“Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” Hebrews 12:14

It’s October, one of my favorite months. The bright sun magnifies the red, orange, and yellow leaves, painting the warm hues across the landscape. The days may be warm, but the temperatures drop in the evenings, making cozy sweatshirts, bonfires, and hot apple cider perfect ways to end the day. It seems the perfect time to read an Edgar Allen Poe story with a plush throw puddled in your lap. Pumpkins of all sizes, shapes, and colors accent doors and porches, while pumpkin spice infiltrates coffee, pies, and pancakes. October quotes abound including a new favorite of mine by writer John Nichols, “October is a hallelujah! Reverberating in my body year-round.”

But while some celebrate, there are also the naysayers who hate October or some elements of what the month signifies. Though many embrace pumpkin spice and everything nice, there is a large contingent of people who hate that flavor and share memes expressing their disgust. There are others who see Fall as a sign of the world dying and get either depressed or angry as the days get shorter. And probably the most contentious symbol of fall is the sugary confection, candy corn.

I love candy corn! I am not going to try to sell you on its flavor as it has little beyond the sweetness of candied sugar with a touch of vanilla and a hint of marshmallow. But this kernel-shaped candy lures me in every year. It is nostalgic for me, a candy that appeared in teacher’s bowls or parties during the month of October. And I am particularly partial to the corn shape, always rejecting the exact same candy in the shape of pumpkins. Despite its abundance on store shelves, many people despise it. But I am not alone; 35 million pounds of candy corn are sold every year, making me not as much of an outlier as one might think.

After some internet research, I found some interesting facts about candy corn. Along with Hershey, Peeps, and Reese’s, candy corn was first created in Pennsylvania where I live. In the 1880’s, farmers made up half of the American workforce. Candy companies decided to form candy in the shape of turnips, pumpkins, and corn to appeal to farmer’s children. Corn was not a vegetable many Americans ate, instead it was considered chicken feed. But the iconic tri-color candy caught on and became known as “chicken feed candy.” Before automation, it required people to work together to pour the syrup into the molds. And, until it was heavily marketed for Halloween in the 1950s, children snacked on it all year round.

Another candy that gets a lot of love during the month of October is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. In the shape of ghosts or pumpkins, shelves are filled with this iconic American candy waiting to be handed out at doors to trick-or-treaters. Despite serious peanut allergies, it still finds itself in the number one or two spot in sales. It’s often considered everyone’s favorite, except for me. I am not allergic to peanut butter, and often will eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my lunch. Granted, I upscale it with all-natural peanut butter and my own homemade freezer jam. I am not opposed to all chocolate and peanut butter combinations, loving energy bites and the occasional chocolate ice cream sundae with peanut butter topping. But I have never liked Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Based on the famous commercials, as a child I was enticed to take a Hershey bar and dip it into peanut butter, hoping to have a look of ecstasy cross my face like I had seen on TV. Instead, I found the combination lackluster. When I mention my dislike of Reese’s, gasps follow along with questions about my taste buds and my sanity. I just shrug and think this may not be the wisest time to mention my love for candy corn.

I recently saw a tea towel that made me laugh. The tea towel has nine pieces of candy corn with a word written on most of them. The words combine to form the sentence “You don’t have to be everyone’s favorite.” At first, I thought, I no longer need to convince everyone that candy corn is good, nor do I have to defend my choice to buy a bag of candy corn. But the more I thought about the statement, the deeper this simple truth resonated with me.

Like candy corn, I don’t have to be everyone’s favorite. And more importantly, I don’t have to compromise my boundaries or beliefs to stay in everyone’s good graces. For many years, I found myself trying to appease others and “fix” situations so that I would not be seen as offensive or difficult. In other words, I spent a lot of time pleasing others. I didn’t know how to express anger well or set healthy boundaries that protected me. And often I found myself becoming smaller, spending more energy pressing myself into a mold that I did not fit.

In the last two years, I have been learning to set healthier boundaries. I am learning that saying “no” is okay. I am learning to address times when I feel I have been treated unfairly or unkindly. I am learning to express anger in a healthy manner and am choosing not to grab the extinguisher every time a fire flares up in a relationship. And the weight of trying to manage other people’s emotions so they would like me has been lifted, giving me a sense of freedom I have never felt before.

A few months ago, I woke up to a series of texts alerting me to a post someone made on my social media. The post sarcastically maligned my character. This resulted in some drama, with those who love me standing up for me. My instinct was to ignore the incident, recognizing that hurt people try to hurt others. Instead, I opened a conversation with the person, who responded with an unwillingness to talk and more accusations. At this point, I would have cowered and made every effort to appease and apologize for something that I hadn’t even done. In the past, I was desperate to stay in their good graces by taking responsibility for something that wasn’t my fault. But three other people who love me well reminded me that I didn’t deserve to be treated like this. And that I should stand up for myself. I closed the conversation and moved on. I pray that, someday, we can come to some sort of closure. But this problem isn’t mine to fix.

I don’t have to convince everyone to like candy corn, or why my dislike of peanut butter cups is valid. I also don’t have to convince everyone to like me by changing who I am or taking responsibility for things that I don’t need to own. But this requires me to sit in a space where things can be uncomfortable, where I don’t respond to every text, and where I don’t have to fix everything. It requires me to pause, pray, and ask for God’s guidance. It’s finding the balance of being a Christian with pursing peace, long-suffering, and kindness in conjunction with the recognition not everyone is going to like me. And while it’s hard, it is also okay to not be everyone’s favorite.

“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” Hebrews 10:24

I spent almost two weeks with my son and his family, celebrating Eva’s first birthday and creating memories. As I observed Ethan’s and Rachel’s parenting, I was struck once again with the fine balance parents must manage between a toddler’s budding sense of independence and their safety. All week, I heard from a persistent three-year-old, “I can sit in a big chair to eat my lunch, I can drink with the Peter Rabbit cup (the one with no lid), I can push a vacuum cleaner, I can scramble the eggs, I can hold the mixer all by myself….” Joel is determined to do the same things adults do but doesn’t quite understand his own limits. Yet, his parents patiently give him enough room to grow while keeping him safe. And this fine balance will continue to tip in his favor as he grows and develops.

Being independent is a sign of maturity, but we often ignore the fact that recognizing your limits amid independence is a stronger indicator of maturity. This sign of maturity manifests itself in the Christian life as well. We must develop our own walk with God marked with good habits and personal discipline while balancing that with being a part of a body of believers that helps us grow and develop. This principle of community is echoed throughout the Bible. God divided Israel into twelve tribes, so that they could function in small groups and still come together as a whole. Jesus called twelve disciples, not one person, to carry out the Great Commission. And these small group of disciples along with a few other apostles started small churches throughout the Middle East and beyond, who helped spread the gospel.

A few weeks ago, I once again experienced how a body of believers comes together to bless their community. A group of us came up with a vision to celebrate our children in a service. We invited a special speaker, Pastor Greg Marshall, who is gifted in ministry for both adults and children. We then came up with a few other ideas, including a puppet show, children leading worship, a skit, and ice cream sundaes to follow. What happened in the next few months was a beautiful example of everyone coming together to use their giftings to bring this service to fruition.

I am a “creative”, but I work best when collaborating with other creatives. I have no idea how to create promotional materials, I cannot sing, and I have never been a puppeteer. These limitations along with a finite amount of time put limits on what I can personally contribute to an event like our children’s rally. This is where others came to fill in the gaps, making a simple idea a richer vision. Promotional materials, working regularly with children in leading worship, a group of young people developing their acting talents in a skit, and spending hours decorating our foyer with whimsical clouds and balloon arches all contributed to making this event a success.

But collaboration works best with three key principles: humility, freedom, and ability to change. My friend Liane, who handles promotional materials, came up with a more concisely worded theme. She was hesitant to suggest it, not having much experience working with me before. But her theme was better, and I have learned not to hold anything too precious. When we are easily offended by other suggestions or hold too tightly to our own ideas, we lose out on valuable input. This input can find potential pitfalls with our ideas and/or help us clarify our vision. This is where humility comes in, recognizing that your ideas are not perfect, but that collaborating with others will help make the ideas stronger.

We must also be careful not to micromanage when we lead. Leading results in freedom and growth, while micromanaging produces frustration and bondage. I asked two young women to decorate the foyer for the event. Brittany and Lexi were both featured in my Discovering Joy series and have a proven record of creativity and design esthetic. They sent me pictures of their ideas and made the foyer an absolutely magical place for children. It was beyond what I had dreamed, and it created an atmosphere for children to feel special. Another woman, Karen, volunteered to put together some of the toppings for the ice cream sundaes. I would never have thought of gummy bears as a topping, but her intuition and experience with children were spot on. These confections were by far the favorites among the children I interacted with. I saw gummy bears on every child’s sundae!

Finally, we need to be willing to change. We had been practicing a skit for a couple of weeks, a modern-day version of Lot and Abraham deciding on which land to raise their flocks. It was filled with cowboy accents, Lamb-Fil-A, and triple espressos with goat milk. One of our leading actors, who carried out his role with humor, had a medical emergency two days before the event. We could have dropped the skit, but that would have minimized all the work everyone had put into the acting and props. We found someone else to fill in, who added his own sense of humor with ad libbed lines. He was willing to pivot with his own plans and fill in for us. The skit went on without a hitch, despite missing our original cast member.

Humility, freedom, and the ability to change, along with an incredible group of people who used their giftings, made this event a success. And once again, I was in awe of what had transpired from a simple idea. Time and time again, I have seen this recipe produce anointed events that minister to people. Peter reminds fellow believers in 1 Peter 4:10, “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” Joel is learning to be independent, but I pray that he learns to be in a community of believers where they serve one another with their individual gifts.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Proverbs 1:7

Apple paper plates with name tags and a toy school bus centerpiece, Elmer’s glue and penmanship paper graced my daughter-in-love’s table for Joel’s first day of preschool at home. In the last few weeks, Joel, like most students across the country, has started his formal education. He’s eager to learn, informing his local librarian with pride that he was starting preschool as he picked up the books his mom had reserved. He can’t wait to learn how to use scissors, write his letters, and explore the characteristics of different forest animals.

There is something about the first day of school that I have always loved. With a fresh box of perfectly tipped crayons, blank notebooks, and crisp folders, I looked forward to packing my backpack and starting school. This carried on to college, when I purchased my books from the bookstore, and couldn’t wait to receive my syllabus to see what I was going to learn. It continued as a home educator when the process of picking curriculum, creating a schedule, and embarking on a new learning adventure with my own children sparked joy in my life. Like Meg Ryan’s character in You’ve Got Mail, I would have been pleased to receive a “bouquet of newly sharpened pencils” from a person who loved school supplies as much as I did.

Today, I no longer buy school supplies, or wait for UPS to deliver curriculum. I only purchase new crayons for my Sunday School class or my grandchildren. But the first day of school pictures on Instagram and the school supply section at Target still make September a new beginning. For me, it’s a time to reflect on being a lifelong learner. Just like Joel, I am excited to learn new ideas, thoughts, and perceptions. Even though I may not be in a classroom, I still want to grow as a Christian and broaden my horizons.

Being a lifelong learner requires intentionality. Just like parents and students prepare for the new school year, I need to prioritize learning new ideas and gaining new perspectives. I need to evaluate my sources and have a balanced approach to where I get news and information. I must recognize that if all my information is coming from an echo chamber, I may not be getting an accurate perception. And most importantly, I need to actively study the Bible, not just read it.

In the last few years, I have approached my personal Bible study differently. I am currently taking the time to slowly read scripture, and look up meanings of words, customs, and culture to get a deeper understanding of what is written and why. I also am paraphrasing my thoughts about what individual portions of scripture are telling me about God. Finally, through podcasts like BEMA Discipleship, I am getting a deeper understanding of the Hebrew perspective and how it influenced the stories written in the Bible. It’s amazing to find out how my western point of view has misinformed my perception of characters, stories, and principles.

For years, I was a talk radio addict, listening to various conservative thinkers pontificating on major news and issues. It shaped how I viewed current events, voted for political leaders, and interpreted history. This echo chamber was supported further with some of the Christian voices I was listening to both in the homeschooling circle and on the radio. I became indoctrinated and rarely listened to anything that was contrary to these thinkers.

And life continued, until the 2016 election, #Metoo movement, immigration, and building the wall battles, followed by the pandemic and later racial upheaval due to police brutality. My typical news sources no longer seemed balanced with the reality of video footage of police brutality, patients dying in hospitals, and stories of immigrant detainees. I soon became disillusioned with news and began wondering what God had to say about the world around me.

While reading the Bible, the words of the Jewish and Christianity admonishments to care for the “widow, fatherless and foreigner” began to be illuminated across the Bible. Deuteronomy alone mentions this population eleven times with very specific expectations on how the community was to care for them. The care for these marginalized segments of the population were a mark of what made those who believed in God different. Jesus, both in actions and deeds, demonstrated how we should care for marginalized people. He elevated women and other outsiders by including them in His inner circle. He preached that those who will inherit the kingdom of God are the ones who took care of strangers by clothing them and taking them in.

With these scriptures in mind, I began to seek sources that aligned with these principles. I found several podcasts that were asking hard questions about Christianity in relation to the news and issues. Two, The Bulletin and The Russell Moore Show are produced by Christianity Today. Both address current events like how to handle AI technology and what does the Barbie movie say about women and men. Instead of eliciting an emotive response, they tend to feature reporters and thinkers across genres who articulate well thought out answers. I also have found Confronting Christianity with Rebecca McLaughlin thought provoking as well. She, along with the previous co-host Kyle Worley, address issues like gender identity, human rights issues, and race in the context of Christianity. None of these podcasts are watering down scripture, instead they are more fully expressing the gospel in relation to these issues.

Finally, I am actively reading books that address some of the hard issues. I found books like She Said: Breaking the Sexual Harassment Story that Helped Ignite a Movement by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey, Solito by Javier Zamora, and I Take My Coffee Black: Reflections on Tupac, Musical Theater, Faith, and Being Black in America by Tyler Merrit give perspectives that make me pause and think before forming an opinion. Whether its sexual harassment, immigration, or race, these are complicated issues rooted in historical context that cannot be whitewashed by patriotic sentiments. They need to be confronted and addressed if change is going to happen.

About seven years ago, I got my first set of bifocal glasses. It was amazing how quickly my eyes adapted to the two different prescriptions on my lenses. I no longer had to move my glasses to read a text from my husband or strain to read a book in bed. Everything seemed crisper and clearer. I could see both far and near. In many ways, I think these last few years I have gotten a new set of lenses regarding my Christian worldview. It’s become wider and more comprehensive. I have learned to recognize that I didn’t see things as clearly as I thought and that being a Christian is about compassionate, not angry tweets. In no way do I think I have all the answers; it’s a constant balancing of act of learning and integrating while resting on a Christian foundation. And I agree with the words of Rebecca McLaughlin in her book Confronting Christianity, “Like paleontologists sifting through the dirt, we must excavate what the Bible actually says while dusting off the cultural dross.”

“Don’t let anyone despise your youth,” 1 Timothy 4:11

This is a breaking announcement accompanied by a drumroll, confetti, and fireworks! I have discovered the elusive Fountain of Youth! Yes, I repeat, I have discovered the Fountain of Youth! No, it wasn’t found on a pilgrimage to Florida. And it wasn’t found in a new anti-aging product that I am trying to influence you to buy, nor is it found in an exercise routine or healthy eating plan. Instead, it is found by cultivating joy in your life through embracing the wisdom of older generations juxtaposed with choosing to be inspired by younger generations.

I have spent the last four weeks sharing insights on discovering joy through my interviews with Cheryl, Michele, Barb, and Nancy. These women are aging gracefully because they activate joy in their lives despite suffering, disappointment, and loss. Today, I am going to explore how being inspired by a younger generation keeps me energized with joy.

I am highlighting three women, Lexi Holmgren, Brittany Epler, and Lexi Peterson, who are still in their early to mid-twenties. This list could have been so much longer because this age group is filled with thoughtful and innovative women reflecting the image of God through their creative pursuits. And they do this with joy that is seen both in person and in how they portray themselves in social media.

It was the last day of our whirlwind vacation in Wisconsin. We were gathering at Lexi and Caleb Holmgren’s apartment for our last night of fellowship and Midwest-style pizza. Tired, I walked into Lexi’s apartment, exhaling a sigh of contentment upon entering. With warm lighting and comfortable furniture, her apartment reflected an ambience that made me feel enveloped in a cozy hug. It was easy to see Lexi had curated her space for the purpose of hospitality, which I later learned had been modeled for her by her mother. As I continued a tour of her home, I spied a shelf where Lexi displayed her future aspirations in the form of serving dishes and linens related to food photography.

Lexi has been married to “the best husband ever”, Caleb, for four years, where they together lead worship and the youth for their church. For years, I have seen her beaming smile in pictures with her friends and family. But recently, she has become the smile behind the camera by starting a photography business. Lexi was given a camera when she was fifteen years old, and played around with it a little bit, but it was soon forgotten. Then Covid hit, and being an extrovert, Lexi dealt with quarantine boredom by learning how to use the manual mode on her camera. After many YouTube videos, and a lot of practice, she began photography as a side hustle.

Later, Lexi was offered the opportunity to take pictures of food for the wellness company she was working for as a graphic designer. The company also paid for her to study under a food photography mentor, where she continued to improve her skills. She loved the story arc of creating a theme using food, linens, and décor. She has decided to pursue this as a future career, taking some business and food photography courses online. Lexi dreams of shooting a cookbook in the future.

Lexi’s vocal tone lifted with joy as she shared her future aspirations. Joy, for Lexi, doesn’t align itself with the Google definition of “great pleasure or happiness”. As a Christian, she recognizes that happiness is temporary, based on circumstances. Instead, she believes that “Biblical joy is choosing to respond to circumstances with inner contentment because God will use these experiences to accomplish His perfect will” in her life. And it is evident when, during boredom and confinement, she chose to invest her time in a talent that she didn’t realize she had. As in the verse that most speaks about joy in her life, Lexi used the mourning of time not spent with friends to allow her fingers to dance across the buttons on a camera, because she believes “You have turned my mourning into dancing.”

Like Lexi Holmgren, Brittany Epler is married to her best friend, Kory, celebrating four years this coming November. Brittany proclaims with passion that she “loves serving Jesus”, spending time with her dog, Tucker, kayaking, and planning her next adventure. Brittany entered my life a few years ago when she was one of my daughter’s bridesmaids. I quickly adopted her into my family, loving her sense of humor and whimsy.  Brittany also has a design aesthetic that I find comfortable and cozy. She believes less is more, except when it comes to plants. A few years ago, Brittany started out with her undiscovered green thumb by taking care of cacti. Soon, she started adding small house plants, graduating to bigger plants, officially losing track of how many she has. She finds taking care of plants peaceful and calming.

At Maggie’s bridal shower, I delegated to her bridesmaids to accomplish my vision of a panini charcuterie. Brittany quickly took the lead, turning my vision into an art form by creating roses from salami and ham.  After that, she started using Pinterest to google all the different ways to cut cheese, and soon found herself creating theme boards for people. She loves people’s faces filled with joy when they look at her creations.

Brittany longed to express herself artistically and God, faithful as always, brought out her artistry with houseplants and charcuterie, along with dabbling in floral design and watercolor, at the perfect time. These artistic endeavors have provided some therapeutic outlets and escapes through some challenging circumstances. God’s gift of helping Brittany discover her talents aligns with her definition of joy. She believes that “joy is calmness and peace in your heart no matter what circumstances looks like.” It also is her strength from God, supported in scripture in Nehemiah 8:11. And most importantly, it is God using creative outlets to keep Brittany focused on joy when she needs it most.

Of the three younger women, I have known Lexi Peterson the longest and I am surprised at how her curiosity and creativity continue to evolve. Originally from Colorado, she currently lives in Pennsylvania and works as a dairy hand milking cows. She loves baking, playing volleyball, and taking care of plants. On Sundays, Lexi walks into church in a dress that is both feminine and distinct. She would not describe herself as a “fashionista”, but is intentional in expressing herself through her clothing, whether at church or browsing a bookstore. She is not trying to make a fashion statement but enjoys the art of putting together an outfit that represents her authentically.

This authenticity is not only expressed in her clothing, but in her worship. Lexi leads Silent Witness, a group where she choreographs ASL sign and artistic interpretation movements set to music for the purpose of worship. With a whole-body expression of worship, she connects to God without inhibition. She, along with her group, inspires those watching to worship as well. With the same intensity, Lexi creates beautiful desserts, tablescapes with flowers, and has recently discovered cooking Indian food. She continues to want to “broaden her horizons and explore different things.”

For Lexi, joy is a combination of being content, expressing gratefulness, and having peace. Joy is found in the promises of God in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” She is confident that God wants what is best for her, has her where she is now, and knows where she will be in the future. For her, this joy expresses itself in both the quiet knowing of being in nature and working with animals and in the overwhelming feeling of joy when listening to a piece of music that brings hope.

These three incredible young women have been influenced by their mothers, and other women who encourage the development of their talents. And they believe that the older generation is important in their lives. Lexi H believes her generation is “bold, passionate, driven, and independent”, but they still need the genuine relationships with older women without judgement. She has a monthly coffee date with an older woman who listens to her concerns and offers kind words of wisdom sprinkled with love. Brittany wants older women to believe in her generation and trust them. She cautions us not to put them into a box, remember they are individuals who might approach life differently. Lexi P wants connections with the older generation to be authentic. She doesn’t need a mentor to be the perfect wise counsel, she just needs them to be genuine for her to be open about her own struggles.

All three have well developed thoughts and clarity about what joy is and how it expresses itself in their lives. They all express joy through a design esthetic that is authentic, comfortable, and inviting. They purse their creative interests with abandon, believing that God is for them. They lead busy lives but still find time for individual moments of joy. And all three of them express joy in their own unique ways. For Lexi H, “late night snuggles with Caleb, hugs from her nephews, and seeing students thrive in her youth group” are just a few of her abundant joys. Watching puppies living in the moment and beautiful sunrises that embody both a moment of reflection and anticipation bring joy to Lexi P. Brittany summed up joy as a gift from God that she can open each morning. It may be reading the word of God or going kayaking, and she believes that “Jesus makes it so easy to choose joy.”

In these last five weeks, I have discovered joy in many different expressions. I have been inspired by all the women, young and old, who have contributed to my project. Joy is contagious, life-giving, and helps me age gracefully.

“You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

Israel, Italy, France, and Africa are only some of the places that Barb Huston has had the privilege to visit. A mural picture of the Amalfi coast covers a wall in her home, reminding her of the beauty of Italy. This love for God’s beauty continues into her garden, where she has cultivated an oasis adorned with different flowers brightening her little space in Carlisle. But although she feels blessed by travel and flowers, Barb finds the most joy in seeing a person who “has been so devastated by life and all the things the enemy can throw at them” allow God to heal, redeem and restore. She loves witnessing this person gain victory over their pain in a way that only God can do. This may seem like a trite answer from a Pastor’s wife, but I can tell you that Barb truly believes this, and it is evident in the way she lives her life!

How does one get to the place where they find joy in seeing the restoration of others? It starts with a right perspective of oneself in relation to God. And Barb’s right perspective was evident throughout the interview. She never elevates herself but identifies with David of the Bible when he received some news about his descendant. It was prophesied that the Messiah, who would redeem all of Israel, would eventually be born through David’s line. Bathed in humility, David asked, “Who am I that you (God) are mindful of me?” Barb echoes David’s response despite a successful career as a nurse and a blessing of almost 40 years of marriage. Barb is still in awe of the God who cares for her despite describing herself prior to her conversion to Christianity as a “liability and a terrible person.”

Her relationship with God started in a place of loneliness. After finishing nursing school, Barb had what others would deem a fulfilling single life: a career, friends, and the occasional boyfriend. Yet, whether she was with friends or not, Barb felt alone, a feeling that had been below the surface her whole life. Her parents divorced when she was young, and soon after, her father deserted her. Her mother remarried when Barb was eight, but the relationship with her stepfather was challenging due to his binge drinking and harsh discipline. In this new marriage, she would have more siblings, but always felt different. They were the “real children” while she was the stepdaughter. Years later, those feelings of abandonment and rejection collided with that underlying feeling of loneliness. Tears and attempts to remedy this feeling did not change it. She felt utterly alone.

A year later, Barb found herself attending a church service with a friend, after running out of excuses not to come. That night, Barb encountered God in a way that she had never experienced. At the altar in tears, His warmth and presence flooded through her. And then she felt God answer her deepest cries by impressing on her mind “You have never been alone.” At that moment, Barb knew God was real and He knew the hidden pain she had in her heart. From that point on, Barb’s life was changed, and she never looked back. She soon got involved in a Life Group and started to grow in her relationship with God.

Less than a year later, after a short courtship, Barb married Dave Huston, a divorced man with three daughters. Those early years were tough for all involved. With the pressures of raising stepdaughters, custody battles, and dealing with the messy aftermath of divorce, Barb soon found herself at the altar feeling ill-equipped. She cried out to God asking why he had gotten her into this mess with all the angst and fighting. But again, He spoke to her, this time with a slightly disappointed tone, “I wasn’t cursing you; I was blessing you with this situation. Anybody can love their own children.” This stopped Barb’s tears, and she opened her eyes to the possibility of what God was trying to do. It started her on a journey of not only being a stepmom but making that relationship a fruitful blessing in the lives of her family.

Even though this happened over thirty years ago, this insight into God’s plan has shifted Barb’s future responses to tough situations. While still acknowledging feelings of disappointment or grief, she asks God what He wants her to learn from this situation. And this simple question helps her cultivate joy in hard situations. Barb finds Psalm 16:11 reassuring when it says, “Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” This fullness of joy is not just an emotion, but a state of mind that comes from her knowledge and experience with God. It’s a fruit of the spirit, rather than a gift, so it requires some effort on her part to cultivate it. Joy comes by experiencing who God is and knowing what eternity holds for her. Finally, its complete joy, knowing that all the hard things she has faced in the past have brought her into relationship with God and will be faded memories in eternity.

I have observed Barb’s sweet relationship with her husband. After 37 years of marriage, they still greet each other with a hug and kiss when she comes into the church every Sunday morning. It’s not a cursory greeting, but both significantly light up when they are in each other’s presence. This joy in marriage didn’t happen overnight. Along with the challenges of a blended family, Barb also dealt with abandonment and other issues stemming from her childhood. She reacted to conflict by wanting to fight, but Dave responded with prayer, consistently extending grace to her. God used Dave to minister to her and help her grow in faith and security. And the joy she experiences by the transformation of others to healing and wholeness has happened in her own life. This doesn’t make Dave the perfect “Prince Charming” or her the perfect wife. Instead, Barb has chosen not to dwell on things she wishes were different but instead build upon the love and respect they have for each other.

Additionally, Barb says she is inspired to be joyful by Dave’s consistently Christ-like character, both in public and in their home. Barb recognizes he doesn’t have a bubbly personality but is steady and finds “his peace and center in God.” In difficult situations he is undaunted and allows God to take him to the better spot. And in turn, Barb inspires those around her to be joyful with her conscious decision to present herself with a smile and peace. Both at work and in church, she chooses not to get ruffled in challenging situations but instead brings her concerns to God. Some may think of her as having a perfect life, but she knows that while her life is not perfect, her God is!

Humility, transformation, and gratefulness are the hallmarks of joy for Barb’s life. It is evident in her marriage, ministry, and career. And it is evident in things that didn’t happen in her own life. Two years after her marriage to Dave, her stepdaughters lost their mom due to a rare cancer. Barb never had children of her own and recognized that she was not their replacement mother. But instead, followed God’s chosen path in her life to be a blessing to her family. One of her stepdaughters believes that both she and Barb have risen above the stereotypical stepmother/stepdaughter relationship. They love one another as Godly Christian women, creating the very relationship that God intended them to have.

Barb authentically points everything back to her encounter with a Jesus who cared about her. She never presents self as having arrived at a certain spiritual status but is instead candid about her own shortcomings. When she leads prayer or speaks a word of encouragement to others, it is always wisdom sprinkled with vulnerability and humor. She points to the success of her career in nursing as God giving her favor. She truly sees the calling her husband had to Carlisle as a place where they could serve others, and she does so in countless ways.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” James 1:2-3

She sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face, reliving the evening’s events. It had been the monthly school program, where all her friends stood up before the whole church reciting different Biblical passages they had memorized and sang a song or two. Among the adults, Michele and her brother were the only two children sitting on the wooden pews watching the presentation. Michele clapped her hands at the end of the program, happy for her friends. But inside, her heart was broken, waiting for privacy to let her tears fall. But even then, she didn’t cry bitter tears full of resentment towards her friends or her mother, who just didn’t have the finances to afford the tuition. Instead, she brought her disappointed tears to the only one she knew who could help: Jesus. A year later, she did end up attending the Christian school, but this simple habit of bringing all her disappointments to the Lord was the greatest prize.

I have seen some beautiful bodies of water, from the rhythmic waves of the Atlantic Ocean to bubbly mountain streams in spring. But one of the most beautiful bodies of water I have seen is a small man-made lake in the Appalachian Mountains near my home. In the fall, this placid lake reflects the scarlet and golden hues of maples and oaks, enhancing an already beautiful scene. It’s a place where you can sit and soak in the goodness of God.

Like the lake, my friend Michele Cassaday reflects the beauty of joy. She would not describe herself as bubbly or effervescent. Instead, she embodies contentment with quietness and assuredness, that reflects God working in her. I count my thirty-five-year friendship with Michele as one of my greatest blessings. Although she wears a little less pink, she is still the same steady friend she was many years ago. This month she is celebrating sixteen years of marriage to her husband, Ken. Her only child, Shantel, has returned to college. And her life continues in the same steady way it has for years, working with autistic children as her career, and ministering in many different capacities in her church.

Michele developed her relationship with Jesus as a young child, paying close attention to the adults around her, particularly her Sunday School teachers. Scriptural principles like “when you have disappointments, bring them to Jesus” and “do all things as unto the Lord” were imprinted on her young mind. And they served her well when even bigger disappointments came later.

This relationship as a small child inspired her to be a Sunday School teacher for over thirty years. She passionately believes Sunday School is foundational for children’s start with God. She spends time putting together lessons, creating crafts, and preparing snacks that point children to God. She prays that the little mantras she teaches about God’s word being true will resonate in their lives twenty years down the road. Rebecca Ingram, whose three children Michele has taught, recently posted on social media “You pour 100% into each child every Sunday and go above and beyond your preparation and prayer for them each weekday. Your servant’s heart says yes over and over again.”

Michele was an ordinary teenager, with sleepovers, hanging out with friends, and lots of laughter. But she was never trendy or into pop culture. Instead, her greatest dream of being married and having a family manifested itself in her monthly subscription to Good Housekeeping and listening to Dr. Dobson’s advice. After getting married, Michele struggled with infertility for about three years. Every month was a reminder of dreams not realized, and soon doctor visits revealed hurdles to overcome to fulfill her dream. Meanwhile, each new announcement of a friend’s pregnancy was a painful reminder of the emptiness in her life. Again, Michele continued the habit she learned as a child, bringing her painful feelings before the Lord. She cried out to God that she didn’t want to be jealous or bitter, and prayed that she could be supportive. This habit on her knees with tears and authentic feelings enabled Michele to celebrate with her friends and participate in planning multiple baby showers, including my own.

Michele would never describe her habit as something she conjured up within herself, instead she acknowledges the sentiments of Paul found in Romans 14:17, “for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” This inward quality of joy comes from God and can only be attained by His Spirit. For Michele, joy is not a feeling based on circumstances. Joy “is the assurance that God is always with you, that God is never going to leave you, and you are not without hope.”

This leads to the verse that orientates Michele towards joy, found in her favorite book of the Bible, James. It says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” The scripture continues that this patience will work in you a complete and perfect work. Throughout scripture, Michele sees joy contrasted with suffering. And this relationship with the two has helped her pursue contentment in the most difficult situations, including her parents’ divorce, her infertility struggles, and her own divorce.

Each of those circumstances could have brought her to despair, but Michele’s faith in God and his Word continues to sustain her through the hard times. The habit of bringing her hard feelings to Jesus, including asking God to help her forgive, has reflected itself in Michele’s spirit of contentment.  She describes this habit as “consistent effort” and a learning process. She also recognizes the importance of expectations and thankfulness. With people in her life who have disappointed her, she has lowered expectations and chosen thankfulness over being crushed. She believes being joyful is not an island all by itself, it’s birthed through practicing forgiveness, thankfulness and choosing contentment.

I hesitated asking Michele about participating in this interview, aware of the current difficulties she and her family are facing. For the past few months, her husband Ken has been in severe pain, losing a significant amount of weight. Unfortunately, the doctors have been unable to pinpoint the source of pain and are still doing testing. Yet, when I spent time with her in June, I saw Michele choosing joy despite the hard situation they are facing. And two months later, she still is choosing joy. It is not that she hasn’t cried out to God and would love some answers. But all the past situations she has gone through have laid a foundation of faith where she can rest in God.

I’ve walked along with Michele in most of her hard moments as an adult. I’ve seen her actively choose to forgive when her feelings didn’t match her prayers. I have seen her choose to trust God, when the outcomes weren’t what she dreamed. I have seen her work through past brokenness so she could start a new marriage with Ken. And this consistent habit of bringing hard feelings to God has inspired me to choose contentment, but it’s also her witness to others. Her coworkers and church family see her as one who really cares about what she does, it’s not just a job or teaching a Sunday School class or cleaning the church. They don’t see her complain about minor irritants. Instead, she wholeheartedly completes her tasks because it’s not about her but about pleasing God.

And she neither wants to be put on a pedestal nor puts others on a pedestal. This keeps her in a place of humility. She sees traits in others she strives to have in her life, and honestly recognizes where she comes up short. When I complimented her on being one of the most animated Sunday School teachers I have ever seen, she pursued humility by choosing to put others above her.

Joy is a good gift from God that also has an outward expression. For Michele, it may be found in savoring an incredible piece of chocolate, although I was surprised it wasn’t birthday cake for breakfast. But joy as an experience manifested itself in the miracle of childbirth for Michele. After experiencing years of infertility, Michele was finally at the hospital giving birth to her miracle baby, Shantel. Despite having phobias related to hospitals and blood, Michele enjoyed every minute of her experience, marveling at the goodness of God in her little rosebud baby girl. For just a moment, she felt like the superwoman we all believe she is.

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

A fork in a casket was a surprising ending to my insightful conversation with my friend Cheryl Budworth, a Texas native transplanted to Wisconsin. When asked about what object or experience exemplifies joy for her, I expected to hear about one of her many travel adventures or finding wildflowers on a drive. Instead, she shared a story she heard years ago about a young girl diagnosed with terminal cancer. The girl sat with her pastor, sharing with him her last wishes when she added that she wanted to be buried with a fork in her right hand. Perplexed, he asked, “Why?” The girl shared some wisdom that her grandmother had instilled in her. As a child, her grandmother remembered family meals surrounded by loved ones. After the main dish, she was told to keep her fork, signifying something better was to come. She could hardly wait to see what was coming next: a velvety piece of chocolate cake or flaky fruity pie? One thing she knew for certain, this fork indicated something amazing was coming. Like the young girl, this story has centered Cheryl’s life, reminding her of the amazing things just around the corner while maintaining the relationships she holds dear.

If you met Cheryl in person, her smile and her southern drawl would draw you in as she greeted you with a hug. After a few minutes you would be laughing at a story she shared. Giving God all the glory, she may share some things about her life. Cheryl is the Executive Director of a hospital and professional billing team for a large organization where she leads over 600 people. Additionally, she heads the women’s ministry in her growing church, coordinating ladies’ events with excellence. She beams with joy about being the wife of her husband, Mike, and spending time together with their four children, and two beautiful grandbabies, with one more on the way. Along with her family, Cheryl would add she truly has many beautiful “sisterhood relationships” that enrich her life.

At first glance, you would see this beautiful, successful woman and think her life was perfect. She would say that, currently, she finds joy in every area of her life. But this wasn’t always the case. Cheryl had to discover joy beyond the “shadow of pain” that engulfed her life for years. She is a survivor of multiple forms of abuse, has had broken relationships, been a single parent, and has experienced financial hardship. It would be easy to gloss over this list and forget each item is a story with bruises, shattered dreams, depression, and a tight budget. Cheryl doesn’t often openly share the details but uses her experiences to encourage other women on a personal level to “discover the joy she was able to find.”

Her belief about joy is embodied by a Rick Warren quote that Cheryl keeps as a reminder. According to Warren, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details in my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” This “quiet confidence” has allowed her to trust God in hard places, including at the devastating end of a seven-year dating relationship. One day, lying on the edge of her bed, Cheryl was at her lowest, feeling she had nothing left to offer. But God used the one person He knew who could raise Cheryl out of her dark place, her seven-year-old son. Justin stood by the bed, talking to his mom. As she gazed into those little brown eyes, Cheryl felt her depression lift. Along with daily phone calls with her mom, Cheryl started to move forward, and trust that God had a future for her.

This brings Cheryl to another principle that has helped her get beyond the shadow of pain when joy was not easily accessible. Instead of looking far ahead, Cheryl chooses to do the next right thing. Sometimes it might be calling a friend and being vulnerable about where she is at, or maybe it’s making a meal for someone else, or taking a nature walk. These simple steps, without the pressure of figuring everything out, help her “taste and see that the Lord is good.” Disney reminds Cheryl of this principle with the song “The Next Right Thing” from Frozen 2, which she keeps on her playlist.

Finally, Cheryl reminds herself of the wisdom principle found in Proverbs 17:22. It says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” She knows that cultivating joy brings healing to her life. The converse is unthinkable: if she stays in a broken place, she will wither and die.

The next right thing and healing are not just for Cheryl’s benefit. Joy flows through Cheryl to others through her gift of hospitality. It is evident not just by the number of visitors she has to her home, but by the large group of friends she invites into her life, both personally and professionally. If she is hosting a work meeting, she doesn’t hesitate to bring a quiche to make her co-workers feel cared for. She greets guests in her church so that they feel connected. She uses stories and laughter to relate to others and bring levity to difficult situations. And she develops friendships, even with those who are the most introverted, by sharing jokes and memes through texts until they can laugh in person over the same material.

What struck me throughout our conversation is that Cheryl’s joyful confidence was borne out of insecurity and brokenness. She did not come to the table with a pedigree of leadership or awareness of her giftings. She just served and found fulfillment in this act. And although she was surrounded by the gift of amazing mentors in the different Godly women who befriended her, she didn’t try to copy or compete with them. Instead, she asked God to help her to develop these areas in a way only she could authentically be. Today, she stands on the shoulders of great women because she decided to be a blessing to them and to learn from them.

Patsy Davis, one of her greatest mentors, was a pastor’s wife who loved hospitality. She welcomed many into her home with a seat at the table, a blanket to keep warm, and food to feed the soul. This same woman later took Cheryl into her life, where they painted walls in the new church building and rode bikes in the dark. Besides hospitality, Patsy’s joyful outlook taught Cheryl not to take life so seriously. This principle echoes the lesson Cheryl finds in Proverbs 17 about a joyful heart being good medicine.

The hard moments could have left her bitter and frustrated. For Cheryl, joy is not a happily ever after but a choice to trust God. It’s a choice to focus on the good things. And it’s a choice to “delight” in the goodness of God. A few years ago, Cheryl decided to keep a journal of things that bring her delight. This list includes moments like sitting down in a Dallas airport with her “Whataburger” and her husband with his “Chick-fil-a”, simple fast food that brings pleasure to both. It’s her son hugging her tight after coming home from deployment, understanding that her arms are home to him. It’s getting an unexpected phone call from her grandniece just because she wants to tell “Aunt Cheryl” something. And it’s hearing humpback whales sing through sonar on a trip to Hawaii reminding her of God’s majesty.

My interview with Cheryl flowed as easily as her joy because being joyful is a way of life for her. It’s not based on her personality or even her current outcomes but on knowing at every difficult moment, joy was to be found. It’s choosing the next right thing, even choosing to bless others when things are hard. And it’s finding things to laugh about along the way. Cheryl moved to my hometown a few years after I moved to Pennsylvania. And even though we have never lived in the same place at the same time, Cheryl makes me feel welcome in the place I used to call home!

“And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.” 1 John 1:4

It was late afternoon, and the twin boys were done! They played blocks, rolled balls, and read books. While shaking wooden maracas to music, they explored the nursery through crawling and attempting to walk. They had already had their first nap, ate lunch, and were hydrated. Nothing in the room or in their toy bag was satisfying their curiosity or capturing their attention. One wore a slightly grumpy expression as if to say, “Come on, is this all you have?”, while the other’s constant smile started to sag. They wanted mom, who still had a few things left to do in the office, and I was the less appealing substitute. So, I broke out what all preschool and Sunday School teachers know to be the antidote to toddler crabbiness: the miracle bubble wand. Immediately, as the first iridescent spheres floated across the room into view, grumpiness left, and smiles widened. Soon, the boys were squealing with delight, hands reaching out to capture a bubble or two. These magic bubbles enchanted them for the next fifteen minutes, until mom could finish her tasks.

Ingrid Fetell Lee wrote Joyful, a delightful book exploring the concept of how “ordinary things create extraordinary happiness”. She interviewed people and found universally that different objects or ideas brought joy to different people, things like glitter, bright colors, nature, patterns, and of course, bubbles. She then explored how various artists, designers, and architects incorporated these ideas into their work, making space for more joy in our daily lives. One of my favorite ideas that she highlighted was the Brooklyn artist Magda Sayeg who knitted sleeves for parking meters, adding a bit of surprise on the busy gray concrete New York sidewalks.

Throughout the course of writing this blog, I have shared with readers a window into what brings me joy, including my love of citrus, fresh produce, and plants. But for me, joy is more than the yellow gnome that sits on my floating shelf. It’s more than the egg chair on my patio that encompasses me on balmy summer evenings. It’s even more than the sweet laughter from my beautiful grandchildren.

It is not something I experienced as a child. While I did have fleeting moments of happiness, they were swallowed by the secrets I harbored concerning my sexual trauma. It felt as if someone else was holding a remote on my childhood where Campfire girls, cupcakes, and Cabbage Patch dolls are fast forwarded while hearing steps in the stairwell as I sob silently in my bedroom are in slow motion. I remember some holidays where we put on the pretense of a normal family, unwrapping presents under a tree. These moments were quickly superseded with drunken outbursts and more secrets. Yes, I had happy moments but never joy.

My first experience of joy came at the altar where I invited Jesus into my life. I initially felt peace, but joy soon followed. I no longer felt hopeless, but instead, felt secure in knowing that God was good and good to me. As I grew in my relationship with Jesus, I realized that this sovereign, majestic God not only cared for and loved me, but had plans for me. Along with God’s word, I delighted in observing His reflection in the world around me. Soon, joy started bubbling up within me. It wasn’t based on my circumstances, where I lived, or what I had. It was solely based on my relationship with Jesus. And as I grew in God, I realized I didn’t have to earn points to keep this joy. It was always available when I rested in His arms.

Like Ingrid Fetell Lee, I want to explore joy over the next few weeks. As delightful as confetti and treehouses are, I want to explore this concept of joy in four women my age and older who exemplify joy to me. Some of these women might be described as bubbly in nature, while others have a more serene state of joy. One I have known for over thirty years, while the others, my relationship with them is more recent. But what they all have in common is that when I spend time with or think about these women, I am inspired to be more joyful in all areas of my life. In their own individual ways, they each reflect the image of God in how they express joy. So, my hope is to interview these women, highlighting some of their wisdom and how they reflect joy in their lives. I want to learn the secret sauce to what makes each of them joyful. My last post will be highlighting three younger women who bring me joy. These dynamic young women choose joy by pursuing creative endeavors. When I am around them, I look at the world with fresh eyes, and see all the possibilities of a life in God!

I hope you join me in this series of “Joy” posts. My prayer is that despite whatever “hard” you may be going through, you will see joy is possible. I hope that you don’t chase happiness, but instead chase joy that is fulfilling and long-lasting. Finally, I hope you are as inspired as I am by these amazing women who choose joy!

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

I was excited to be a mother. I had read the “What to Expect” books concerning both pregnancy and the first year. I researched baby items, carefully selecting the right furniture for our nursery. My brother-in-law painted our room a sunny yellow, with a blue ceiling. My Aunt Brenda followed up by faux painting the ceiling with streaks of purple, yellow and pink, making the nursery look like a Venetian sky. I had clothes washed and ready for the baby’s impending arrival. I felt prepared. I put my hand on my stomach often, talking to the baby in soft tones, telling him how excited I was for his arrival.

But then, I was past my due date, uncomfortable and unable to sleep. By the time my son was born, and they laid him on my chest, I didn’t have the instant warm feeling of maternal bonding flooding my heart. I was exhausted and in a bit of shock from the whole ordeal of childbirth. That maternal instinct kicked in the next morning, when I held my son in my arms, marveling at his features and God’s goodness. Fourteen months later, my daughter was born in a whirlwind of activity. Again, the maternal hormones didn’t kick in immediately. They flooded my heart later that night when I was alone with my blue-eyed daughter, again aware of God’s goodness.

I kept those thoughts to myself for years, feeling ashamed of my perceived lack.  I thought there was something wrong with me. But then I began to hear of other women struggling with the same feelings. A woman’s body is dealing with major hormonal fluctuations before, during, and after birth. It’s quite common for women to not feel initially present or bonded with their baby. And for some, this lack of bonding takes on the form of something more serious, postpartum depression, which may need the help of professionals. So, I shared my story with others to help remove some of the stigma.

Twenty-four years later, “We are empty nesters!” became my mantra accompanied by a little jig for the first six months after Maggie got married. It wasn’t that I didn’t miss my daughter, I did.  But for the first time in 24 years, Terry and I were living alone, responsible only for ourselves. This change coincided with the time I was no longer doing childcare in my home on a regular basis. It was a new way of living, and I was looking forward to the adventure!

Recently, I read a comment string about the most important things you would want to tell someone about entering the empty nest stage. As I read the comments, I was surprised to see how sad and depressed a lot of women felt. Once again, I started to feel like I lacked some maternal instincts, not having the same experience that they did. But I stopped that train of thought immediately! I can love my adult children well, miss them, and still enjoy the empty nest stage. And I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. What could I add to this conversation about my first year of experience as an empty nester?

• It’s hard to cook for two people. For twenty years, I have been cooking for at least four people. Now, I only need to make two chicken thighs, not six. I need two servings of pasta, not the whole box. And as much as I love soup, I don’t want it for five days in a row. Additionally, I find myself wanting to cook more ethnic dishes. Trying to balance this with Terry’s favorite dishes is hard. But I am up for the challenge and am finding new ways to meet our dietary needs.
• I leave the cupboard doors open and my shoes are all over the house. For years, I assumed that if the cupboard doors were open, that one of the children carelessly left it open. Also, my shoes were amongst the pile of theirs, so it didn’t seem as much of a problem. But now that they are gone, I clearly see the messes I make and the ones my husband doesn’t make. Every so often, I work on closing cupboard doors, but all too often, I get distracted with a new activity, and the door stays open. And as far as my shoes are concerned, I put them away when I expect company. And I am okay with this.
• We sit in the living room to eat dinner most nights. I felt guilty about this for a long time. It’s not like we are watching television while eating dinner, usually we are engaged in a lively conversation. But my beautiful table is so big that when we sit at it, it feels empty. And honestly, some nights we are tired, and want to sit somewhere more comfortably. I love my table when my whole family is gathered around it. But on ordinary nights, I like the intimacy of our living room when we eat dinner.
•  As an extrovert, I surprisingly enjoy the quietness of my home. My life is busy, with me leaving the house at least two days a week for outside obligations. But the times I am home alone, I really enjoy my time with God and myself. I spend time reading, listening to podcasts, and writing. I am finding myself engaged in more creative pursuits and exploring new worlds. It is also giving me space to address hard things in my life and move towards more wholeness.
• I am discovering new reasons why I love my husband. The last five years have been filled with a lot of changes for both of us. With this growth, we are finding new ways to connect with one another. Terry is not only my husband and the father of our children, but also my best friend. He works hard to keep up with my rabbit trail conversation style and pays attention to the new culinary artist I have discovered. He gets me, quirks, and all. And he’s forever patiently closing my cupboard doors.

There have been a few hard moments during this season. I remember when Maggie’s final box was moved out, how empty her room felt. And with that last box, the chapter of our children living with us was closed. I reflected how much this room had changed in the eleven years she had lived in it. As a 12-year-old, she decorated her room with touches of Parisian chic. In her mid-teens, she read “Moby Dick” and fell in love with all things nautical, changing her room once again. Now, she was embarking on a new decorating adventure as a newlywed with her first apartment.

Like Maggie’s changing style, Terry and I have had to adapt to new changes in this season. Holidays look different because of work schedules and distance. I can choose to be stuck in the past of how we have always done things or move forward and look to the future. For me, embracing the changes seems more beneficial to my life. And unlike some of the more sarcastic comments on the string, I don’t need to change my locks.