“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore” Psalm 16:11

I recently took three children, aged 5-8, on a hike in a nature preserve.  Some may think I was a little crazy, but I found it to be absolutely delightful!  We stopped and counted the rings on an old tree stump to figure out how many birthdays the tree had celebrated.  We observed holes in the ground, imagining what animals might live there: maybe a groundhog or a small dinosaur.  We found a rock quarry and climbed up on the rocks, shouting with glee as if we had conquered a giant.  We lunched on a rock slab, devouring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while popping juicy grapes in our mouth.  On the way home we found an old railroad boxcar.  I shared with the kids a dream I have of restoring a boxcar into a playhouse, a place for escapades with my grandchildren.  It was an exhausting morning filled with magic and adventure!

All too often, we adults lose this sense of magic.  I am not talking about hocus-pocus magic.  I am speaking about wonder, curiosity and joy!  We get caught up in the busyness of life, and forget to pause.  We let stressors take precedence, or a list of tasks rule our lives.  We start our morning with a mindset of what needs to get done, and at the end of the day fall into bed exhausted, feeling guilty about tasks left uncompleted.  We often say things like, “if only I could catch up and then I could relax.”  Even our ways of relaxing leave our minds numb: things like binge-watching TV shows, scrolling through our Facebook feed, or browsing Pinterest.  We forget to belly laugh, to enjoy doing nothing and to find pleasure in simple things.

Wonder, as defined in the dictionary, is a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar or inexplicable.  By its very definition we can’t find wonder if we are always busy.  One of the reasons I love to hike with my husband is that we often pause to listen to the birds or the rushing water of a creek, watch a turtle creep across the trail, and admire the moss carpeting our path.  We have a destination in mind, but we are not afraid to stop and enjoy the beauty around us.  Yes, we have an endless list of tasks that could be completed on a Saturday morning, but hiking restores and refreshes us.  Often, we return from hikes energized and more productive than if we had not gone.  Ultimately, it makes time for us to enjoy God’s gift of beauty in the form of nature.

One of my favorite children’s books is the series about “Curious George”.  I love the crazy antics that George, a little monkey, embarks on solely from being a tad bit too curious.  Curiosity is defined as a strong desire to know or learn something.  When my children were little, I saw a sign on a local children’s museum stating that the average toddler asks about 300 questions a day.  I always chuckled because my son typically used up that quota before lunch!  Upon reflection, my children’s curiosity awakened my narrow-minded adult thinking.  I researched carnivorous plants, laughed at the battles between the frigate bird and the blue-footed booby, and learned to speak like a pirate.  I continue to be inquisitive, diving into books about the Appalachian Trail and the hunt for the extinct Imperial Woodpecker, exploring museums and listening to people’s stories.  I had the privilege of sitting next to a blind woman on an airplane.  She was embarking on a skiing trip!  It was amazing to hear about her adventures skiing while blind.  Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, and small minds talk about people.”  When you cultivate your curiosity, it’s easy to focus on ideas because you are filling your mind with answers, concepts and, ultimately, more questions.

Joy is something that comes easy in my life.  Those that are around me for any length of time have heard me say, “This makes me happy!”  I use this statement for a myriad of situations, objects and people, such as eating a Caprese Salad with colorful heirloom tomatoes, reading on my patio surrounded by flowers and herbs, playing Monopoly with my family, week-long visits with friends, or finding the perfect coffee mug that sparks a smile in my morning.  I love to surround my home with things that are delightful and whimsical.  Instead of an expensive vase, I have a yellow gnome gracing my floating shelf.  I try to capture joyful moments in my life by setting reasonable expectations and remaining grateful.

I want to end this blog by sharing a list of things in the last few weeks that have sparked wonder, joy and curiosity in my life.  They is not in order of importance, but rather the top things that have provided levity in my life and delighted me.

• Making a fruity yogurt popsicle in my new molds
• Watching a group of neighborhood children climb our maple tree
• Discovering a blue gingham pattern inside a “Bath and Body Works” package
• Watching a pair of mallard ducks nap under my blackberry bush
• Adding books from new authors to the Goodreads App on my phone
• Listening to new friends share their love story
• Folding my son’s newborn frog outfit as I prepare to pass it on to my grandson
• Completing a bike ride that had defeated me last year
• Listening to a five-year-old yell, “That’s epic!” while riding his bike
• Watching the peonies unfold their blossoms in my yard
• Focusing on a few scriptures during devotions that demonstrated the compassion of Jesus
• Rereading the classic “Winnie-the-Pooh” with my husband who has never read the book

None of these things are life-changing moments, but they are life-defining moments.  They won’t alter the course of my life, but they can alter my attitude.  They are small moments, or memories, that I can point back to when life is rough, to remind myself of the goodness of God.  I love what it says in James 1:17; “Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights.”  Just like I can’t wait to shower my new grandson with gifts that provide joy in his life, God is constantly showering me with gifts in my life!  I just need to step out of my busyness and look for them.  So tonight, instead of browsing Pinterest, I am planning to giggle while reading about Pooh and Piglet!

“We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” Psalms 78:4

I just celebrated my 48^th birthday.  I promise I am not hinting for more gifts or birthday wishes.  But I do believe birthdays should be celebrated, and we did celebrate mine on Sunday.  My daughter made me breakfast and I opened up a few surprises.  I received a few phone calls and a lot of birthday wishes on Facebook.  Yet, as this birthday passed, I realized I am getting closer to what everyone refers to as the “big 5-0”!  It makes me feel a little contemplative about my life and what it means in the big picture.  What do I still want to accomplish; what legacy do I want to leave; what do I want said about me at my funeral?  The most important question of all is how do I fit into God’s story?  I want to share with you some of my thoughts.

For starters, what does my life mean in the big picture?  I define the big picture as the world at large.  Like most people, I have not discovered a cure for a terminal disease; I have not written some important piece of legislation; I have not competed in a major athletic competition.  The reality is that when I die, I am not likely to have a Wikipedia entry.  This is not me degrading my self-worth, but rather taking a realistic look at my life.  Although I am not a major player in the big picture, I am major player in some people lives.  Starting with my family and friends, I need to demonstrate my love for them in both actions and words.  I need to be present with them and not allow lesser things to take precedence over them.  I need to put my phone away and actively listen to those I love.  I need to pray for them daily.  On a larger scale, I need to smile at neighbors I meet while walking.   I need to encourage young mothers when I see them wrestling with their toddlers.  I need to be aware of those around me who are hurting.  In essence, I need to always reflect Jesus.  My life influences those that I interact with daily; that influence can be positive or negative.  This influence is not predicated on money or power, but on being a loving wife, mother, grandmother, friend and neighbor.

This leads me to what I still want to accomplish. I know that bucket lists are the trendy thing to do, and I am not knocking that idea.  I have a journal called “Listography” that I have used, where I can list things like what places I want to see, museums I want to tour, and trails I want to hike.  For me, the things I still want to accomplish are more than a trip to Italy (although that would be nice), or hiking the Appalachian Trail.  I want to continue on my journey toward being healthy, reaching my final goal and then maintaining my weight loss by continuing the healthy habits I have formed.  I want to run a 5K and, eventually, a half marathon.  I want to continue hiking with my husband, finding restoration in God’s creation.  I want to finish my book on restoration from childhood abuse and see it published.  I want to continue to blog because it has meant something to some people.  I want to continue to read great books, keeping my mind active and always learning.  I want to finish writing out each of the Psalms in a journal, with a brief prayer on what it says to me and adding a small illustration.  It’s not enough for me to want to do these things; anyone can have goals.  I need to make time, set achievable steps, and work towards completing these tasks!

The things I accomplish are part of my legacy, but when I think of a legacy, I immediately think of my grandfather, Jerome Walter.  He was an ordinary man, completing only the eighth grade.  He worked hard as a farmer and as a factory laborer, spent less, and invested more.  When he passed away, he left a substantial inheritance for his children.  More importantly, he left a legacy that can’t be accounted for in a ledger.  These intangible gifts, like work ethic and simple living, were more valuable to his family than any amount of money they received.

To my children and grandchildren, I want to leave a legacy of faithfulness, contentment and gratefulness.  I need to remain steadfast in my relationship with God no matter what comes my way.  My faithfulness can’t be based on the hills and valleys of life; instead it should be based on the faithfulness of God’s character.  I want my children to see that I have learned to be content, like the Apostle Paul, in whatever state I am in.  I want them to know that I find delight in the simple things in life without always striving to attain more.  Contentment can’t be based on the size of my home, my bank account, or my possessions, but rather on God being my provider.  Finally, I want them to see that I am grateful.  For the past year, I have been writing three things that I am grateful in a simple journal each day.  This practice realigns my focus on gratitude instead of the problems and challenges I face.  When I practice gratefulness, I don’t make space for complaints or anxiety.  It centers me, reminding me that all good gifts come from God.

When I think about my legacy, I often think about what my friends and family will say about me at my funeral.  I have had the privilege to help write four eulogies, including that of my beloved mother-in-law.  In writing a eulogy, you want to be honest about the character of the person, so that loved ones have a sense of closure, celebrating that person’s life and accomplishments.  The eulogy should memorialize the person, but not exaggerate their character.  Instead, it should include stories related to their quirks along with their impact on others.  This provides a balanced but honest picture of a person’s life.  When thinking about my eulogy, I am just as flawed as any other person.  I struggle with pride, lose my temper, am quick to judge, and have to repent, often.  I don’t expect my love ones to magnify my life beyond reality.  I do hope that my loved ones  are able to share that I am quick to repent, honest about my shortcomings, always striving to improve, and focused on loving others well.  I do have quirks and hope that when my eulogy is given, these quirks provide some levity in a time of grief.  In order for those things to be said with a clear conscience, I need to make sure that I am living that life now.

The most important question I have been asking is how I fit into God’s story.  I don’t know how many years I have left; prayerfully I will continue to live a long, full life.  I think there is a desire in all of us to lead a life of significance; moving us to excel in our careers or pour into our families.  This desire causes us to ponder accomplishments, eulogies and legacies.  We want to die believing our lives mattered and that we had a positive impact on others.  I am not saying that these desires are wrong.  But the more I read the Bible, the more I realize that this life I live is less about me and more about God and His character.  I have realized that God’s story, the whole Bible, is one of restoration.  He takes everything that is broken and lovingly restores it, from temples to cities to kingdoms to lives!  His greatest desire is to bring us into relationship with Him, healing our wounded places and making us whole, so that we can spend eternity with Him.  My life is full of brokenness that God has been lovingly restoring, another testimony to God’s goodness.  Anything I accomplish, anything good in me, is because of Him and is just my small part of His big story of restoration.

The “big 5-0” will be here in less than 712 days.  Personally, I am rooting for it to come with lots of glitter, good coffee and laughter, as I celebrate it with the ones I love.  But when the glitter is cleaned up and the celebration has ended, I want to continue to live a life that glorifies God.  As it says in Psalm 78:4, “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation, the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done” in my life!

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

About fifteen years ago, I had the brilliant idea to dissect owl pellets with my children.  It was a homeschooling project that I hoped they would enjoy and would spark a deeper interest in science.  For those who are unfamiliar with the eating habits of owls, these majestic birds swallow small animals whole, digest the flesh of the animal, and later regurgitate the fur and bones as a ball or pellet.  I ordered these pellets from a science supply company, so they did undergo some sort of fumigation process to make them safe to handle before they made it into my home.

I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive about how my children would receive the project.  We had already attempted to carve pumpkins, but both Ethan and Maggie were disgusted when holding gooey stringy pumpkin guts, leaving Terry and I to do the work.  However, to my delight, they were both fascinated with the project, meticulously dissecting the owl pellets at my dinner table.  Like detectives, they carefully separated bone from fur with a tweezers, hoping to identify the animal that the owl had devoured. Hours later, however, I started to panic when I realized it was time for Terry to come home from work.  I admonished the kids to hurry because this was one project we couldn’t just slide down to the other end of the table while we had dinner.  Terry would not have enjoyed the view of a bird skeleton and a pile of rodent fur with his spaghetti.

Our dinner table has always been the heart of our home, so much more than just a piece of furniture where we ate our meals and dissected owl pellets.  It has been the place where my children were educated; from learning to read to figuring out advanced algebra problems.  It is where we explored our creativity; from designing our own Christmas cards to decorating hollowed out goose eggs for Easter.  Intense games of Monopoly and long games of Canasta have been played out at the table.  It’s the place where we did family devotions together, taking turns reading and discussing portions of scripture.  Seated at the table we have had heart to heart conversations about life, and at other times, exploded in laughter about some inside family joke.

This table, the heart of our home, has been where we have welcomed family and friends.  Whether it has been over meals, including our famous fajitas, or over multiple cups of coffee, the table has been the place where we have discussed Godly principles, recalled old memories, mourned together over losses, and rejoiced over victories.  It’s the place where birthdays have been celebrated, holidays have been enjoyed. and new friendships formed.

Our table has been the hub of many of our ministry projects.  At the table, Vacation Bible School scripts have been written along with craft projects prepped.  The table, covered with red and pink icing, was the decorating station for our Valentine cookie fundraiser for a few years.  In addition, the table has been the place where Bible quizzers have practiced for tournaments, Sunday school lessons have been planned, and church worship music has been prepared.  We have taught Bible studies, shared our testimonies and prayed with others while seated at the table.

The table has not looked the same over the course of our marriage.  In the beginning, we liked the retro 50’s style and purchased a used chrome table.  We quickly outgrew this table and our sense of style improved leading us to buy a used antique style oval table.  That table survived most of my children’s lives despite paint residue, permanent marker stains and the inevitable chips and scratches from daily use.  Unfortunately, somehow in the course of our move to Pennsylvania, we lost the leaf.  With hosting company on a regular basis, we bought another used table with a leaf, which allowed us to seat more than six people comfortably.  This unique table came with drawers that all the little people who came to my house found fascinating.  In their imagination it held all kinds of treasures, like Uno cards and bags of rubber bands.  The table wasn’t beautiful, but it served its purpose, giving me an excuse to purchase fun, colorful tablecloths to mark the beginning of each new season.

We recently purchased our first, and likely our last, new dining room table.  It is my dream table and it came with the right price at the right time.  It’s a farm style table and can fit my ever-growing family.  But for me, as were the old used ones, it’s so much more than a table.  It’s the place where our family can create new memories.  This is the table where my daughter and I will plan her future wedding.  This is the table where I will finish writing my book on restoration from my childhood.  This is the table where I will create memories with my future grandchildren; making homemade pop tarts, playing games, and maybe even dissecting owl pellets.  (I have a feeling my husband will not be on board with this idea.)  This is the table where my husband and I will continue to share our morning cup of coffee while discussing God and our daily scriptural readings.  It is the table where we will continue to welcome family and friends, celebrate holidays and “do ministry.”

Jesus says in Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven… For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  As much as I love my new table, it is not the physical object that I am going to treasure.  From the chrome table, to the oval antique table, to the table with drawers, and now to my new farm table, what I treasure are the memories we have created, and will continue to create, as a family at the table.  I often imagine that if my tables could talk, they would tell a story of a family who loved God and each other, who were not perfect, but quick to ask for forgiveness, who laughed a lot and created an atmosphere where they could grow and develop.  The table would mention that this small family of four welcomed lots of other people to the table on a regular basis.  The tables would declare that life-long memories were created.

Yes, I have a new table, and I have had fun styling the table with my table scarf and flowers. But, my new table won’t stay new for long.  It will end up with dings, marks and maybe even paint residue.  It might even go out of style.  And some day, it might even end up in the trash pile. Yet, what will always remain is the opportunity to create new memories at the table.   Personally, I will always treasure the memory of dissecting owl pellets at my table!

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” I Corinthians 13:12

We recently bought a full-length mirror to put in the corner of our bedroom.  It is not a high-end mirror, but has metallic details that will complement the décor in my bedroom with a price tag that fit my budget.  It will also serve a purpose, making sure I have a clear reflection of myself before I leave the bedroom.  I will let you in on a little secret, I am not the most observant or organized person, often putting away my laundry inside out.  To make matters worse, I frequently leave my house with my shirt inside out.  To be fair, this usually happens when I am heading to the gym at 4:00AM, keeping the lights dim in order not to awaken my husband.  But on occasion, it happens in the middle of the day indicating that I’m a bit scattered.  Yet, this is not the only observation that I am making while gazing in the mirror: it goes much deeper.  I want to be able to clearly look at myself and be grateful for where I am right now on my weight loss journey!

In the last few weeks, as I get closer to reaching a major milestone in my weight loss journey for the first time in my adult life, I have been really struggling.  It seems as I get closer and closer to my goal, I battle more and more with my self-image.  I have spent a lot of time praying and analyzing my emotions and thoughts.  I have poured my heart out to God and my husband.  I can’t say that I have all the answers, or that I have won the battle, but I have learned some things that I hope will help.

First, I honestly believe that, as women, we are created with the innate desire to be beautiful and create beauty around us.  I am not talking about being the perfect Barbie doll or Hollywood’s ideal of beauty.  Staci Eldredge says it best in her book “Captivating”.  “We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are.  We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”  This desire manifests itself in how we dress, how we decorate our homes, and the food we serve.  This sense of beauty expresses itself in the words we write, the music we create, and the parties we throw.  It permeates everything we do!

I am confident that this desire for beauty, in ourselves and in our surroundings, is given to us by God because He is the ultimate creator of beauty.  Pay attention to the beautiful sunrises He designs, the vivid, jewel-toned plumage of the peacock he fashioned, and the shimmering reflection of moonlight on the water he envisioned.  He designed beauty all around us, not only for us to enjoy, but to help us discover the depths of His love for us.  We are created in His image, so it stands to reason that He would design us to love beauty and have a desire to create it our lives.

Recently, I was showing some paintings to a little girl I babysit.  We first looked at some modern paintings, where the faces were distorted, colors were sharp and lines were angular.  She noted that the pictures were odd and said, “I don’t like this, it looks scary.”  We then looked at some impressionist paintings where the color was enhanced by natural light; the lines were fluid and objects clearer.  She articulated that these pictures were beautiful.  I know that modern art has its place, but I have never heard someone say that the artwork was beautiful; instead words like “transforming” or “thought-provoking” often accompanied people’s opinions of modern art.

In many ways, our fallen world has distorted our concept of beauty, like modern art.  It distorts how God defines beauty and causes us to be dissatisfied with ourselves, especially as women.  We feel we need to measure up to a certain concept to be considered beautiful and are rarely satisfied with where we are at.  I recently was talking about weight loss with a beautiful, articulate woman who has greatly influenced my life.  She said some words that struck me.  “I have struggled with weight my whole life.  It has affected me and my confidence for years.  For years, I have defined myself by whether or not I had my weight under control.  A lot of wasted time!”

“A lot of wasted time!”  How many of us can be honest with ourselves about the time and energy we have focused on making sure we measure up: whether it relates to weight, skin care, preventing aging, hair maintenance and so much more?  It doesn’t seem to matter what size we are or how much time we spend taking care of our skin, it’s never enough.  We rarely look into a mirror and see ourselves as beautiful.  Instead, our flaws jump out at us resulting in negative critiques of ourselves.  We rarely take compliments well and often offer a caveat to the compliment by saying words like “but” and “if only” and “except”.  And this wasted time distorts our perception and robs us of our self-confidence, marring the beautiful picture we really are and replacing it with ugliness.

As I lose weight, there are some consequences to years of obesity that can’t be fixed by the weight loss alone.  I can only do so much toning, and in some places I will hit a wall.  As I get closer to my goal, these walls seem insurmountable and appear as prominent defects in my inner reflection.  If I could put this thought into a word picture, it is like looking into the mirror and hearing a voice that sounds like a foghorn blaring, “You have some major defects that prevent you from being truly beautiful.  You will never attain true beauty.  You will never look thin!”  This foghorn voice makes me feel defeated, condemned and guilt-ridden for years of living in obesity.

Defeated, condemned and guilt-ridden are places where many of us live concerning about our outward appearance.  This place often leaves us desperately looking for approval from others, fuels addictions, and covers our pillows with tear stains as we silently grieve what we think we lack.  This place cripples our attempts to achieve what God desires for our lives by consuming our energy with wasted effort.

I decided to look up some scriptures about how God defines beauty.  Song of Solomon, a book that mirrors the relationship between a husband and wife in addition to being allegorical of the relationship between God and us, declares, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”  If you look at the original Hebrew, the word “flaw” is translated as “defect”.  God sees us as beautiful and doesn’t see any defects in us!!  In Ecclesiastes 3:11, the writer declares, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”  Everything includes me and you!!  Peter addresses women in particular in the passage found in 1 Peter 3:3-4 by admonishing us that our beauty should not come from outward adornment,…instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  Our “inner self” is what is in our heart: it’s our belief about who we are in God.  Often, how we feel about ourselves is reflected in our posture, our facial expressions and our countenance.  If we are confident in God’s definition of our unfading beauty, then we will see our value through His eyes.

If God sees us as beautiful, but our fallen world has bombarded us with messages with negativity, how do we replace the messages of negativity with the messages of God?  It’s easy to know on an intellectual level that our weight or are our aging skin shouldn’t define us.  Yet, most of us truly don’t believe it in our hearts.  We have no problems telling our daughters, sisters, and friends that they are beautiful when they express negative self-image statements, but we reinforce our own negativity by over-analyzing ourselves when looking in the mirror.  How many of our husbands have told us we looked beautiful and we respond with statements like “Really, are you sure this looks good on me?”

I don’t have a magical solution that is going to fix years of negative self-reflection, but I am going to work on doing three tangible things in my life, believing that, with God’s help, I can start to chip away at the negativity.

1. I am going to learn to take a compliment well.  I am not going to offer reasons, excuses, caveats, or any other additional information.  I am going to respond with the simple words “Thank you!”

2. I am going to memorize scriptures that help me recognize beauty as God defines it.  I have written down the three scriptures I referred to earlier and put them on my new mirror as a daily reminder.  I want to replace the thought patterns of the world with God’s word.  In Philippians 4:8, Paul encourages us to think on things that are lovely and are of a good report.  Negative thoughts keep me in a place of condemnation, whereas God’s word can lift me up and reinforce my confidence in the Lord.

3. Finally, I am going to offer some grace to myself in areas that can’t be fixed by weight loss alone.  The consequences of a life-long battle with obesity are real.  Despite this fact, I can celebrate what I have accomplished.  I can be grateful for the things I have learned about myself on this journey.

I am excited about my new mirror.  Hopefully, I will no longer walk outside of my room with my clothes inside out.  Prayerfully, I will look in the mirror and see the reflection that God sees and let the distorted, negative self-image fade.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed,” Psalms 46:1-2

When I was a child, I was under the impression that my grandparents were wealthy.  I came to this conclusion based on two factors: coffee cake and toilet paper.  I often spent Saturday mornings with my grandmother, going to the hair salon, eating lunch at a diner and shopping at the local Piggly Wiggly.  While grocery shopping, my grandmother would take a gander at the bakery and buy a glazed cinnamon coffee cake.  My eight-year-old mind couldn’t believe that she was buying such a delectable treat in such a casual manner.  I really thought this purchase should be celebrated with songs and explosions of glitter!  Didn’t she realize that she was buying “ambrosia” fit for mythological Greek heroes?  She then went to the paper section of the store and purchased multiple rolls of blue, pink and mint green toilet paper.  Again, I was stunned!  I, being a mere mortal, was forced to use only white toilet paper at my house!  I was also stupefied, knowing that she already had rolls and rolls of toilet paper stashed in her master bathroom!  Yet, she nonchalantly added these to her already ample rainbow stash.  The Walter Family legend is that, when my grandmother passed away in 2008, we found rolls of colored toilet paper in her house, even though they had not been manufactured in color for years!

In light of the COVID-19 pandemic, I have been thinking about my grandmother’s toilet paper stash.  She definitely would have been ahead of the panic, able to share rolls with her family and friends in need.  It is hard to imagine that, just a few weeks ago, I was at Target taking advantage of their sale by stocking up on items I typically purchase, including toilet paper, unaware of what was about to transpire.  I have to admit, this pandemic took me by surprise. I knew that there was some concern about a “virus in China”, but didn’t think it would affect my daily living.  Even some of my friends, who are healthcare professionals, didn’t seem overly concerned, which added to my detachment.

Everything changed in a manner of days.  Schools, including my daughter’s college, started closing along with major event cancellations.  Last Saturday, as I tried to do my usual grocery shopping, I was shocked to find no meat in the cases, bread shelves wiped out, and limited pasta choices.  Yet, I still managed to find most items on my list.  My concern heightened when I started seeing online that grocery stores across the country were empty.  Monday, I sent my daughter to our local butcher shop only to find their case void of all meat, except steak.  The Pennsylvania governor later recommended that all non-essential business close, including my gym.  Additionally, as everyone knows, the president has recommended that we limit social gatherings to no more than ten people for the next two weeks.  This “virus in China” was suddenly far more significant than it had been the week before.  I felt an urge to pray for our nation, our leaders, our healthcare professionals and those infected with the virus.

I know that a lot of people are experiencing fear, panic and anxiety in the midst of this situation.  There are so many unknowns and most of our lives have been affected in one way or another.  As a Christian, I am choosing to abide in some scriptures that encourage me and keep me balanced in this crisis.  Some scriptures that I find reassuring are 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind”, along with the entire 46^th chapter of Psalms.  I am also choosing to respect the recommendations of our leaders and not criticize their decisions.  We have to remember, that none of them have ever led during a pandemic crisis, including our president, governor, mayor and pastor.  We should support them and pray that they make wise decisions that best serve their constituents.

I know that some of the measures are a major inconvenience to most of us.  In many ways it is forcing us to simplify our lives and prioritize our needs.  Yet, as a Christian, I need to ask myself, what is my responsibility during this pandemic?  How can I still be a beacon of light in my community?  How can I encourage others who are stressed and panicking?  Here are some of the conclusions I have drawn, I hope you find these encouraging.

1.  I need to check on my neighbors and loved ones to see how they are doing.  I have made an effort each day to knock on a few doors in my neighborhood, letting them know I am praying for them and asking if they have their needed supplies.  I don’t have a lot, but I can share at least a roll of toilet paper.

2.  I need to support my local church in prayer and finances while encouraging my church family.  Even if we are “socially distancing” ourselves, we can encourage one another through phone calls, texts, letters and social media.  I need to find creative ways to be connected.  As a Sunday school teacher, I am putting together some lesson papers for my students to do at home, sending them out via mail.

3.  I can be a responsible consumer and not add to the panic.  I don’t need to stockpile six months’ worth of food.  Instead, I have chosen to buy just a little extra and be creative in my meal planning.  I am reminded of the bank panic scene in the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life”, when a woman told George Bailey she only needed $17.50 to tide her over.  She took what she needed to get by and no more.  I am choosing to do that.  Ultimately, God is my provider.

4.  I need to support local businesses whenever possible.  Many of these small businesses can’t survive an extended period of time without customers.  My family loves a local restaurant in Chambersburg called Falafel Shack.  We intend to patronize them along with our favorite coffee shop, Denim, during this pandemic.  I can help my community by supporting others in their moment of crisis.

5.  I can encourage others who are being forced to home-educate during this period of time.  This is an area where I have some expertise, having home-educated my own children for fourteen years.  When I see parents frustrated and discouraged, I can send them a message of encouragement.  If needed, I am willing to give any counsel or advice on how to organize their days.  Please, feel free to private message me if you have any questions.

6.  I need to embrace this time of simplicity.  It’s a time when I can focus on writing my book, read great books, catch up on some podcasts, play games with my family, and find different ways to stay healthy.  God has given me this space for a reason, and I need to be industrious and creative with it.

If I sound a little cavalier during this pandemic, it is not my intention.  Although my family has not faced any significant difficulties as of yet, we are facing losses.  We have worked hard producing an Easter Drama in our church that has been postponed.  We were also supposed to visit my son and my sweet daughter-in-law next week.  My heart is sad because it looks like travel might not be the best decision, right now.

The reality is that we are all facing some losses.  Yet, in the course of history, we are still a blessed people.  Recently, I started reading “Pioneers” by David McCullough.  It seemed fortuitous that I started this book last week.  Reading about the hardships of our pioneers in comparison to what I am experiencing during this pandemic is illuminating.  One particular family left their home to settle in the Ohio territory.  Along the way, they buried two of their children, suffered additional health crises, and faced danger from the elements.  Along with other Ohio settlers, they practiced “social distancing” on a regular basis, not having the option to interact through technology with the family and friends they left behind.  Yet, despite these challenges, they made choices to pursue their goals by adapting to new situations.  These were not extraordinary people whose names made it into our history books.  They were ordinary people living their lives, dealing with adversity and making the best of hard times.  I have no intention of making a name for myself as a great survivor of the COVID-19 crisis.  Instead, I need to be an ordinary person living my life.

“Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world.” Virgil A. Kraft

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2

This week, the smell of spring flooded my senses as I took a walk in my neighborhood.  It was the smell of the rich brown earth awakening while new growth tried desperately to peek through.  Not only could I smell spring, but I could see small buds appearing on bushes, chirping birds flying in trees and daffodils peeping through the dirt.  While the sun was shining down, I instantly felt a bounce in my step, soaking in the signs of spring, breathing in the fragrant air.

Spring always delights me.  I love to see the world awaken from winter, the drab gray of earth’s landscape replaced with succulent green verdure.  I love to see tulips, daffodils and hyacinths blanket yards, nodding their heads to the sun.  I am enchanted with the music of the birds as they sing to each other, building nests and starting families.

As the earth is awakening from its slumber, I feel a need to declutter my home.  I take a long, hard look at all my stuff and attempt evaluate whether it is something I need or something I love.  Some of this stuff might be books that I read years ago, but no longer capture my interest.  Other items might be kitchen gadgets that have remained untouched for the last year, crowding my cupboards and drawers.  Still other items might be beloved objects that are broken.  They sit in a corner of a closet, with me secretly wishing they were still whole and beautiful.  Whatever the reasons, I make decisions resulting in parting with the items that are no longer beautiful or useful.  The items then find a new home, leaving my house forever.  At the end of the process I feel a weight has been lifted and a burden gone.

It seems so easy to declutter my home, but much more difficult to declutter my mind of habits and ways of thinking that take up space, hindering me in my walk with God.  These thoughts and habits race through my mind, crowding out thoughts that can bring me new life.  They can halt creativity or be a doorway for bitterness to develop.  Some of these thoughts can be deeply rooted patterns of thinking that don’t reflect God’s word and principles, keeping me from reaching my potential.

This decluttering of the mind might seem a little philosophical to you, but let me make it a little more practical with you by sharing with you some of the examples that I have been wrestling with in my own mind.  One of the thoughts that has plagued me since first grade is that I am not an artistic person.  My art teacher, an old-school thinker, had definite ideas of what colors things should be.  I have always been drawn to vivid colors, hoping to brighten my world by adding splashes of color to objects like tree bark and houses.  She persistently critiqued my choice of colors and chided me on my techniques.  I felt defeated in art, never feeling like my art work measured up.  I have carried this with me into adulthood, forcing me to rely on others to help me carry out my creative vision for projects such as decorating my Sunday school room.

This past Christmas, I shared with my husband my desire to attempt drawing again.  He believed in me and bought me artist quality colored pencils and a sketch book.  Weekly, I have tried to spend time working on my skills, creating little pieces of art.  I am by no means saying that I have uncovered a talent that matches Michelangelo.  I would not even put myself in the same category of some of my dear friends.  Yet, I have found sketching to be relaxing and fulfilling.  I even managed to sketch some silhouettes for my Sunday school class.  Granted, my cows looked a little more like sheep, but overall, the items were better than just recognizable.

Another area cluttering my mind is more personal and relates to my self-image.  I have lost a considerable amount of weight, equal to a whole person.  Yet, for decades, I was the biggest person in the room, taking up the most space, trying to match the space with a big personality.  Although I have lost a lot of weight, I still perceive myself as the morbidly obese woman of a year and half ago.  I still find myself gravitating toward the plus-size clothing sections in stores, dismayed when the items are too big on me and even more reluctant to try on large or even extra-large.  I look in the mirror and don’t see the new me because I’m still burdened by this imaginary weight that no longer exists.  This imaginary weight represents negative messages I received from stepfather, who remarked how the ground shook when I walked into the room, or who compared me to Miss Piggy and followed it with pig sounds.  These messages clung to the fat that enclosed my body.  As I shed the fat, I need to shed those thoughts with scriptures from the Bible that remind me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I need to memorize verses that remind me that even at my heaviest, God saw me as worthwhile, a person of value.

Every spring, my mother-in-law would assign Terry the dreaded chore of cleaning the thatch in the yard.  Terry would spend hours raking the dead grass into piles and bagging it up.  The clearing of the thatch seemed pointless to a ten-year-old boy, but his mom knew that removing the thatch would allow fresh green grass to carpet the yard.  In Romans 12:2, Paul tells us, “be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”  The Greek word “anakainosis”, translated as “renewing”, can also be translated as “renovation” or “a complete change for the better”.  I need to rake up the thatch in my mind, to make room for thoughts that validate God’s presence in my life.

Recently, Terry bought me a beautiful journal, decorated with florals and the word “Thrive” on the cover.  I have decided to use this journal for both goal-setting and reflections on cleaning up the clutter in my mind.  When I find myself burdened with thoughts that don’t reflect God’s word, I am going to write down what the proper perspective should be, and fill the page with  corresponding scriptures and prayers to help me renew my mind.  Just like getting rid of items in my house that are no longer useful or beautiful, I need to get rid of thoughts that are not helping grow in God.  In essence, I need to focus on Godly thoughts that help me “Thrive”!

“And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, ” Mark 6:34

This past week, a friend of mine lost her sixteen-year-old niece in a car accident.  I didn’t know the niece or her parents, but I do know a few people who loved and cherished her.  I was struck by how the body of Christ immediately rallied around this family, providing support in the midst of a terrible tragedy.  Immediately, a meal train was set up through the end of April.  A “Go Fund Me” page was started, raising almost $15,000 in a matter of days, not necessarily for funeral expenses, but for whatever the family needed to help them through this tragedy.  In addition, this family was covered in prayer from all over.

I recognize that neither meals nor money will ever lessen the immense grief this family is experiencing.  No casserole dinner would ever soothe my intense heartache if my daughter was the one who had died.  That family would likely give all the money in the world to have their daughter back with them.  Yet, the meals and the money will give this family the time and freedom to work through their grief without having to worry about the mundane things of life.  Instead, they can focus on supporting one another, grieving, and moving toward healing.

This is a beautiful picture of the body of Christ in action: a group of believers coming together to offer whatever is needed to support one another.  They aren’t hesitating, or counting the cost, or evaluating if this is too much, but instead sacrificing time and resources to minister to a hurting family.  It isn’t just feeling compassion, but putting compassion into action!

In the Gospels, the Bible records five times where Jesus was moved by compassion to minister to others.  He didn’t just say, “I feel terrible for that man with the lame foot.”  He didn’t mutter to himself, “It’s awful how that person struggles with blindness.”  Instead, even when exhausted, he acted upon his compassion by healing and ministering to those in need.  Later, in John 21:25, it records that “there are also many other things Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written.”  I like to visualize scriptures.  Having been to the Library of Congress, I always envision that every book filling the shelves in that grand building records just a small amount of the miracles Jesus did in his short ministry.  Can you imagine the amount of books it would take to record all the miracles he has done since then?  It’s staggering!

To be completely honest, I don’t always act upon my feelings of compassion.  Too often, I say, “That’s terrible, I’ll pray for you.”  Then I offer a short cursory prayer and move on.  Or I think about doing something more tangible, but after evaluating the time and the cost, I provide only the bare minimum of support.  Even worse, I sometimes feel prompted to do something simple, yet neglect to follow through with the activity.

This past summer, I failed, once again, to act upon my feelings of compassion.  I was chatting with my uncle about an Algebra II teacher we both had had.  This teacher, Mr. Roeber, was famous for his mantra, “There are only three certain things in life: death, taxes, and Algebra II assignments.”  He was an excellent teacher who treated students fairly, did his best to explain hard concepts effectively, and challenged you to do your best.  Personally, for one month, he took the time to tutor me for half an hour before school in order to help me be successful in his class.  As much as imaginary numbers eluded me, he helped me understand how to use them and apply them in mathematical formulas.  This tutoring helped me not only pass the class, but to pass it with a “B”.  After the conversation with my uncle, I felt prompted to send Mr. Roeber a thank-you card.  I took a picture of his address in the phone book with the goal in mind to send a card when I returned home.

Then I forgot…. until my sister sent me a message that Mr. Roeber had passed away this past December.  I felt terrible and knew that there was no way to resolve the situation, but send an online condolence.  Somehow, this didn’t seem to rectify the situation.  The reality is that the card wouldn’t have cost me much, just a few dollars and time.  Yet, I let the cares of my life take precedence over a momentary moment of compassion.  I could justify it by saying that he might not have remembered me knowing he had a lot of Algebra II students over the course of his teaching career.  On the flipside, maybe that card would have given him just a few moments of satisfaction knowing he had made a difference in the life of one of his students.

I will never know because I didn’t act upon my compassion.  This may seem insignificant to many, but to me it was a warning.  I felt the Lord had admonished me by saying, “What if I had forgotten to show you compassion in your times of need?”  I knew that I needed to repent.  Repentance seems like such an ugly, old fashioned word, but the reality is when we violate God’s principles, we need to tell God we are sorry for this violation and resolve, with His help, to do better.

Some of my resolutions have included making sure I respond immediately in those moments of compassion.  Sometimes, it is a simple act of sending a text encouraging someone.  Other times, it is taking a few moments to write and send a card.  Still other times, it is making time in my schedule to proactively think about ways I can minister to someone in need.

I also determined to make sure that I have the tools needed to carry out my acts of compassion.  I have a stack of blank cards that can be used to write a short note of encouragement to someone.  I also make sure I have stamps available.  I keep staples in my pantry, so that if needed, I can quickly put a meal together for someone in need.  I also am keeping a prayer journal, containing names of people and situations, so that I can spend some quality time lifting up those needs in prayer.

I’ve been blessed by others with many acts of compassion, but, more importantly, I have been comforted by God in times of need.  He has given me peace and hope, and healed me of various heartaches.  He has used others to minister to me with cards, meals, visits and, in some cases, anonymous financial blessings.  In 2 Corinthians 2:3-4, Paul says, “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort.  Who comforteth us in all tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” If God takes the time to orchestrate acts of compassion in my life, the least I can do is follow through with ministering to others when I am moved by compassion. And prayerfully, I will no longer have phone calls that leave me with regrets.