Discovering Joy with Michele: Part 3

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” James 1:2-3

She sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face, reliving the evening’s events. It had been the monthly school program, where all her friends stood up before the whole church reciting different Biblical passages they had memorized and sang a song or two. Among the adults, Michele and her brother were the only two children sitting on the wooden pews watching the presentation. Michele clapped her hands at the end of the program, happy for her friends. But inside, her heart was broken, waiting for privacy to let her tears fall. But even then, she didn’t cry bitter tears full of resentment towards her friends or her mother, who just didn’t have the finances to afford the tuition. Instead, she brought her disappointed tears to the only one she knew who could help: Jesus. A year later, she did end up attending the Christian school, but this simple habit of bringing all her disappointments to the Lord was the greatest prize.

I have seen some beautiful bodies of water, from the rhythmic waves of the Atlantic Ocean to bubbly mountain streams in spring. But one of the most beautiful bodies of water I have seen is a small man-made lake in the Appalachian Mountains near my home. In the fall, this placid lake reflects the scarlet and golden hues of maples and oaks, enhancing an already beautiful scene. It’s a place where you can sit and soak in the goodness of God.

Like the lake, my friend Michele Cassaday reflects the beauty of joy. She would not describe herself as bubbly or effervescent. Instead, she embodies contentment with quietness and assuredness, that reflects God working in her. I count my thirty-five-year friendship with Michele as one of my greatest blessings. Although she wears a little less pink, she is still the same steady friend she was many years ago. This month she is celebrating sixteen years of marriage to her husband, Ken. Her only child, Shantel, has returned to college. And her life continues in the same steady way it has for years, working with autistic children as her career, and ministering in many different capacities in her church.

Michele developed her relationship with Jesus as a young child, paying close attention to the adults around her, particularly her Sunday School teachers. Scriptural principles like “when you have disappointments, bring them to Jesus” and “do all things as unto the Lord” were imprinted on her young mind. And they served her well when even bigger disappointments came later.

This relationship as a small child inspired her to be a Sunday School teacher for over thirty years. She passionately believes Sunday School is foundational for children’s start with God. She spends time putting together lessons, creating crafts, and preparing snacks that point children to God. She prays that the little mantras she teaches about God’s word being true will resonate in their lives twenty years down the road. Rebecca Ingram, whose three children Michele has taught, recently posted on social media “You pour 100% into each child every Sunday and go above and beyond your preparation and prayer for them each weekday. Your servant’s heart says yes over and over again.”

Michele was an ordinary teenager, with sleepovers, hanging out with friends, and lots of laughter. But she was never trendy or into pop culture. Instead, her greatest dream of being married and having a family manifested itself in her monthly subscription to Good Housekeeping and listening to Dr. Dobson’s advice. After getting married, Michele struggled with infertility for about three years. Every month was a reminder of dreams not realized, and soon doctor visits revealed hurdles to overcome to fulfill her dream. Meanwhile, each new announcement of a friend’s pregnancy was a painful reminder of the emptiness in her life. Again, Michele continued the habit she learned as a child, bringing her painful feelings before the Lord. She cried out to God that she didn’t want to be jealous or bitter, and prayed that she could be supportive. This habit on her knees with tears and authentic feelings enabled Michele to celebrate with her friends and participate in planning multiple baby showers, including my own.

Michele would never describe her habit as something she conjured up within herself, instead she acknowledges the sentiments of Paul found in Romans 14:17, “for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” This inward quality of joy comes from God and can only be attained by His Spirit. For Michele, joy is not a feeling based on circumstances. Joy “is the assurance that God is always with you, that God is never going to leave you, and you are not without hope.”

This leads to the verse that orientates Michele towards joy, found in her favorite book of the Bible, James. It says, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” The scripture continues that this patience will work in you a complete and perfect work. Throughout scripture, Michele sees joy contrasted with suffering. And this relationship with the two has helped her pursue contentment in the most difficult situations, including her parents’ divorce, her infertility struggles, and her own divorce.

Each of those circumstances could have brought her to despair, but Michele’s faith in God and his Word continues to sustain her through the hard times. The habit of bringing her hard feelings to Jesus, including asking God to help her forgive, has reflected itself in Michele’s spirit of contentment.  She describes this habit as “consistent effort” and a learning process. She also recognizes the importance of expectations and thankfulness. With people in her life who have disappointed her, she has lowered expectations and chosen thankfulness over being crushed. She believes being joyful is not an island all by itself, it’s birthed through practicing forgiveness, thankfulness and choosing contentment.

I hesitated asking Michele about participating in this interview, aware of the current difficulties she and her family are facing. For the past few months, her husband Ken has been in severe pain, losing a significant amount of weight. Unfortunately, the doctors have been unable to pinpoint the source of pain and are still doing testing. Yet, when I spent time with her in June, I saw Michele choosing joy despite the hard situation they are facing. And two months later, she still is choosing joy. It is not that she hasn’t cried out to God and would love some answers. But all the past situations she has gone through have laid a foundation of faith where she can rest in God.

I’ve walked along with Michele in most of her hard moments as an adult. I’ve seen her actively choose to forgive when her feelings didn’t match her prayers. I have seen her choose to trust God, when the outcomes weren’t what she dreamed. I have seen her work through past brokenness so she could start a new marriage with Ken. And this consistent habit of bringing hard feelings to God has inspired me to choose contentment, but it’s also her witness to others. Her coworkers and church family see her as one who really cares about what she does, it’s not just a job or teaching a Sunday School class or cleaning the church. They don’t see her complain about minor irritants. Instead, she wholeheartedly completes her tasks because it’s not about her but about pleasing God.

And she neither wants to be put on a pedestal nor puts others on a pedestal. This keeps her in a place of humility. She sees traits in others she strives to have in her life, and honestly recognizes where she comes up short. When I complimented her on being one of the most animated Sunday School teachers I have ever seen, she pursued humility by choosing to put others above her.

Joy is a good gift from God that also has an outward expression. For Michele, it may be found in savoring an incredible piece of chocolate, although I was surprised it wasn’t birthday cake for breakfast. But joy as an experience manifested itself in the miracle of childbirth for Michele. After experiencing years of infertility, Michele was finally at the hospital giving birth to her miracle baby, Shantel. Despite having phobias related to hospitals and blood, Michele enjoyed every minute of her experience, marveling at the goodness of God in her little rosebud baby girl. For just a moment, she felt like the superwoman we all believe she is.