not the protests and ensuing violence have fueled the situation, or have they come as a natural result of decades of frustration.  We can discuss the responses of both political parties; are they defending, aiding, or helping create real solutions?  Yet, none of this debating is moving us toward any resolution!  It doesn’t examine the heart of the issue!  More importantly, these debates deflect responsibility onto a larger group, and don’t move us, as Christians, to self-examine and grow as individuals!

For the past few weeks, I took a break from writing.  I felt strongly that I should write a blog addressing racism; not because I have great insight, but because I have something to learn.  I have spent this time researching by listening to different Christian podcasts dealing with the concept of systemic racism and how Christians should be responding.  My very soul has been challenged, and I have come to some conclusions, which are by no means conclusive.  In order for us, as a society, to begin effectively dealing with racism, we, as individuals, need to listen, learn, and grow.

First, let’s set the record straight.  I am a white, Caucasian woman who grew up in a predominantly white community with little ethnic diversity.  I attended a small, predominately white, private college.  So, although I have worked in places where diversity was encouraged and celebrated, and I have a few friends that represent different ethnicities and cultures, the reality is that I have limited experience in this area.   I cannot pretend to understand the experience of the average African-American or, for that matter, of anyone else of non-white ethnicity.  I cannot fathom what it is like to live in a place where I am misjudged or mistreated because of my skin color.  I have never had to explain to my children that the reason they were treated badly by an adult or by other children is because their skin isn’t white.  I have no history of my ancestors being slaves and then being unjustly segregated after being told they were full, free members of society.  I have never experienced the harshness of systemic racism, but I have benefited from being a part of the majority!

These facts from my background have shaped my view of the world and placed limits on my perspective.  I can postulate all the opinions in the world about a typical African-American experience, but I haven’t walked in their shoes.  As a result, I need to be open to hear stories of the daily prejudices they face, whether it be overt racism, or racial insensitivity.  I need to listen with an open heart and mind.  I need to let others grieve over the injustices and work through their pain.  Not only do I need to listen, but I need to be willing to ask myself the hard questions.  Have I ever been racially insensitive?  Have I been as inclusive with others as I should be?  How can I be a more sensitive friend and a more effective Christian?

The next step I can take to stop racism is to learn.  Learning is an active process.  I need to read materials by authors who are different from me.  This will help me to understand, not only the challenges they face, but also the cultural histories that have shaped their lives.  I need to actively seek the other perspective, even if it is not from a Christian world point of view.  Trevin Wax, in his book “This is Our Time”, says, “…add to your news intake people who have vastly different worldviews.  Read articles and listen to podcasts from people with whom you differ, not just so you can critique and counter them, but to hear where they are coming from.”  He goes on to say that this will help you learn empathy.  Empathy will enable you reach across the divide and “engage in good conversations”, showing them true Christianity!

Finally, I need to grow.  For too many years, I have openly declared that I am not a racist and then shut down conversations about racism without really listening and learning.  I exposed my children to some different cultures, but should have been more intentional in my approach.  I denied the existence of white privilege without being willing to discover what that really meant, how I contributed to it, or even how I benefitted from it.  The deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery need to impact me and force me to change as an individual!  I need to search myself, examine my heart in light of scripture and repent!  I need to do my part in creating an environment in my local church and in my community where everyone feels welcomed.  I cannot remain silent when I see injustice!

               This quote, in relation to the events of the last few weeks, has impacted me: “No single drop of water thinks it is responsible for the flood.”  Initially, I saw the quote from a negative perspective: how have I contribute to racism?  Yet, after listening to other Christians having tough discussions, I felt hope rising in me.  I started thinking about the gospel and how it can change lives.  After all, in Mark 12:31, Jesus declares that the second greatest commandment is this, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”  If I can be one drop, a drop that demonstrates God’s love to all, regardless of ethnicity, I can be a part of a flood that impacts and changes our world!

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore” Psalm 16:11

I recently took three children, aged 5-8, on a hike in a nature preserve.  Some may think I was a little crazy, but I found it to be absolutely delightful!  We stopped and counted the rings on an old tree stump to figure out how many birthdays the tree had celebrated.  We observed holes in the ground, imagining what animals might live there: maybe a groundhog or a small dinosaur.  We found a rock quarry and climbed up on the rocks, shouting with glee as if we had conquered a giant.  We lunched on a rock slab, devouring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while popping juicy grapes in our mouth.  On the way home we found an old railroad boxcar.  I shared with the kids a dream I have of restoring a boxcar into a playhouse, a place for escapades with my grandchildren.  It was an exhausting morning filled with magic and adventure!

All too often, we adults lose this sense of magic.  I am not talking about hocus-pocus magic.  I am speaking about wonder, curiosity and joy!  We get caught up in the busyness of life, and forget to pause.  We let stressors take precedence, or a list of tasks rule our lives.  We start our morning with a mindset of what needs to get done, and at the end of the day fall into bed exhausted, feeling guilty about tasks left uncompleted.  We often say things like, “if only I could catch up and then I could relax.”  Even our ways of relaxing leave our minds numb: things like binge-watching TV shows, scrolling through our Facebook feed, or browsing Pinterest.  We forget to belly laugh, to enjoy doing nothing and to find pleasure in simple things.

Wonder, as defined in the dictionary, is a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar or inexplicable.  By its very definition we can’t find wonder if we are always busy.  One of the reasons I love to hike with my husband is that we often pause to listen to the birds or the rushing water of a creek, watch a turtle creep across the trail, and admire the moss carpeting our path.  We have a destination in mind, but we are not afraid to stop and enjoy the beauty around us.  Yes, we have an endless list of tasks that could be completed on a Saturday morning, but hiking restores and refreshes us.  Often, we return from hikes energized and more productive than if we had not gone.  Ultimately, it makes time for us to enjoy God’s gift of beauty in the form of nature.

One of my favorite children’s books is the series about “Curious George”.  I love the crazy antics that George, a little monkey, embarks on solely from being a tad bit too curious.  Curiosity is defined as a strong desire to know or learn something.  When my children were little, I saw a sign on a local children’s museum stating that the average toddler asks about 300 questions a day.  I always chuckled because my son typically used up that quota before lunch!  Upon reflection, my children’s curiosity awakened my narrow-minded adult thinking.  I researched carnivorous plants, laughed at the battles between the frigate bird and the blue-footed booby, and learned to speak like a pirate.  I continue to be inquisitive, diving into books about the Appalachian Trail and the hunt for the extinct Imperial Woodpecker, exploring museums and listening to people’s stories.  I had the privilege of sitting next to a blind woman on an airplane.  She was embarking on a skiing trip!  It was amazing to hear about her adventures skiing while blind.  Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, and small minds talk about people.”  When you cultivate your curiosity, it’s easy to focus on ideas because you are filling your mind with answers, concepts and, ultimately, more questions.

Joy is something that comes easy in my life.  Those that are around me for any length of time have heard me say, “This makes me happy!”  I use this statement for a myriad of situations, objects and people, such as eating a Caprese Salad with colorful heirloom tomatoes, reading on my patio surrounded by flowers and herbs, playing Monopoly with my family, week-long visits with friends, or finding the perfect coffee mug that sparks a smile in my morning.  I love to surround my home with things that are delightful and whimsical.  Instead of an expensive vase, I have a yellow gnome gracing my floating shelf.  I try to capture joyful moments in my life by setting reasonable expectations and remaining grateful.

I want to end this blog by sharing a list of things in the last few weeks that have sparked wonder, joy and curiosity in my life.  They is not in order of importance, but rather the top things that have provided levity in my life and delighted me.

• Making a fruity yogurt popsicle in my new molds
• Watching a group of neighborhood children climb our maple tree
• Discovering a blue gingham pattern inside a “Bath and Body Works” package
• Watching a pair of mallard ducks nap under my blackberry bush
• Adding books from new authors to the Goodreads App on my phone
• Listening to new friends share their love story
• Folding my son’s newborn frog outfit as I prepare to pass it on to my grandson
• Completing a bike ride that had defeated me last year
• Listening to a five-year-old yell, “That’s epic!” while riding his bike
• Watching the peonies unfold their blossoms in my yard
• Focusing on a few scriptures during devotions that demonstrated the compassion of Jesus
• Rereading the classic “Winnie-the-Pooh” with my husband who has never read the book

None of these things are life-changing moments, but they are life-defining moments.  They won’t alter the course of my life, but they can alter my attitude.  They are small moments, or memories, that I can point back to when life is rough, to remind myself of the goodness of God.  I love what it says in James 1:17; “Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights.”  Just like I can’t wait to shower my new grandson with gifts that provide joy in his life, God is constantly showering me with gifts in my life!  I just need to step out of my busyness and look for them.  So tonight, instead of browsing Pinterest, I am planning to giggle while reading about Pooh and Piglet!