“The way of a fool is a right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15

It is finally cooling down, and you can see the leaves getting tired and worn out, ready to shed their verdant color and expose the red, yellow, and brown of Autumn. Squirrels scurry on the streets, desperately trying to grab every nut and seed they can find before winter. Pumpkin décor scatters my bookcases, the spicy apple butter scent has already permeated my home, and I just made my first pot of chili. And, yes, I have had more than my share of hot and cold pumpkin spice drinks. This has been and continues to be my favorite time of the year.

Fall always feels like a time of transition—a time to get cozy and embrace hygge living. You can learn more about my love for hygge in an earlier post. This fall, more than ever, I look forward to lighting candles, cozying up under a throw, and listening to my cousin Johanna’s classical spooky playlist. It is a welcome change after a summer filled with swirling noise, making everything feel murky and confusing.

But practicing hygge this season would not be enough. I had known for a while; it might do me some good to start counseling—to follow the advice I had given to so many recently. But sometimes it is easier to give advice than to follow it. Almost two months ago, I took the plunge and went back into therapy. I needed some help processing the aftermath of publishing my book. I also needed some help reconciling the things I had been taught about faith with what Jesus taught, as some of it felt incongruent. So, I found a licensed counselor who could help me reorient myself and clear up the murkiness I was feeling.

I am too early in the process to fully disclose what I am learning about myself and about God. I can say that I still believe God is good. I can also say that thirty-six years ago I had a life-changing experience that filled me with peace and joy when I asked God to fill the empty space in my life. But beyond that, I am still figuring out how to hold Jesus in one hand and the obstacles of life in another.

Transitions are hard, whether you ask for them or they come unexpectedly. This whole blog experience was because I was facing transitions. I had no idea that in this process, I would be expanding my views on God and finding a fuller message of the gospel. But in that process, I have learned some unpleasant things about myself, things I need to work on. One of those things is that I can be extremely passionate when I make a change or discovery, and that enthusiasm or passion can make others feel judged. I am also learning to give myself more grace, articulate to others where I am at, and fill my life with gratifying things.

It’s Autumn, and I don’t have a bucket list of things I want to accomplish. I just want to keep my heart open to whatever God has planned for me. I want to work on the things that I can control and leave the rest in His hands. I also want more pumpkin spice!