By Sherry Collins

When our children entered their teens, Terry and I were looking for new ways to connect with them.  They were no longer content reading stacks of picture books or gluing pompoms on construction paper.  So, one year, we bought a one-thousand-piece puzzle as a family gift.  During the Christmas season, we set out a tray of cookies, made homemade hot chocolate for the four of us, attempted the Herculean task of putting together this puzzle, and created a new Christmas tradition!  Typically, Terry and Ethan would conquer the frame, while Maggie and I would jump to whatever spot of the picture inspired us.  It might only take an evening, or a few days, but eventually we would finish the puzzle.

Along with yeast and toilet paper, ordinary cardboard puzzles have been flying off the shelves during the quarantine.  According to some articles, sales of puzzles have increased 370% across the industry, forcing companies to boost production to meet the demand.  Ravensburger, a prominent German puzzle company, was selling seven puzzles per minute in April 2019.  A year later, this had increased to twenty puzzles per minute.  Some companies became more innovative, appealing to a more diverse public by creating puzzles featuring minority groups.  On a personal level, my Facebook and Instagram feeds were blown up with friends and influencers showing off pictures of completed puzzles!

Terry and I jumped on the 2020 puzzle bandwagon a little late.  In November, we started breaking out a new puzzle on Saturday evenings.  While listening to radio dramas, we would start sorting pieces.  A few hours later, with our middle-aged eyes buggy from straining at patterns, we would set the puzzle aside, hoping to complete it the following afternoon.  For Christmas, we even bought a boxed set of four puzzles, 200 pieces each, all shaped like snow globes.  As a family, we competed to see who could put theirs together the fastest, with Terry taking first place, and Maggie coming in a close second!

What is it about puzzles that has captured the world’s attention during the pandemic and subsequent quarantine?  Putting a puzzle together takes time, commitment, mental effort, and money.  With modern technology, it would be easier to numb ourselves by binging on Netflix or scrolling through endless Facebook feeds.  So why were families choosing to put puzzles together over watching YouTube videos?

The answer to this question might be related to the physical act of putting a puzzle together.  Whether it is 500 or 1,000 pieces, every single piece has a specific place.  Through trial and error, eventually you place it in the right position.  The individual pieces, despite what looks like random patterns and colors, make a complete picture whether it is an outdoor scene, assorted vintage breakfast cereals, or cats.

It has been said repeatedly that the pandemic has thrown the world off kilter.  Like all news, we get immune to the pandemic and have now accepted it as status quo.  We wear masks, making them stylish accessories to our wardrobe.  We accept that restaurants will have social distancing guidelines, we no longer expect to try on clothes in a store, and we have adapted to working from home.

These are all surface-level adaptations that do not deal with how our bodies and minds have changed during this crisis.  All reports indicate that depression and anxiety have increased.  Suicide, domestic abuse and drug/alcohol abuse numbers have risen.  Some mental health professionals have argued that the mental response to the pandemic is mimicking post-traumatic stress disorder!

The Gallup Poll, with its annual mental health survey, reported a nine-point decline in the number of people who rated their mental health positively from 2019 to 2020.  One group that stayed the same or, in some cases, made slight improvements in their mental health, were those who attended religious services regularly. This might indicate that being a regular part of a church community has helped people successfully cope with the pandemic!

For Christians, the ability to worship together is an important part of the Christian experience.  Corporate worship helps affirm our faith, the preaching challenges us to grow in our understanding of God, and the individual believers encourage and minister to one another.  Amid the pandemic, corporate worship has not only provided stability in our Christian walk but has also provided a safe place to voice questions and find answers to the chaos around us.

I believe we are using puzzles for the same reason.  As we look for the edge pieces, we are trying to provide a stable framework for the confusion around us.  As we fit individual pieces into the puzzle, we are trying to make sense of our world as we navigate new COVID-19 strains and vaccines.  Finally, we desperately want to finish the puzzle, with all the pieces intact, completing a beautiful picture.  We all want our world to be back to the pre-COVID normal, or at least the new normal, with a measure of consistency and no new global challenges.

Recently, I donated a puzzle to Goodwill.  I carefully taped the sides of the box, so that no pieces would fall out.  I wanted to ensure that the buyer would get a complete puzzle.  I have always been skeptical about buying used puzzles.  I imagined spending a few hours of my life putting it together only to come to the end and find that a piece was missing.   The potential frustration prevented me from ever purchasing a used puzzle.

But just maybe, this post-COVID-19 world is a bit like buying a used puzzle with some missing pieces.  This may sound depressing and hopeless, but I really believe it is an opportunity for God to do His greatest work.  If we look at some of the biggest miracles in the Bible, they all happened when a piece of the puzzle seemed to be missing!  Think about the destruction of the world after the flood, the Egyptians in chariots on the banks of the Red Sea, and Jesus’ death on the cross.  At these moments, everything seemed hopeless.  Yet soon after these major trials, God stepped in with rainbows, a dry seabed, and a miraculous resurrection that forever changed our world, dropping that last missing piece into place!  Dear friends, be encouraged!  Even if it feels like we are still missing some pieces, God is doing a good work!

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” John 6:35

I love to plan trips.  After picking a destination, I start researching like a mad travel agent.  I look in the obvious places, like a city’s tourism website, but I also connect with travel bloggers, reading their recommendations for a trip.  I create a Pinterest board for the destination, including hiking trails, coffee shops, museums, historical spots, bakeries, and bookstores.  Then, based on my research, I create an itinerary that results in mostly successes with the occasional disappointment.  For example, in 2012, our family spent a long weekend in Philadelphia, jam packed with my researched itinerary.  We walked the cobblestone streets of Rittenhouse Square, and explored the Rosenbach Library, where old manuscripts of favorite authors were displayed along with Herman Melville’s desk where he wrote Moby Dick.  Later that day we ate the creamiest avocado gelato at Capogorio, which was considered the world’s best ice cream according to National Geographic in 2011.  Unfortunately, Capogorio has since closed its doors.  On that same trip we spent a lot of money to explore The Franklin Institute, which ended up being a huge disappointment due to the signs stating “Closed for Maintenance” on many of the exhibits.

Two and a half years ago, I started on a journey that has forever changed my life.  I had no idea of my destination, or how I was going to get there.  I only knew that my life needed a change of direction.  I did some research on how to start, and what changes I needed to incorporate into my life.  I created a Pinterest board on healthier living and read some other women’s blogs, trying to gain some insight on what helped them be successful.  Unlike trips I had planned before, this time I did not calculate the cost because I knew this was a journey that I had to take no matter the cost.  I took baby steps, set reasonable goals, celebrated small wins, hit some obstacles and, sometimes, changed direction.  As time went on, I became more confident in my direction and determined to keep pressing forward.

It’s hard to remember what it was like being 170 lbs. heavier than I am, now.  The mental imagery of attaching seventeen ten-pound bags of potatoes to my body and dragging that extra weight around daily is mind-blowing.  I cannot imagine how slow I moved or how that extra weight hindered me.  On family trips I remember having to rest during some of the museums while the rest of my family continued to explore.  I remember taking a taxi in New York from one destination to another while Terry and my friends walked ahead.  I sometimes made my Rheumatoid Arthritis an excuse for these rest breaks and taxi rides, but looking back, I wonder, was it really my RA, or was it the extra pounds?  I avoided climbing the stairs in my home, often asking my kids to grab something I needed as they were coming down the stairs.  I tried not to inconvenience my family, fully realizing, now, that I did.

The weight I carried affected not just my activity level, but everything I did.  I was nervous about sitting on fragile-looking furniture.  I never sat in a porch swing because I was over the weight capacity.  I tried to sit towards the middle of picnic benches, afraid I would fall if someone else got up too quickly.  I did not swing with my kids because I was too wide for the swing, and the chains pressed painfully into my hips.  I was embarrassed that I had to ask for a seat belt extension when flying, afraid they might charge me for a second seat.  My wardrobe was minimal because trendy, attractive clothing was expensive and difficult to find in my size.  I tried to position myself in photos so that most of my body was blocked.  I never owned a belt or anything that was tailored.

One of the most horrifying experiences of my adult life was getting an MRI prior to my shoulder surgery.  The doctor, in a kind but matter-of-fact tone, warned me that I might not fit into the MRI machine at my local hospital and I may have to consider going to another location.  I smiled understandingly, but inside I was stressed.  I remember sliding onto the MRI table and being rolled into the machine, paranoid that I would get stuck, trying to not breathe at all, and praying they would be able to take the needed pictures.

Recently, my daughter took a picture of me for my new Facebook Public page.  When I posted the picture, two of my former teachers commented that they would not have recognized me in this photo.  I could not agree more because I don’t even recognize myself!  I catch a glimpse of myself as I pass a mirror and I am startled by the reflection.  I hang up clothes in my closet astounded that I fit into them.  When I am walking and I pass someone, I move far to the side, unaware that I take up much less space than before.

In addition to not recognizing myself, I am astounded at how full and complete my life is now!  Despite my morbid obesity, I want to acknowledge that I still had a good life before the weight loss.  I had an incredible marriage, wonderful children and great lifelong friends, who all loved me for who I was.  I had a relationship with God and was involved in meaningful ministry.  But despite this good life, those additional 170 lbs. had a strong hold on my life that kept me from fully being who God intended.

Today, I have the energy to sustain a full life of activity and ministry.  I have a greater appreciation for God’s creation because, through walking and hiking, I see more of the world God created.  I feel stronger and less physically dependent on those around me.  I regularly accomplish more in a day than I did previously.  Mentally, I am sharper, and my emotional levels are more stable.

The greatest change has less to do with the amount of physical space I inhabited, but more with the amount of shame and unworthiness I lost with each pound.  The shame of being overweight was not just the fear of being made fun of in public or of not fitting into the MRI machine, but of what the weight covered up.  It masked a woman who desperately wanted unconditional acceptance, so afraid that if people knew the real Sherry, they wouldn’t like her.  I was still the little girl trying to conceal the ugly secrets of childhood sexual abuse.  I was still the young girl hoping to be stylish when her fat clothes made her feel ostracized from her thin classmates.  I was still the wife afraid of exposing the flawed person underneath the layers of fat, terrified her husband would leave.  I was the mother trying to overcompensate with lots of activities and family fun so my children wouldn’t be embarrassed by their morbidly obese mom.  I was still the woman trying to please God by giving 100% to every new ministry that came my way, afraid that God would reject her if she gave anything less, or if she said “no” to anything.

Underneath the layers of fat, I discovered a vulnerable woman who has not only learned about herself in this journey but has learned about herself in relation to God.  When I no longer devoured bagels, French fries, and pasta to satisfy my hunger, I hungered for the word of God.  When I no longer craved Sonic limeades and Starbucks Frappuccinos, I thirsted after God’s righteousness.  When I didn’t fill empty, stressful and difficult moments by nibbling on a pan of Magic Cookie bars, I found fulfillment in the arms of God, resting in His strength.  When I stopped feeling ashamed by loading up on burritos, bacon, and ice cream, I had room to deal with my emotions in a healthier manner, pouring myself out to God. 

All this hunger, thirst, rest and lack of shame has brought me to the best place I have ever been in my life.  Although I am close to entering my fifties, I feel stronger in my spirit, body and mind than ever before.  This journey has enriched my life in so many ways.  Yes, I have a new wardrobe!  Yes, now I can hike!  Yes, now I can sit on a porch swing!  However, the biggest enrichment is not the before and after pictures, or what can be seen in my closet.  It is the complete comfort and rest I have in being fully known and fully loved by God.

“Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2

If I had a signature color it would be yellow.  I have always loved the color of sunshine, sparking joy and happiness in my life. It was always the most used crayon in my Crayola box.  Daffodils, daisies with bright yellow centers, and yellow tulips were my favorite flowers.  At the start of the school year, I gravitated towards yellow notebooks and even brought a yellow Trapper Keeper!  My final project for Mrs. Thomas’ Home Economics class, was to sew a shirt.  I chose a yellow fabric with white polka dots and gave the finished product to my sister.  My favorite piece of clothing in Junior high was my yellow V-necked sweater that I even tried to rock in spring by wearing it backwards with a pair of khaki shorts and a yellow headband in my hair.  The picture of me in that outfit will never be seen on social media!

I can distinctly remember being disturbed that I did not like mustard, the only yellow condiment.  I convinced my Aunt Debbie to put it on my hamburger.  Artistically, she made a smiley face out of the mustard, which made it even more appealing.  Unfortunately, the sour, tangy taste of mustard ruined my burger!

Even as an adult, I am still drawn to yellow.  This sunny color is an accent throughout my home, splashing itself on pillows, furniture, tablecloths, and flowerpots.  My wardrobe includes all shades of yellow to fit every season from bright marigold yellow for summer to mustard yellow in fall.  Just in the last week, I was not only inspired by Amanda Gorman’s poem at the presidential inauguration, but I also fell in love with her yellow Prada coat, googling the coat to see if I could find a knock-off somewhere.

Winter can be a hard season for a lot of people.  The cold weather coupled with dark, cloudy days can put some of us in a funk.  For some people, the funk is a stronger mood change diagnosed as Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Light therapy and some medications are used to treat people afflicted with it.  Whether or not you have a diagnosis, our bodies were created to need sunlight.  A good source of vitamin D, our bodies absorb it through the skin from sunlight, which is good for our bones, blood cells and immune health.  Recently, I have read some articles that claim exposure to early morning sunlight even helps us sleep better in the evening!

I, too, find myself in a winter funk.  I have set a goal of walking 320 days this year, averaging around 2.6 miles a day.  Due to my schedule, this walk often takes place in the dark hours of the early morning, when the sun is not even attempting to awake from its slumber.  Instead, the moon and the stars light my path.  The darkness comes on so fast in the evening, that my natural melatonin kicks in early, and by 7:45 pm, I am ready to get into my pajamas and curl up with a book.  The trees are bare, the grass is brown and the only bright spot in my yard is the occasional blue jay or cardinal visiting my bird feeder.  Despite the fact I have chosen to embrace Hygge, I do miss the splendor of color that fills my world during spring, summer and fall!

The other day, I was lamenting in my mind about the bleakness of winter as I was cutting up a navel orange.  With a burst of citrus juice filling my senses through sight, smell, and taste, my whole perspective changed.  I began to thank God for His good gift!  What an amazing time we live in that this southern-grown fruit peaks during the middle of the winter doldrums, and, due to modern transportation, is available to us.  Now, living in south central Pennsylvania, or when I lived in the frozen tundra of Wisconsin, I can go to the grocery store in the middle of winter and buy fruit that has the essence of summer in all its layers!  The oils of the rind, the freshness of the juice, and even the colors scream joy, happiness, and sunshine!  The different shades of the citrus are amazing to me, from the bright yellow of a Meyer lemon to the vivid orange of a navel to the crimson red in blood oranges.

The properties of citrus are endless.  Just a little citrus brightens up savory dishes, giving the dish a more complete flavor profile.  They add just the right amount of acid to salad dressings and other sauces.  Citrus also keeps skin looking healthy, is a high source of potassium and fiber, and helps reduce heart disease, digestive cancers, and neurological disorders.  In addition, citrus oils are even good for cleaning!

I promise you I am not getting a kickback from any of the groves in Florida for this blog.  Of course, if a Florida citrus farmer wanted to send me a box of oranges in support of my writing, I would not be opposed to the free swag!  I am also not suggesting that a simple orange will chase away the winter blues.  But I do think God uses objects or moments displaying His majestic creation to help change our perspective in any situation.  Whether it is a glimpse of the beautiful sunset at the end of a long day, watching a squirrel attempt to get food from your bird feeder after a stressful conversation, or slicing into an orange while lamenting about winter, if we pay attention, these brief moments can help us see the goodness of God.  God is a good Father who loves us and wants to help us see things from His perspective!

Mark Hart, author and podcaster known as the “Bible Geek”, said, “Gray and overcast from earthly perspective, but it’s sunny above these storm clouds.  Grace lets us see life from God’s point of view.”  Even though I have a few more months of winter before the spring thaw, I am going to choose to delight in both citrus and the pops of yellow in my home to help maintain my perspective on God’s goodness!

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Betrayal is always hard!  It shakes your foundation of trust; it makes you feel unworthy or insignificant.  It also messes with your confidence, causes you to have a negative perception of your future, and often turns you into a cynic.  The closer the relationship you have with the object of your betrayal, the harder it is to recover from the offense.  We have all felt betrayed before, but one of the most difficult betrayals I have faced is when I felt my own body had betrayed me.  I am not talking about weight loss plateaus; I am referring to the chronic illness that I have battled for many years.

Sixteen years ago, I woke up with intense throbbing in my hands and wrists.  I went to see my doctor, and he wrote it off as tendonitis, gave me a prescription for the pain, and sent me on my way.  The symptoms subsided for about a year and then reappeared with a vengeance!  At this point in my life, I had lost some weight (the only other time in my life I have lost a significant amount of weight), and I was exercising regularly.  In addition to the intense throbbing pain, my body seemed to stiffen up after a night of sleep.  The stiffness and pain increased to the point that, even sitting down in a restaurant, Terry would have to help me up from my chair.  I began to think maybe I was exercising too much, or not stretching enough, so I started to incorporate Pilates into my exercise routine.  But, even then, I was still experiencing pain and stiffness!

One night, the pain was so intense that I laid awake in tears.  Every joint in my body hurt, causing me to sit rocking on the edge of the bed.  I finally fell asleep at the crack of dawn, exhausted but still in pain.  Over the next few days, I researched my symptoms, and with my limited medical knowledge, I felt like God gave me the insight that I had developed Rheumatoid Arthritis, otherwise known as RA.  I mentioned my thoughts to my husband and a few close friends, and made an appointment with my family doctor, insisting on getting the necessary blood work to indicate whether I had RA.  My doctor was skeptical but agreed to order the blood work.  Within a few days, my blood work indicated that I had the markers for RA, and I had a referral to see a rheumatologist.

Rheumatoid Arthritis is an autoimmune disorder that causes your body to attack the synovial fluid cushioning your joints, resulting in painful inflammation and eventual thickening of the joint cavities.  It affects all your joints and can even, in some cases, cause inflammation in your heart and lungs.  Some of the symptoms include general morning stiffness, overall fatigue, and low-grade fevers.  It is a progressive disease and, if left untreated, can result in deformed joints in the hands and feet, potentially leaving you disabled!  The periods of intense, lasting discomfort are referred to as flares.

I have had three major flares over the course of this disease.  The second one lasted about six months, leaving me almost completely disabled for about three months.  I did not have the strength to hold a coffee cup, raise my own bed covers, lift my foot to step into the bathtub, or even get dressed.  Not only could I not do these basic tasks, I felt completely useless in all areas of my life.  I could barely hold my Bible on my lap to read it, I was unable to home-educate my children, or cook meals for my family.  My identity as a Christian, as a wife, and as a mother seemed shattered!  I became depressed because I looked in the mirror and saw a person I no longer recognized!

At different times, I have stopped taking my medicine due to some of the harsh side effects, or due a to lack of medical insurance.  During those lapses in treatment, RA has damaged a few of my fingers, leaving me with a permanent deformity known as “swan’s neck”.  In addition to my hands, I also have some deformities with my feet that make it difficult to find shoes.

For seven years, I managed to control my RA symptoms through diet and lifestyle.  Throughout that time, I still had pain in various joints, but I took an over-the-counter pain-reliever, got a good night’s sleep, and rested when needed.  About three years ago, I felt like my mini flares were increasing and I started developing some secondary symptoms, including “trigger finger”, an increase in nodules, and Reynaud’s syndrome, where a few of your fingers turn white and are icy cold for short periods.  I knew it was time to see the doctor again.  They immediately started me on some medicine and supplements and began monitoring my blood work.

This past November, despite my weight loss and active lifestyle, my rheumatologist and I agreed that we needed to treat my RA more aggressively due to the now constant inflammation.  I immediately started on a chemo drug that I have taken before that, when taken in small doses, has proven effective in treating RA.  I now take this as a weekly injection, in addition to my daily medication and supplement routine.  Due to the nature of the medication, it was suggested that I quarantine for three months because of my compromised immune system and the current pandemic.  Although I still take daily walks, I have avoided crowded places and limited my contact with people.

Upon reflection, the hardest part of this disease is not related to the pain, although that has been terrible, or the deformities, although my hands will never look like they did in my wedding pictures.  The hardest part of the disease is feeling betrayed by my own body, forcing me to resign myself to my limitations, and to rely on others.  For example, I can’t open most water bottles because my hands are weakened.  Some days, I can’t push through the pain to exercise as vigorously as I want to.  And some days, I have to just sit down to rest.  Even on a good day, I see nodules on my wrist that remind me that RA is still wreaking havoc in my body beneath the surface of my skin.

I have realized that my response to my RA is a good indicator of my spiritual health as well.  In the beginning, when my symptoms first appeared, I was aggressive with my treatment, reading books and alternative medicine research, trying everything to control the disease.  Then, when the symptoms subsided, I took myself off the medication, confident in my own ability to control the disease.  Unfortunately, my confidence resulted in some irreversible damage.  Similarly, in a crisis, I spend a lot of time pouring my heart out to God, reading the Bible, listening to messages, and trying to soak up all I can get from Him.   Then, when the crisis ends, and life is going well, I neglect my daily devotions and rely on my own ability.  This often results in some side effects in my life that lead to bad attitudes, pride, and sin!

Yet, despite those moments of attempted self-sufficiency, God is merciful, both in the physical and the spiritual sides of your life.  And at moments like these, God brings you to a place of reckoning.  In November, I knew that, despite my best efforts, I needed to go to the next level of medication to control my disease.  I had to rely on an outside source, in this case medicine, to provide the relief I needed in my daily life and stop the progression of the disease.  In the spiritual sense, sometimes God takes you to a place where you know that all your efforts are in vain.  This happened to me a few years ago.  I remember laying prostrate on the floor of my living room, completely broken of all my pride, realizing that I had built my life on my own abilities and ideals.  I remember telling God to empty me of all my pride and fill me with His spirit.  Since then, I have continued to rest in this place of complete vulnerability.  This posture of humility has led me on a journey where I have seen the hand of God working, both in me and in my family!

I still have nodules.  I still have aches and pain.  I still wake up some days with flares that force me to stop my life until the pain subsides.  I still take my medicine, and regularly see a rheumatologist to monitor my condition.  For the past few months, I have chosen to look at the effects of the disease’s activity in my body as reminders that I need Jesus.  They are opportunities for me to rely on His strength, and not on my own.  It’s a reminder for me to stay in that posture of humility and let God fill me with His presence and rid me of my pride.  These reminders are teaching me to be thankful for all things in my life!

“An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” Proverbs 18:5

According to the tracking on my Goodreads app, I knew in November that no confetti would fall in celebration of me meeting my reading challenge of 66 books in 2020 (last year when I made my goal, confetti filled my screen in celebration of my accomplishment).  Instead, I finished the year with forty-six books, twenty books behind my goal.  I felt disappointed in myself and examined how in the world, in the middle of a pandemic where everything was shut down, did I not achieve my goal!  Did I spend too much time on social media?  Did I waste my time scrolling through Pinterest?  Was I just a sloth?

Yet, at the end of the year, when I looked at my book report, I gained a different perspective on my reading habits.  Honestly, I could stand to lessen my social media intake, and it is something that I am going to continue to work on.  But the pandemic made my life a lot busier, I immediately picked up more babysitting hours by helping a family with their children’s virtual education.  I also took more time to get outside and, as a result, listened to a lot more podcasts.  More importantly, I read a lot of great books this year!!!  When it came to preparing for this post, I could easily have listed fifteen books to review as important, life-changing books.  In addition, most of the books I read were meaty, full of well-worded sentences that induced highlighting, and sharing my thoughts with whomever was around me, in most cases, my husband.  They challenged my way of thinking, pointed me towards Christ and, often, I would let whole paragraphs marinate in my soul for a while before continuing reading.

It took some time for me to narrow down my list, but here are five books that I would like to review for you.  My criteria included choosing books that would resonate with anyone at any stage in their lives, that pointed one toward God, and that I would likely reread in my lifetime.  This year, I included one great work of fiction, three books on personal growth, and one book on creativity.  I have also included three podcasts that have inspired and challenged me!  My hope is that when you finish reading this post, you will be inspired to read more in 2021!

1. Emma by Jane Austen: I am a book snob and am always telling others to read the book and avoid the movie.  But with the 1996 version of Emma starring Gwyneth Paltrow, I was a bit of a hypocrite.  Although I had read other classics, I had missed reading Jane Austen.  I fell in love with the movie and started reading different Jane Austen works, but I never read Emma.  Last year, I finally picked up the book, and found myself even more delighted in the words and story.  I know some would argue that Jane Austen is simply a sophisticated romance writer.  Instead, I, along with other lovers of English literature, would contend her works are a commentary on society, pointing out the prejudices in class and status that remain relevant today.  One of my favorite lines is when Mr. Knightley, in Emma’s best interest, chastises her with these words, “Better be without sense than misapply it as you do.”  It reminds me to be careful with my opinions and thoughts because how I say and do things can negatively affect others.  It is a lesson that I continue to work on, today!
2. None Like Him by Jen Wilkin: I have already mentioned in a previous post Jen Wilkin’s book, Women of the Word and how it has impacted my life.  This is another insightful book that examines, as the subtitle states, “10 Ways God is different from us and why that’s a good thing.”  She unpacks traits of God, such as immutable, omnipresent, and sovereign, that define his divinity.  She then discusses ways we try to rival God in those traits.  She states, “We must recover the truth that was obscured by the Serpent: rather than being like God in his unlimited divinity, we are to be like God in our limited humanity.”  The book gives you space to reflect through journaling about issues that resonate with you, and to write a prayer asking God to help you reflect His Glory.
3. Adorning the Dark by Andrew Peterson.  I loved this book so much, I recommended it to four other people after reading only the first few chapters.  Peterson is a Christian songwriter, author, and artist who believes that God’s truth can be reflected in the arts.  He explores how creating art in a community stimulates ideas and creativity.  In relation to community, he says, “They look you in the eye and remind you who you are in Christ.  They reiterate your calling when you forget what it is.  They step into the garden and help you weed it, help you to grow something beautiful.”  In addition, the book mentions several poets, musicians, and authors I have added to my list to explore.  This inspired me to join Called Creatives, a group of women who are pursuing creativity in speaking and writing.  The group provides training, mentoring opportunities, and a place to bounce ideas.
4. Get Your Life Back by John Eldredge.  My husband is a big John Eldredge fan and has been devouring his books and podcasts for the past few years.  I bought this book for him and he would often share with me practices he found in the book to reduce stress and bring calm to the craziness of life.  I decided that in the middle of a pandemic, this might be a good book for me to read as well.  He reminds you to drink in beauty, engage in one-minute pauses, and to get outside and experience God’s creation.  All these practices help re-orientate us toward God.  I have personally embraced the concept of getting outdoors, focusing on nature and being more aware of God’s creative design.
5. All That’s Good: Recovering the Lost Art of Discernment by Hannah Anderson.  When my children were young, I often used Philippians 4:6 as a measuring tool for evaluating media choices with them, whether it be books, movies, or music.  Hannah Anderson explores this verse more deeply, challenging the reader to cultivate discernment in all areas of our lives.  According to Anderson, “Discernment does not change the challenges we face, it changes our ability to face them.”  This is a book that I am sure to read again and continue to learn and grow.

In addition to these five books, I also want to share three podcasts that inspired me this year.

1. Speaking with Joy: by Joy Clarkson.  Joy, the daughter of Sally Clarkson, one of my heroes in the homeschooling movement, is finishing her PhD. at St. Andrews in Scotland.  The podcast centers on the importance of good stories, music and images that cultivate God’s beauty in our world.  She explores themes like the importance of whimsy, celebrating advent, and our need for heroes.  This podcast is for those of you who like to nerd out about literature and God’s truth.  Both Terry and I loved her podcast so much we listened to seven hours of it on our way to Rhode Island.
2. He Said, She Said: by Melinda Poitras.  Melinda is a young woman who grew up in Africa as the daughter of a missionary.  In short segments, she addresses issues like the importance of counseling, dreams, and faith.  Her poetic prose encourages you to find your identity in God.  And although she addresses some tough issues, she encourages you with the hope of Jesus!
3. Strong Sense of Place: by David Humphreys and Melissa Joulwan: I discovered this podcast in late November and binge listened to all the past year’s episodes by the end of December.  They pick a place, whether it be a city, country, or a theme, such as trains, and explore it through five literary choices.  Many of the book choices they discuss sound great, although some of them may be a little salty for my taste.  Dave and Mel also share some history, culture, and geographical highlights of the place they are exploring.  I am so inspired to read more, and some day take a trip to places like Morocco (one of their themes).  In addition to their podcasts, they also have a great website that includes a blog full of great pictures of libraries and bookstores across the world!

With the craziness of the world, I think its important for us to have healthy outlets for our minds.  For me, books fill the spaces where anxiety and stress try to take up residence.  I love Anne Lamott’s thoughts on books.  She says, “For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth.  What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you.  Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave.  They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”  I already have a pile of books on my nightstand, ready to explore new ideas, worlds and thoughts!

“Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”

Psalm 33:22

A group of our friends gathered on a cold New Year’s Day in Wisconsin for the final goodbyes.  We gathered the last of our belongings and loaded them in the moving van.  We chatted for a few minutes, stalling for time.  My preteens giggled with their friends, but the laughter echoed hollowly in the empty house.  I stood looking at these kids as memories swirled in my head: babies crawling, toddlers learning to share, elementary children creating worlds in their imaginations, preteen sleepovers with pancake-eating contests in the morning, swimming at the lake, and sledding trips to the parks.  I remembered these were the kids that worshiped together at the altar, performed together in Christmas programs, and Bible quizzed together.  They were lifelong friends; they had always known each other.  And now, two of them were leaving.

I then looked at my own lifelong friends.  This was my group, some of them family by blood, others family by relationship.  We had spent most of our holidays together, celebrated each other’s accomplishments, stood by each other’s side during weddings, and rejoiced with each other when our babies arrived.  We shared each other’s sorrows and griefs.  As tears flooded my eyes, I hugged my friends hard!  I knew we would always be friends, but the distance would forever change the daily nurturing nature of our friendship.  I got into our van, held my husband’s hand, and took a deep breath.  Even though I did not look back, my mind was racing with memories as we headed to Pennsylvania.

It is hard to believe that pivotal day in my life was ten years ago.  To be totally transparent with you, it was a tough move for me.  For the first few months, I put on a smile, but inside I was battling depression.  I forced myself to keep a routine when I desperately wanted to hibernate under the covers.  I, who loved adventure, struggled to find the energy to explore a new grocery store.  As spring thawed the frozen ground, I determined to snap out of my depression and for the next few years I lived on experiences.  We did a lot of traveling: New York City, Vermont, Maine, North Carolina, Washington DC, and Williamsburg, Virginia.  The sightseeing provided a temporary band aid for my grief.

Yet, the novelty of the experiences wore off, leaving me battling depression once again.  I did find things that I really loved about my new home: the mountains, the warmer weather, and the longer springs and autumns.  But when I contrasted it with the things I had lost, I felt like my emotional bank account was always in the red.  I remember about seven years ago, my daughter asking me a straightforward question: Will you ever be happy in Pennsylvania?  I honestly did not know.  This question prompted me to spend time in prayer asking God to help me to learn to be content.  I chose to focus on my blessings and not on my losses.  I stopped measuring my life in Pennsylvania against the life I had in Wisconsin.  I also stopped trying to understand why God had moved my family to Pennsylvania and, instead, focused on what God was trying to teach me.  The depression lifted and my perspective started to change.  It has been a slow process, and I know that God has used this time to teach me about myself and, more importantly, His unfailing love for me.

Like most of you, I am so ready to start a new year!  My new calendar was hung up on December 30, in anticipation of 2021.  For the first time in years, I stayed up until midnight to welcome in the new year.  Yet, if you look at the political climate, the numbers of COVID-19 cases increasing, and the advent of a new strain of the virus, it is easy to look at the new year with pessimistic, even cynical eyes.  I know that when I sat down with my husband to discuss plans for our 25^th anniversary, it was with the caveat, “if restrictions are lifted.”  It is easy to look at the surface of our current situations and lean into despair for the upcoming year, even though flipping the calendar sparked a moment of joy.

In his book, Life is a Miracle: An Essay Against Modern Superstition, Wendell Berry wrote, “For quite a while it has been possible for a free and thoughtful person to see that to treat life as mechanical or predictable or understandable is to reduce it.  Now almost suddenly, it is becoming clear that to reduce life to the scope of our understanding (whatever ‘Model’ we use) is to enslave it, make property of it, and put it up for sale.  That is to give up on life, to carry it beyond change and redemption, and to increase the proximity to despair.”  In other words, when I moved to Pennsylvania, or flipped the calendar to 2021, it was easy to look at what I can see, such as losses, COVID-19 numbers, and restrictions.  But when I focus only on what I can see, I reduce life and the capacity of hope.

For the past two years, I have asked God to give me a word or a phrase as a theme for my life.  This year, I felt like God gave me the simple two-letter word “up”.  I looked up synonyms in the thesaurus to try to make the word seem more sophisticated, but nothing else seemed to resonate with me.  “Up”, as an adjective, is defined as “moving toward a higher place or position.”  I am sure, as the year progresses, God will unpack that simple word with even deeper meaning for me.  At this moment, I feel like God is telling me to look upward, to look towards hope!  Things may seem bleak in the news, in the hospitals, and on my calendar, but my hope is not fixed on what I can see!  If I look up towards God, I can be confident that God has things in control.

Abraham, the first person called into a covenant relationship with God, was challenged to trust God with his future by being willing to sacrifice his promised son on an altar.  God saw Abraham’s faith with the raised knife and told him to stop, declaring to Abraham, “I know that you fear God”. According to the Bible, Abraham then lifted up his eyes and saw a ram caught in the bushes near the altar.  His words, spoken earlier to his son, that God would provide a sacrifice, were fulfilled.  Abraham had no idea how things would turn out as he walked up the mountain to sacrifice his son, but he did know that God was in control.

I have no idea what 2021 has in store for me.  I don’t know if my anniversary trip to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons will happen.  But I do know that God has already ordered my steps, and that if I look up and trust Him, I can have hope!

“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!” Psalm 98:4

It is Christmas morning!  I’ll be honest with you; I’m waking up to a quieter Christmas than I had expected and hoped for.  Due to the uptick in COVID-19 cases, my son and his family will not be joining us for Christmas brunch and the rest of the Christmas festivities.  I will miss my grandson’s first Christmas.  I will miss seeing my son indulge in his favorite Christmas treats.  I will miss creating memories with my daughter-in-law and her teasing my husband about his love of tinsel.  I will miss celebrating Christmas with our friends, the Caron family.  Instead, their Christmas presents sit under the tree, with hopes to be together as soon as we can.  The decision was hard, the tears did flow, but, ultimately, it was the right and responsible thing to do.

I have spent all of December posting micro-blogs exploring Advent through scripture, songs, books, and movies.  I’ve written about the importance of choosing to hope in hard seasons and remaining calm during stressful times.  When I started these micro-blogs. I had no idea how much they would minister to me.  Both the research and the writing has challenged me in so many ways.  I believe that God knew what my Christmas morning would look like, and now He is asking me, “Do you really believe what you write?”

My answer to that question is a resounding “Yes!”  So, this Christmas morning, join with me in celebrating hope in the form of Jesus Christ.  I am going to start my morning out by listening to the song “Joy to the World”. I hope you find time in your day to listen to this familiar carol.  When researching the lyrics of this song, I discovered that Isaac Watts wrote this song based on David’s words in Psalm 98.  Even though we sing this carol at Christmas, it is so much more than about the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem.  It is a celebration praise about Jesus’ second return.  When Jesus comes again, sin and sorrows will no longer grow.  He will rule the world with truth and grace!!   All of heaven and nature will sing about His wonderous love!!  Merry Christmas, and I hope you find your day filled with joy and hope!

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

John 8:12

When my kids were little, there was a house in our neighborhood that exploded with Christmas lights.  During the month of December, Terry would deter on our trip home, and the children would squeal with anticipation.   As we approached the house, their eyes were bright with delight, pointing at all the sights and sighing with pleasure.   No matter how many times we visited the house, the children always found something new to savor.  Yet, this same house during the day, offered no amusement for my children.  It was only when the sky was dark, that the explosion of light brought joy to my family.

The book of John begins with explaining the attributes of Jesus.  John states “In him was life and the life was the light of men.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”  Throughout the birth of Jesus, light was used to illuminate the presence of Jesus.  The wisemen followed a bright star to find Jesus and bright light surrounded the angels when they announced the birth to the shepherds.  Notice that each of the lights occurred in darkness, and neither the wisemen nor the shepherds were completely aware of what this birth meant.  They just knew that following the light would transform their lives.

Just like 2000 years ago, the presence of Jesus still illuminates the darkness in our world.  Ken Dillingham, of the Dillingham group, in a recent podcast stated, “The light has the greatest effectiveness when it is the darkest.”  A candle doesn’t have the same ethereal beauty during the day then it does at night.   My sweetest moments with Jesus have been the times in my life when the hard situation seemed to be closing in on me.  At these times, I would read a scripture, hear a message, or have a friend speak a word of encouragement to me, bringing light into my darkness.  This light was like a beacon for me, leading to me joy, peace, love, and hope.   Matthew describes the people that Jesus ministered to as “dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, for those dwelling in the region, and shadow of death, on them a light has dawned.”  It’s Christmas Eve, and the final hours of Advent are approaching.  Light a candle this evening, notice how it makes everything in your home beautiful and festive.  When you blow the candle out, know that in the morning, we are celebrating “the life that was the light of men.”

“O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is a steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.” Psalm 130:7

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, known as the first American poet, strolled around on Christmas morning, clutching the letter from the Army informing him that his son was critically injured.  His head down, tears streaming down his face, he could not bare the thought of another loss.  Two years earlier, he had lost his wife when her dress caught fire.  His desperate, futile attempts to save her left him scarred and severely injured.  This letter seemed a blight on any Christmas joy, especially when he heard the church bells toll Christmas carols.  He went home and penned the famous poem, “Christmas Bells”!

Although Longfellow admits to feeling despair in the poem by writing, “there is no peace on earth I said, for hate is strong and mocks the song”, he doesn’t stay in that place.  He concludes that as the bells continue to ring “more loud and deep, God is not dead, nor doth He sleep, the Wrong shall fail, the Right prevail, with peace on earth, good will to men.”  This poem is a great depiction of Advent.  Yes, we live in a fallen world where we can see evil all around.  Just like Longfellow, we may have moments of despair, yet Advent is always a reminder that in the darkest moments, we always have hope!  Like the Psalmist David, we can declare, “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.  He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.”

One of my favorite things about Christmas baking is making the cookies bite sized.  This size is the perfect party cookie, allowing you to fill a small plate of assorted cookies, pop one into your mouth, and continue on your merry way, engaging in conversations, creating memories, or singing carols with your friends.  I also like my cookie trays to look simple and natural, with small pops of colors.  However, when we attempted to tint the frosting in this Thumbprint cookie green and red for a more festive look, the garishness of the frosting made the cookies less appealing.

The following recipe was adapted by my husband and I the first year we were married.  Instead of jam, we decided to balance out the buttery shortbread cookie crusted with walnuts with buttercream frosting.  It soon became a hit with my friends and family.  This cookie freezes well, but I recommend tray freezing them after frosting to keep them looking as pretty as they are delicious.

Thumbprint Cookies

2 c. all-purpose flour

½ c. firmly packed brown sugar   

1 c. butter, softened                                                               

2 eggs, separated                    

1/8 t. salt                                                                                 

1 t. vanilla                                     

2 c. finely chopped walnuts (best if chopped in food processor)

Preheat oven to 350⁰.  Cream butter and sugar.  Setting the egg whites aside, add the egg yolks and vanilla, mixing until well combined.  Add the flour and salt, mix for 2-3 minutes longer, scraping the bowl down until all ingredients are combined.  Shape dough into round 1-inch balls.  In a small bowl, beat egg whites until frothy.  Dip each ball of dough into egg white and then roll in chopped walnuts.  Place on a parchment-covered cookie sheet.  Make a small depression in the center of each cookie with back of a teaspoon.  Bake for 7-8 minutes, until the center of the cookie looks set.  After they have cooled, pipe centers with buttercream frosting.

Michele’s Buttercream Frosting (this recipe is from my friend Michele Cassaday)

1/3 c. butter                                                      

1 ½ t. vanilla

4 ½ c. sifted powdered sugar                     

¼ c. milk

Beat butter till fluffy.  Add 2 c. powdered sugar, milk, and vanilla.  Then slowly add the rest of the powdered sugar.  Thin out with additional milk if needed to achieve the right consistency.