“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasions, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

It is a beautiful fall morning, and as I drink my coffee, the sun rays illuminate the fiery red maple tree in my yard. As I think about my Thanksgiving menu, I decide this is the perfect time to start listening to Christmas music. Yes, I boldly declare, I am listening to Christmas music! The cello strings from The Piano Guys pluck the beautiful melody of O Come, O Come Emmanuel on my Alexa. After this playlist I will lift my spirit with Amy Grant’s cheerful Christmas selections. Later in the day, I may even decide to hit the groovy Little Jack Frost by Seth MacFarlane. I love Christmas music, old and new. I love the carols along with the frolicking fun Christmas tunes. I even enjoy the occasional Christmas blunders, just to make me laugh.

As you read this, I know some of you are just waiting to interrupt my ode to Christmas music with your opinions. The argument will likely start with a long diatribe about how Thanksgiving is a separate holiday and deserves its own recognition. You may continue with complaints of how commercialized Christmas has become. And then you may talk about how sick of Christmas music you will get if you listen to Jingle Bells for two whole months. Those on my side of the argument will call you a Grinch and say that Thanksgiving is a prelude to Christmas. Name calling will ensue with memes flying back and forth on social media.

It seems like such a simple issue, but like most issues in our society, whether or not you indulge in Christmas music before Thanksgiving has become a polarizing issue. So polarizing, in fact, that the good-natured teasing has become “my house is a Christmas-music-free zone until the day after Thanksgiving!” The memes become less funny and more judgmental on both sides. How we handle the simple discussion of when Christmas music starts, or even when you decorate your Christmas tree is indicative of greater problems in our society. We no longer know how to disagree peacefully. This is evident in our homes, relationships, how we do business, and most definitely in our politics.

I understand that not everyone shares my love of Christmas music, and that is totally okay. I can see why they might want to limit Christmas music to just for a month. And it seems easy to lay aside our differences on this issue and still have a relationship. But it feels harder when our views might differ on abortion, gender identity, racism, vaccinations, parenting, and God, not to mention who we intend to vote for in the upcoming election. How do we maintain a relationship with someone who may have such opposing views from our own?

For me, it all comes back to Jesus and how he chose to interact with people. If you read the gospels, when he was confronted with issues, he did not debate those who were asking the questions. Instead, he asked questions back, forcing them to articulate what they already knew and maybe even bring light to their prejudices. Other times, he told a story or a parable, that illuminated a greater truth. Additionally, He didn’t ascribe to the divisions the religious elite created in his society. He spent time with Jewish sects that were considered unclean. He was not ashamed to be with the Samaritan woman, who had to get water in the heat of the day to avoid ridicule from others. He had dinner with a tax collector who had cheated others out of money. But in both cases, his time spent with these individuals changed their lives. The woman told others that Jesus knew her story and she believed He was the Messiah. The tax collector, Zacchaeus, without coercion, gave his wealth to the poor and more than paid back those whom he had robbed.

In this polarized world, I am no longer interested in debates and divisions. I do not want to associate with groups or platforms who incite these divisions. I want to model Jesus’ method of asking questions, building relationships, and allowing the Gospel to change lives when accepted. This creates more room at my table for others while staying rooted in my beliefs. This doesn’t mean I am wishy-washy; I don’t think anyone would accuse Jesus of not standing on truth. Instead, it means I need to be firm in my beliefs but flexible enough to allow God to change my mind. And sometimes this happens in relationships with others.

But how do we handle someone who is determined to engage in a disagreement that will alienate others in the room? In a recent podcast, Julie Bogart, author of Raising Critical Thinkers, shared an idea that I found transformative. Instead of engaging with a combative someone on their own terms, ask them this simple question: how does your view make the world a better place? This invites you to understand their views and dreams. It gets to the heart of the matter and maybe you will see how their past informs their opinions. It also makes the matter less about division and more about what is good and true for everyone. And in some cases, it may even end the conversation because it’s an idea the person has never considered before.

I have been on both sides, where I have shut someone down with what I deemed the strength of my argument, or I have been shut down. It doesn’t feel good on either side. If I am the one leading the charge, I feel self-righteous and condescending. If I am the one being shut down, I feel small and diminished. None of these traits bring truth and beauty. And neither position leads me or others to Christ.

The first item on my Grown-Up Christmas list for 2023 is that I will invite others to my table during the holidays with a heart of hospitality. If they hate Christmas music, I will make my playlist more mellow, filled with quiet carols. If they have different views on current issues and the topic comes up, I will exercise curiosity and maybe ask Julie Bogart’s question. In a world where so many don’t feel seen or heard, like Shauna Niequist says in Bread and Wine, my table “is a safe zone, a place of warmth and nourishment”. And I want it to be a place where others feel Christ.

By the way, Terry and I just discovered a Thanksgiving song by Matthew West, Gobble Gobble. I am not sure it will satisfy all those who are longing for Thanksgiving music that creates an atmosphere of gratitude. But it sure is fun!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

As young adults, my sisters and I hosted our first Christmas party with our church family. We sent the invites, cleaned the house, and baked cookies late into the afternoon. Pleased with our attempts at domesticity, we looked for some of my mom’s platters buried deep in her cupboard. As we pulled out the 1970s ruby glass platter, I noticed just a slight trace of dust, likely due to lack of use. Exhausted (and maybe a little lazy), I ignored the dust, and quickly placed the cookies on the dusty platter. The party was a success, despite dusty platters.

At Christmas, my husband is one of the jolliest souls I know. He loves old Christmas movies, especially “White Christmas”, collects vintage Christmas books, and listens to Bing Crosby. But when the song “Christmas Shoes” comes across the airwaves, my husband gets a little Grinchy. The song records the plight of a young child trying to buy a pair of shoes for his sick mother. It pulls on the heartstrings by expressing that the shoes will help her look beautiful if she meets Jesus, tonight. Please do not think my husband is heartless. He has teared up over the course of fifty viewings of George Bailey’s basket of donations during “It’s A Wonderful Life.” Unlike the Grinch, his heart is the right size. He just doesn’t appreciate contrived emotionalism.

The Christmas season invites differing opinions about music, movies, traditions, and foods. There are those who love Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” while others hate it. Most Americans seem to despise fruitcake, but across the pond, the love of fruitcake is alive and well. The Elf on the Shelf tradition elicits various responses, from those who chronicle the Elf’s antics on Instagram to those who wouldn’t chase the dog running away with the Elf in his mouth. We throw the words love and hate around casually, like the strands of tinsel that float around your house for months after Christmas.

This week in Advent, I am focusing on love. Even in researching Advent, I found some traditions disagree where to place love: either in the third or last week. Wherever you place it, John 3:16 clearly explains that Jesus came because “God so loved the world”. This love is not fickle like our love for fruitcake. It doesn’t compare to our love for our spouses, because sometimes that love is a choice, not a Hallmark moment. Pet owners declare undying love for their pets and may go to great lengths to care for them, but this love doesn’t measure up to God’s love. The closest human relationship we have with this kind of love is how a parent loves their child. But the Bible records that even though we provide amazing gifts for our children, especially under a Christmas tree, these gifts don’t compare to the gifts from God.

As a child, my son, Ethan, loved Christmas as much as his father. He was the first to turn on the lights on the tree, couldn’t wait to indulge in Peanut Butter balls, and had his favorite songs on repeat during the holidays. Even his sense of gratitude matched his love for Christmas. After opening each gift, he would bellow, “Thank you, mom and dad” followed up with a big hug.

As I unwrap the gift of Jesus, I want to express my gratitude as well. Jesus chose humility by being born in a stable full of animals, even though He was the King of everything. He endured a life of hardship and poverty when He had access to all the riches of the earth. And finally, He suffered unbelievable pain to bring me hope, peace, and joy, all for the sake of His love for me.

And who am I to be worthy of such a gift? Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, as quoted by Ann Voskamp in “The Greatest Gift”, helped me answer this question. She said, “I am more sinful and flawed than I ever dared to believe, but more loved and welcomed than I ever dared hope.” This quote has resonated with me as I examine where I fall short. I am a sinner, and no matter how I try to paint things, I have lied, judged, been harsh, and refused to do the things I know to do. And if I say I have no sin, I “deceive myself and the truth is not in me.” Like cookies on dusty platters, I may look good to others and even to myself, but Jesus looks underneath and knows who I really am.

Yet, despite this understanding of my sinful heart, Jesus loves me unconditionally. He doesn’t love me based on what I do, how I perform, or even how others perceive me. He loves me and welcomes me into His family as His adopted daughter. It is a relationship full of privilege and blessings. I have the hope of eternal life because His love covers a multitude of sins. I can move towards wholeness where sin had left me broken. And it’s His love that transforms my brokenness into the beautiful story I live today.

Yet, while I bask in His love, I can’t keep it all in my own heart. This love needs to be shared not just with my family and friends, but with the marginalized in my community. When I read the Christmas story, I marvel at the birth of the Messiah. Angels revealed His birth to shepherds. Simeon and Anna recognized Him as the Messiah in the temple. Wealthy wise men searched for the newborn king and presented Him with presents. Meanwhile, the so-called royalty of Jerusalem, baffled by the wise men’s inquiries, attempted to use them to destroy this new king. Poor farmhands, senior citizens, and foreigners got a glimpse of the baby who would change the world. From the time of His birth, Jesus cared about all people with an overwhelmingly abundant love. With such a great gift given to me, how can I help but share it with others?